Bed wetting by the SD and its inevitable effect on my relationship.Please give me your feedback!
Hi all,Im looking for any advice on how to handle this because apparently the way Im trying to handle it is wrong.My skids just got back home from their summer visit with BM.SD8 spent the first night home sleeping with my BD12 and SD12.I was at work yesterday morning and BD12 texted and told me that SD8 had wet the bed.I told her to have SD8 take the sheets and put them in the laundry room and I would handle it when I got home.When I got home I took SD8 aside and asked if she had wet the bed,she said no,that she just got sweaty in her sleep.Hmmm.I saw that she had left her P.J.s in the bathroom hamper so I smelled them.Yes ewwww.The things we must do to prove a point right? Definately pee and unless she is drinking pee her sweat should not smell like pee.I went to my fiance and told him in private that SD8 had wet the bed.He went and asked her and of course got the "I was just sweaty" line of bullshit.When he came and told me this I asked him if he wanted to smell the P.J.s.Of course he did not.He explained that she probly lied cause shes embarrassed.I told him that I didnt yell and I would be discreet but she still needed to own up to it.I told him that we need to accept that she had wet the bed and take steps to ensure that we were being proactive about it-mattress cover,no drinking after 6,ect.He didnt have much to say,just sort of grunted in agreement.SD8 came to both of us and asked if she could sleep on the couch to which Daddy immediately gave a resounding "yes".When she walked away I asked him what he was going to do to make sure that the couch I just paid $600 for didnt get peed on."Ill just put a blanket under her to lay on" was the flippant reply.As if its no big deal.Ok,Im trying to be calm,trying to not make it a big deal and be an accusing,nagging bitch.I let him handle it as he should be the one to handle it.
At 9:30 last night hes still laying in bed watching T.V.I had to suggest that maybe its time to tuck the kids in (bedtime for SD8 and SS7 is supposed to be 8:30.We just had a coversation about it the night before)He sighs and goes to put them to bed and satisfy this nagging bitch.
I went out to the living room about 30 mins later and lo and behold,SD has no blanket under her.Yeah,shock and awe right?
So of course the bitchy nag goes back to the bedroom and asks her wonderful fiance if maybe SD should have a blanket under her as discussed.Large sigh,follwed by another grunt and a dramatic heave off of the bed.
When he came back I asked him why he thought it was that no matter how calm and fair I tried to be,he always seemed to get irritated and defensive if I brought up anything about the kids and attempted a discussion.He of course got irritated and defensive in his denial of being irritated and defensive.
So what the hell am I doing wrong? Im assuming that he would much rather I ignored things and pretended everything is just hunky dory as he and his parents do-because thats how problems get solved.I dont want him mad at me but given the choice between him being pissy and trying to handle things as they need to be handled,well I guess hes just gonna be pissy cause Im not one to ignore problems.
So how do you Ladies handle situations such as this if your SO gets grumpy whenever you bring anything up about the perfect skids and expect them to actualy handle thigs as they should be handled?
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So how do you Ladies handle
So how do you Ladies handle situations such as this if your SO gets grumpy whenever you bring anything up about the perfect skids and expect them to actualy handle thigs as they should be handled?
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I stopped bringing it up. Let him. Like you...I would have said soething about the couch also.
I assume she wets the bed a lot?
I just speak my peace....I
I just speak my peace....I love my BF very much but if I have an issue with skid I tell him and thankfully he is so great about handling skid and addressing what needs to be addressed. But if you are going to be with this man you need to speak up about what bothers you. It is better to be honest and let him know how you feel what you think and deal with those consequences then to let it boil up and fester inside of you which leads to resentment and dislike/hatred towards so/skids.
If my BF didnt handle things the way that he does I wouldnt be with him...I want a man with a spine that doesnt let some bratty little shit have BF's balls in his lunch box!!! Just saying....
Personally, I don't care if
Personally, I don't care if my dh gets irritated and pissy when I have something to say about his kid. I figure there are two options. Either I can be irritated and pissy because he is letting his kid do something with which I adamantly disagree OR I can address it and let him feel irritated and pissy. Since I am the one dealing with his baggage on a daily basis, I choose to dish it back to him. His feelings are not more important than mine.
That said, my dh would never let his kid sleep on my couch whether she wets the bed or not.
Actualy the topic was brought
Actualy the topic was brought up by me when the kids and my SO were still staying at his parents about a year ago.G-ma informed me that she just sweats alot in her sleep.And thats why the room smells like pee? Whos fooling who here? But Ive never noticed her wetting the bed at our house so I thought maybe she had grown out of it and it hasnt been an issue till yesterday.
And thats what I dont get,how do I bring it up so beds and my couch dont get ruined without pissing him off? I guess its just not possible?
I'm not sure you can. He's
I'm not sure you can. He's made it clear that addressing the pissing issue is not going to happen. FOr that matter, you don't indicate that he addressed the lying about it either. He is clearly going to defend his princess. And from what you said "she was embarassed", he feels it is his duty to protect her from embarassing herself so he isn't going to take precautions to protect the mattresses / couches because that might upset the princess. You bringing it puts him in the position of choosing between pissing you off and upsetting his princess. And that is why he is irritated and pissy. He doesn't like being put in a position to upset her. That is a problem bigger than bed wetting.
I would just tell her myself
I would just tell her myself she is not allowed to sleep on the couch. If your dh has a problem then he can buy a couch for her to urinate on. Then I would ask him for 20.00 and go to walmart and buy her a plastic sheet for mattress since she gets so "sweaty"
Whose house is this? His,
Whose house is this? His, yours or both? Personally I would just be firm and say that no one will be bed sharing or sleeping on the couches. That way you aren't singling out his kid and he shouldn't get so defensive.
If the bed wetting continues, then buy her a mattress pad and tell her that you know that its urine and that when she were the bed you expect her to take her sheets and pjs to the laundry room and wipe her mattress pad down. Don't ask her if she peed the bed, you know she did. Shes gotten away with this sweating lie for so long you aren't going to get her to read up without having to go at her hard and daddy getting all butt-hurt.
SD, listen, you've peed the bed three night in a row now. Here's a mattress pad. And this what I expect of you if you pee the bed....
I didn't pee the bed, I just sweat a lot.
SD, I don't want to hear it. You and I both know that's pee. And I just told you what's expected of you when you pee the bed. End of discussion.
Don't get dragged into the weeds in an argument over whether its sweat or urine. You know its urine, just move on.
I like this.
I like this.
I like this too.It is what it
I like this too.It is what it is and I need to deal with it accordingly.I wish he would step up more but if hes not I still have to.And we bought the house together but pretty much everything in it is mine because he gave everything to BM in the divorce.
So, he gets pissed at you
So, he gets pissed at you because he doesn't want to parent his child?
As her father, you would think he would be interested in what is making his 8 year old wet the bed and want to do something about it.
Why would he let her sleep on the couch knowing she wets the bed? I'm sorry, I mean, "sweats"? I would have vetoed that right then and there. I don't let any kid do whatever they want in my house.
Since Dad obviously doesn't
Since Dad obviously doesn't want to deal with it, stop asking him to deal with it.
First remind him that the reason you are a nagging bitch is that being nice is ineffective. You WERE nice initially and he blew you off.
Then start dealing with SD about it yourself, by proclaiming loudly at dinner that it's time for her to be on "no more liquids" and put a great big package of Depends on the counter in her bathroom. Before she goes to bed, ask her in front of everyone if she has her diaper on for bedtime....then when your DH has something to say to you, remind him that he's welcome to deal with it himself, discreetly, and that everything that gets peed on because he's a lazy jackass will be burned in the driveway in front of a large sign that says "My husband is too lazy to address the fact that Princess wets the bed, so our couch got peed on!!!" He will then replace it out of his fun budget.
I see your point with Dh
I see your point with Dh along with your new furniture. What concerns me and I'm not familar with your Sd at 8 she shouldn't be wetting anything. Is she challenged in some way? If not I'd be worried about other issues with her. They say when a child wets the bed after a certain age (which I believe she surpassed) there is an underlying reason/issue.
She's actualy a very smart
She's actualy a very smart girl,mostly in a manipulative way,but she's not challenged at all.Unless you count that fact that she's spoiled and coddled by my fiance and his parents.BM did take off and leave the state about 3 years ago and I know thats gonna have an effect on any kid.They had all just come back from a 2 month visit with her and I wonder if that is causing some anxiety and this is the fallout?
Option 1 cover couch and
Option 1 cover couch and matresses in plastic. Say nothing.
Option 2: move couch to garage. Buy yardsale couch and place in living room.
Option 3: Tell most beloved that the reek of old urine makes you gag, and induce vomitus upon his peron.
Option 4: Have your most beloved wash his and his beloved kids' things at his convienance.
Option 3 made me spit water
Option 3 made me spit water on my keyboard.
Ha!! Perhaps it's time for
Ha!! Perhaps it's time for you to pee on a pair of old (an easily thrown away) sweats. Then casually say to DH "wow, you're not gonna believe this-- but I sweat so bad last night that my pants are soaked!!!" then proceed to throw them down on HIS side of the bed!!!! When he gets pissed-- and you know he will-- say exactly- so stop expecting me to buy the bs that she "sweats" urine either!!!!
That ought to take care of it!!! Ha!!
We have a bed wetter in our
We have a bed wetter in our home too. My skid is 12 and still has not grown out of it. He tries to deny the wetting when he has soaked the bed. I think he's embarrassed but he also doesn't like to take responsibility for it either. DH was on the fence of being open about skids problem, but I think the fact that I raised a bed wetter, he trusted me.
Since FDH is not willing to handle the issue and her being a girl, she may respond better to you than Dad/male. I would sit with SD8 in private and tell her all the evidence you found in her wetting the bed and that she may feel embarrassed but that WE, you and her will work on it together, privately.
Buy the waterproof mattress cover. There are also "Goodnight" mattress pads that are disposable for those times she may sleep on the couch or at sleepovers etc. At age 8, she can learn how to strip her bed, wash and dry the sheets and remake the bed. If she has difficulty putting the fitted sheet on then I would help her, but have her do as much of the work. Of course, cut back on the liquids, ice cream, jello etc. after 6.
Normally I would say his kid his problem, but this is a delicate and private issue for SD8, she may be getting teased from other kids in the home and is afraid to accept the problem.
Good Luck!