I really don't want SS15 living with us. He is HORRIBLE! Just married DH in June and after the wedding is when he said he decided we wants to live here (I almost feel like he is doing it on purpose to ruin our marriage). The only fights we've had since being married have been about his son. So I was up all night thinking about how horrible it will be if SS15 stays and doesn't go back after summer (BM lives 2 states and 6.5 hours away) and DH was working night shift so I called him and explained to him my side. BTW he says he can't take his son and knows he is horrible, but he said he just can't tell him to go back home. ANYWAY here was my argument.

1) The 15-year-old can't choose where he wants to stay, it is up to the parents. And if his safety isn't at risk and he is getting everything he needs at his mothers why uproot him and have him move at 15-years-old when he has been with BM all his life.

2) At BM's house she has a huge home and he has his own room, own bathroom, own things. They live in an upscale community with parks, tennis courts, pools, for ONLY community residents. Here he has to share a small 2 bedroom townhouse with DH10

3) I said DH needs to talk to BM and find out why she thinks he wants to move suddenly....there has got to be some underlying reason. I think it is because a) he was the only child for 13 years, until his mother had twin girls (now 2) and she is pregnant due in the fall with a boy so he isn't as spoiled as he used to be. DH said BM buys his love and gets him whatever he wants, but with 3 extra kids now it is hard to do that and b) his mom moved to a new school district last year and I have a feeling he is having trouble making friends, because he has been up here for two months now and not ONCE mentioned a friend from back home. When he used to come up for the summer he would want to go back home after like 2 weeks because he wanted to get back to his friends.

So if that is the case he can't just "run away" from his problems. Because he does that with us now too. The second there is trouble or problems he tries to "run away" to his grandparents house. Running away from problems isn't healthy. He can't just jump around until he finds the person that he can manipulate and get what he needs.

4) If he moves up here this will be his 3rd school in 3 years AND after DH and I graduate (we are both back in school while working full-time, he is going for physical therapy and I am going for my masters in business), which is next year, we plan on moving south....so SS15 would have to go to yet ANOTHER school for his junior or senior year and I don't think that is healthy. He needs stability, so he should stay with his mom and go to school he went to last year. PLUS that high school is a top ranked high school.

5) BM said if SS15 lives with us she won't pay us child support, and I said DH needs to insist on CS if he does live here, because just the food costs with him being here have doubled.

6) We are married now, so any decisions in living situations should be discussed with me too, and this move was NEVER discussed with me, and he upsets the harmony of our household and is a bad influence on DS10. He already has a perfectly fine home with his mother.

So I think I had a pretty good argument. DH said he would talk to BM, but I don't know what that means. I think he just doesn't want to seem like a jerk AND he is getting all this pressure from his parents to try to keep SS15 here. But I tell DH HE IS THE PARENT...NOT THEM. And he is so manipulative with the grandparents, they don't see the devil side to him and he always plays the victim and they fall right into that. I told DH the grandparents are like putty in SS15's hands.

They also had the audacity to tell me this weekend, "You know with SS15 living with you now I don't think it is a good idea to move in a year or two because it would be too hard on SS15 to go to another school for his junior or senior year" Ummm....no crap, that is why he needs to go back to his mother AND we've had these plans for YEARS...when we graducate we are looking for jobs down south, we aren't even going to look up here. So I am not changing my plans, SORRY!