Pissy pants and shit on my walls. I couldn't even make this shit up if I tried!
So I get off work yesterday and pick up SD8 and BD11 from sports day camp. Head home, start dinner, walked to the back and kept thinking I smelled pee. I have a BIG dog and he rarely has an accident but it happens. So as most moms do, I'm using my super sense of smell to find the mess. It leads me straight to SD8's bedroom. I keep feeling on the carpet and can't find a wet spot, and then I see it. Soaking wet pj's hidden under the bed. I call her in there and she says she doesn't know why they are wet or how they got there. REALLY? Did the piss fairy piss in your pj's and hide them? Ok I'm staying calm. SD8, you have to tell me or your dad if you have an accident (and this has happened on more than one occasion and yes I have a rubber sheet on her bed ugggg). She looks in my face and says SORRY really hateful. So I pull the wet stuff out from under the bed and start stripping the bed and I realize no underwear is in the pj's. So I ask her where they are, she says IDK? I said well I'm not leaving your room until you find them. After a few minutes of her pretending to look she says I'm wearing them! GDit! She went to camp in pissy panties all day playing outside and sweating. I calmly explain AGAIN that we have to keep ourselves clean and if you have an accident you must bathe and then put fresh clothes on. She stands there looking at me blankly. I say well I realize you haven't had dinner yet but you have to take your shower now. So we walk in the bathroom and there it is... she pissed all over the toilet seat AGAIN, but that's not all. She has shit smeared on the toilet seat, the wall, and the light switch. OMG WTF!!!!!!!! I look at her and say what is this? She says I don't know (in smartass tone), I'm trying to keep it calm, I make her go get the bleach and papertowels and scrub the toilet and the wall and then take a shower and wash her nasty ass.
Please keep in mind I worked all day, had to work through my lunch because it's so busy right now and we are about to end our quarter and financials are due. Left work to get kids, 5 minutes away so no "quiet time", get home start dinner, start a load of laundry, get dinner going, clean the lunchboxes out for the kids, pack their lunches for camp the next day, and all the while my work Ipad is going off with emails I'm having to respond to. So when this was going down with SD8 I was frazzled to say the least but I stayed so calm, almost strangly calm. I decided to text SO and let him know what was going on, he didn't respond. Instead he came in the door (he gets home almost two hours after we do) and starts yelling at ME! He had a horrible day at work and he doesn't want to get a text about piss and shit on the walls! I said well guess what! I didn't want to have to deal with your F-ng kid and piss and shit on the walls so count yourself lucky you just had to read a text about you dumb SOB! He slept on the couch last night, we didn't speak this morning, and I didn't even check SD8 to see if she was going to camp as pissy pants today or not! His problem! I know my BD11 was clean and smelled nice so that's all I'm concerned with.
SD8 is with us 50/50, life with BM sucks plain and simple. I've said for 2 years seeing a counselor would be so helpful for SD8 and he ignores me. BM just spit out another crotch dropping and things at home with her Thug Life boyfriend and all these kids isn't as peachy as BM thought. I know SD8 is acting out and needs help which I've tried to explain to SO. But I'm going to tell you guys this, if I see piss or shit on anything else in my house I'm going to go the F off!
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Comments
Make SO clean it up
Make SO clean it up
I second StepKat. Leave it
I second StepKat. Leave it for SO to deal with (if that is possible/a 2nd bathroom is available). People only appreciate the acts of service you do for them if they, themselves, have provided those same/similar acts to someone else. It's human nature. It's why I no longer volunteer under the watch of someone who has little volunteer experience - they have little appreciation for the time and efforts of others.
If your SO never has to clean it up he will never appreciate when you do.
Good for you for keeping your calm with SD8.
A few years ago SS10 was
A few years ago SS10 was pissing on the toilet seat and even on the walls. I cleaned it up each time and then would tell DH he needs to teach his son how to aim. That is not my job to teach him how to pee straight, that’s the father’s job. He kept “forgetting” to talk to SS10, so one day I refused to clean up the piss and made DH do it. Right after cleaning it up DH got onto SS10 and had a father son talk about aiming.
I said a few years ago, so
I said a few years ago, so SS10 was actually 7 at the time.
I guess at the time I didn't
I guess at the time I didn't want to deal with making him clean it because I hadn't learned how to handle him yet. I've gotten much better and I'm quick to make him clean any mess he makes.
Yes she claims she "forgets"
Yes she claims she "forgets" even though her chore chart is posted on her door! And I've caught SO doing her chores and checking them off so I won't find out she didn't do them!!!!!!!!
Wonder if the stupid blank
Wonder if the stupid blank stare is something taught in the skid handbook? I see it ALL the time. If my BD11 doesn't understand she will say I don't understand what you are saying. Not SD8, she gets the blank stare and it's like she tunes out. I have never put my hands on SD8 because I am pretty sure that BM would try to have me arrested and I handle the discipline with my BD11 and SO has never touched her. But yesterday although I remained calm, I wanted to beat the shit out of her so bad! When she smarted off at me it was all I could do not to smack her so hard her teeth rattled!
Wow, at first I was like well
Wow, at first I was like well maybe shes just embarrassed (my Sd almost 7 still has to be reminded to wipe after she pees and gets really red in the face when I bring it up to her but like you said I explain its to be clean and she says ok and shes getting better). But after reading the rest omg. Yeah SD deff would have been cleaning everything herself. Bed and all. And DH would have been just as pissed as I would have been. Also you said they have 50/50? If DH was to agree she needs counseling would BM agree? I don't know how it works in every state but here if the parents have 50/50 legal rights and responsibilities you have to have both parents permission.
BM has been diagnosed with
BM has been diagnosed with bipolar for about 20 years but refuses medication. Child services got involved with her at one time and "suggested" counseling for the kids but she told them thanks but no thanks and they didn't force her to do it. So I know she will have no part of it. It will be on me and SO to take her to appointments and pay for it, but if it helps her I'd be willing to do that.
So you don't need BMs
So you don't need BMs permission to put her in counseling? Lucky you. I wish we had the same rules here. SD would deff be in counseling if it was up to DH and I.
YSS (at the time stb 7) shit
YSS (at the time stb 7) shit all over my house on purpose when he didn't get his way (one on one attention from daddykins at 4 in the morning). By next morning, Chef Boyardumb was REWARDING YSS with prezzies, sweets and the like.
Your SO is an ass. #1 he is
Your SO is an ass.
#1 he is ignorning a very serious problem- teaching his child simple hygeine. Does SD do this at other places? Public places? BMs?
#2 he is being an ass by yelling at you and treating you like crap because of this. NO ONE wants to deal with some other kids shit and piss.
You did the right thing by making her clean it up herself. Ideally it would have been nice to have SO do it, but since he wasn't there, SD should have done it.
Have you tried just sitting her down and walking her through what she needs to do?
Okay you pissed your pants in the middle of the night. Here is what you do if that happens. Maybe even make a chart that she can follow?
Also teach her how to properly wipe herself and clean herself after using the bathroom.
I know its not your job to teach her this, but with something as gross and unsanitary as that, I would step up and teach her.
My adopted sister (AS) 15 years old at the time did this same thing at my house. Shit all over my white cloth shower curtain, shit on the table, sink and my FREAKIN toothbrush. She has some issues and ended up being in a mental hospital for awhile, so I will cut her a little slack but seriously. You are 15 and you dont know how to wipe your own ass? WTF! And why dont you know how to do all of this and clean up after yourself...because your parents (my dad and SM) were lazy parents when you were younger and allowed you to get away with this stuff.
Good luck!
Yes he is a huge ASS! #1
Yes he is a huge ASS!
#1 IDK if she does it at BM because we don't have the type of relationship where I could say , BM, this is happening here at our house, are you experiencing the same issues, what can we do as a team to help her? It woudl go down more like this, BM she's having bathroom issues at our house. BM, " oh that is because you are horrible people and she NEVER does anything wrong at my house and she is perfect, you probably shit on the toilet yourself and blamed my little angel"
#2 Last night was the LAST time I will clean up behind her, it can sit and marinate and wait for his ass to deal with from now on.
I have repeatedly talked to her in a calm sweet way about bathroom and hygeine. Even going over how to properly wipe, that little girls need to keep themselves clean because they can get infections if they don't. If you do have an accident you need to come get me or SO and we will help get the bed and you cleaned up. I've cut out her drinks after 7pm. I even forced him to take her to her pediatrician who I found out later is an idiot. All he did was do a urine sampe and said nothing is wrong. I was like did he talk to her? Did he do any kind of physical exam? Did you explain the 50/50 custody and how horrible the situation is with BM and that a boyfriend lives there along with her half brother 11 (and they share a bedroom) and he has mental problems like BM. My SO had the same dumb blank stare that SD8 does. He said, you told me to take her to the Dr. , I did that, he says she is fine, now drop it.
I really believe that this is some sort of cry for help from her, bad behavior equals attention from DAAADDDDDDDDDYYYYYY
Omg...I just about spit out
Omg...I just about spit out my iced tea....Your #1 is probably word for word what our BM would say if we were in this situation...I mean word for word...scary how alike most of these women are.
HAHAAHA I'm telling you
HAHAAHA I'm telling you between BM being nuts and SO being a Disney Dad this kid stands no chance whatsoever to be normal! But over the last two years if anything has been brought up to BM that is negative about her little angel she turns it back around on me. Wonder if I wasn't in the picture who she would blame then? Oh wait, if I wasn't in the picture SO would continue to pretend she is perfect and never bother BM about it.
Crazy BM's and Skids must
Crazy BM's and Skids must attend a class and get a handbook on how to drive SMoms and Sdads beyond crazy.
Chapters include stupid blank stare, BM-My child is perfect and anything wrong with them is your fault, helplessness, how to act like a moron, etc..
Agree with zerostepdrama.
Agree with zerostepdrama.
Sometimes there is an underlying true mental health issue manifesting itself in the manipulation of one's poop and pee. It's very common in prison settings (playing with poop and pee) and I suspect there is a large number of mentally unwell people in prison.
I walked outside to cool off
I walked outside to cool off for a minute, I live in the south and it was over 100 degrees yesterday so basically I just had to put a little space between us lol. Anyways when I came back in SD8 was all over DAAAADDDDDDYYYYY with the extra loves and kisses and daaaaaaddddddyyyyy watch this or that. If I had rolled my eyes any harder they would have fell out.
I used to watch a 6-year old
I used to watch a 6-year old boy for a casual friend while she attended a college night course. The kid was always a bubble-off.
Anyway, he used to pee all over my toilet, walls, cabinet and even my shower curtain. It wasn't a simple "aim and miss" thing it was a deliberate watering down of my bathroom. So after a few episodes of that, I collected a bucket of soapy water and stood over him while he cleaned it up. His mom never mentioned it to me, as I'm guessing the 6-year didn't mention it to her.
But the piss-all-over-Tabby's-bathroom never occurred again. I've come to believe using one's urine or feces as a tool to make someone else's life miserable could be a sign of serious mental health issues (depending on other factors: age, number of incidents, reaction to being called out on it, etc.).
Agree. See my post above
Agree. See my post above where my AS did the same thing at my house. She does have mental issues. She did it at both my sister's house (during my niece's graduation party) then when her, my dad and SM got back to my house (where they were staying from out of town).
I think AS was jealous at the attention the grandkids and my sister and I were getting from our dad and SM. They rarely see us, so it was natural for them to want to spend a little extra time with us.
They are literally marking
They are literally marking their territory not unlike the animal kingdom. I am convinced of that. This is why the drunken Chef Boyardumb pisses all over his toilet in the utility room. His progeny used to do this as well culminating in YSS shitting over my house because he didn't get his way.
I think something is
I think something is seriously wrong with her, but I can't handle cleaning up piss and shit. He has to do something with this kid and get her some help and a diaper or he's got to move out.
You know that's not actually
You know that's not actually a horrible idea. It might embarrass her enough to make her start remembering all the stuff I've told her over and over about hygeine and bathroom etiquette!
I agree, I'm done with
I agree, I'm done with cleaning duty! SO screwed himself by talking ugly to me last night about the situation. Now he and SD8 can wallow in shit and piss for all I care. And then when SD8 goes back to BM for next week I think I might hire a maid to come clean the bathroom and pay for it with his debit card!
Great idea! I find that when
Great idea! I find that when Chef Boyardumb gets drunk (which is every night) he can't aim and the piss smell is awful in "his" bathroom" His bathroom also contains the litter box (Cat Genie) and his alcohol-infused piss smells a thousand times worse than the litter box. I just spray lysol in there and refuse to clean it.
My bathroom, on the other hand, has orchids and a scented wax warmer, is nice and clean with no man booze piss smell!
Oh he's going to start
Oh he's going to start getting it all up close and personal because I'm on strike. I'm done!
Well at this point I think he
Well at this point I think he is pretty sure that I can't stand his kid which is CORRECT
I really like this plan. Let
I really like this plan. Let me ask you this though, I cook dinner for everyone, should I only cook for me and BD11 and not SD8 even though her dad doesn't get home until usually after we eat? I don't want to be mean to her you know? I have decided not to clean up after SD8 anymore and he can do her pissy laundry. I like the idea of letting them use that bathroom only and me and BD11 use my bathroom.
What would they report to
What would they report to protective services? That she has bad bathroom hygiene? I'm not following you.
I will look up Stepdown right now.
I understand. Someone
I understand. Someone reported BM to child services and she was investigated for neglect of the other kids and SD8. Since SD8 lives at my house 50/50 they came and interviewed us as well. However nothing came of the neglect and as far as I know BM didn't get into any trouble. I told the case worker when she was at my house about the bathroom issues and my concern about something happening at BM's that would case this. Again nothing came of it.
No I will look that up now.
No I will look that up now.
He should be embarrassed
He should be embarrassed because this has been going on for two years. I insisted he take her to the Dr. I was in meetings that day and didn't go with them which was a huge mistake because he said Dr. took a urine sample said no infection and to stop giving her fluids after 7pm. So SO said Dr. said she is fine now get off my back, yet the problem continues on and on
My SS who is now 12 would
My SS who is now 12 would piss his pants and actually shit in them and just take them off and drop them in the hamper and not say a word. He was 10 going on 11 at the time and it had been an issue for a year or two prior. He would even do it in school...4th grade...pissing and shitting his pants and then sitting in it the rest of the day. He'd come home, I'd smell it...or worse my 5 year old would smell it and say "YOU stink! I smell poop!" BM said SS had a medical problem...took him to a doctor...put him through all kinds of tests...yeah the medical problem is SS is just plain LAZY and doesn't want to stop what he is doing to take a bathroom break. Last straw...I was doing the laundry, reached in to the hamper and got SHIT all over my hand and LOST IT!! DH had previously scolded SS but that's where it ended. So I went upstairs...told SS come here NOW....brought him to the laundry room, pulled out a brush and showed him the detergent and over the mess sink said, YOU will SCRUB your shit pants...you will pull YOUR piss pants out of the hamper and you will do it all yourself. DH wasn't happy...I point blanked looked at him and said...I should not have to worry about sticking my hand in shit and piss because our 10 yr old won't go to the bathroom...and I sure as HELL am not cleaning it for him!! I would have made my 5 yr old do it too...old enough to be potty trained. BULLSHIT.
OMG a handfull of shit!!!!!
OMG a handfull of shit!!!!! You won the prize for today! I would have rubbed my hands off on DH and SS
This situation is way out of
This situation is way out of hand.
If you are willing/able to be in charge when SO isn't home, it's a full-time job taking her to the toilet, putting her on it and wait for 10 minutes. Every hour. She can't use the bathroom unsupervised.
If you're not, then she needs diapers and her dad to clean up any messes.
Thank you so much for taking
Thank you so much for taking the time to look over my message and respond.
How old is your SD that is so nasty? Why does she still live with you guys? This is another huge fear I have that she will never leave! They moved into my house and I feel like I've lost my home. I have always been so tidy and neat and my daughter and I are just quiet at home. We are content to watch a movie together, read in our own rooms, etc... SD8 is loud, obviously nasty, she bounces all the time and touches the freaking walls?? So many times when she is there I throw my hands up and go sit in my bedroom because the thought of being around her one more minute makes me want to beat her or her dad. I have BEGGED him totake her to counseling and he says it's not needed. I'm not her parent and BM would never agree so how do I make this happen? It's like neither of her parents want help for her and I'm not her parent and know she needs it desperately!