I agree with DK about automatically giving both parents joint legal custody. There are bad apples in every bucket and let's face it, there are lousy dads out there who shouldn't have joint legal.

These are all very valid points.

Funny you should mention these concerns, because I believe several of these points are going to come up for DH and Uberskank in the next few months. We strongly suspect she is moving out of state (to be with her new one and only, which would make it marriage number 5). Their custody file is one county over from where we live, she currently lives two counties away from us. I have a sneaking suspicion that she believes the cases (3 kids, 3 dads) will move with her out of state. All three CO were filed in the same county.

I will be sitting on the sidelines and watching the train-wreck that is Uberskank's life.

The reason you have to file in the county where the children live, and jump through those hoops is to prevent multiple courts from issuing different orders. If non-custodial doesn't like order in jurisdiction A what stops her from going to jurisdiction B and getting her own order? Then who's is enforceable?

Child support is based on a calculation of what it takes to care for a child, rather than what each parent makes. It's not a perfect system but they do that so that people don't quit good paying jobs and go take shitty ones so they pay less child support. Think of all the deadbeat parents out there. What stops them from just up and quitting their jobs and taking some part time $8.00 an hour job? If they have a shitty job and can't afford a lawyer, child support remains the same. An automatic decrease would prevent that too. Hell, most deadbeat parents would quit their jobs all together if it meant they could get an automatic reduction in child support. Plus, most states require you to prove that the decrease will last for six months or more. Same with the increase. If you are in a busy period of the year so your hours are better, should you be penalized if that busy period only last three months? Should your child support remain at the higher amount if the rest of the year your hours are cut back? Can you imagine the beauracratic red tape that would exist? You couldn't even keep track and it would be a nightmare for judges to have to sign and resign orders every three weeks because there was an increase or decrease.

Automatic joint custody is not always in the best interest of the child, even if both parents are amazing. What if they live two towns away? What do you do about school? Does the kid attend two different schools? Joint custody comes with its own host of nightmares too. Stability becomes a problem. Maybe not for younger children, but school age, it can affect sleep patterns and their ability to participate in school. What about activities? If a child wants to play softball, do they only get to play when they are with one parent, because the other parent doesn't want them to? Do they only get to play every other week? Who is responsible for the transportation? What happens if your work hours change and you are now working nights? Who cares for the child on your weeks? How do you establish a pattern or routine for young children and make sure the other partner follows through?

When the state goes after a parent for child support, it's usually because state assistance is involved. It would absolutely bankrupt the system to force tax payers to pay for attorneys in custody cases. You can't force attorneys to work for free, so who pays their fees? The tax payers? In many states (like mine) a purported father is entitled to a public defender in the paternity/cs stage but not the custody. Because they are nightmarish battles. Trust me, when I did divorce work I hated most of my clients. They call constantly, bitch about everything, and work their asses off to fuck with the other parent. There's a reason most divorce attorneys charge $5,000.00 as a retainer. You just signed up a client who is going to eat a majority of your workday and every minute you have to spend on their case is time you don't have to devote to other paying clients. There's no logistical way to provide an attorney for parents in the system who are fighting for custody except for legal aid. But legal aid can only take on so many cases so they have to have a cut off for income levels too.

Both parents, unless there is a court order saying otherwise, have the right to school and medical records.You do not, however, have the right to force the other parent to provide them. Call the school and the doctor. If the school and/or the doctor won't release the information, tell them to show you the court order preventing it. You would be surprised how quickly they will comply. But the onus is on the party wanting the records. The doctor, the school and the ex are not required to provide those.

It sucks, the system is broken. I agree. There's a reason I don't do that kind of work anymore. The problem is there isn't an easy fix. What works in some situations absolutely won't work in others. The real problem is that most people going through divorce and custody cases can't grow the hell up and deal with each other as adults who give a shit about their kids rather than their own hurt feelings. I am not saying this applies to your DH. In most situations there is one person who is typically reasonable and one person who is not. I would force people to go through mandatory parenting and mediation sessions before they can even FILE for divorce.

Here's the thing though, joint legal custody doesn't mean SHIT if the NCP isn't in the same town/county.

Did having joint legal mean anything when BM moved SD from school to school 5 times in 7 years? Did it mean the therapist SD16 sees (DH pays the insurance) would even talk to him without BM's permission? Can he do a DAMN thing about BM's husband who grabs, shakes, slaps SD16? No. BM's response is "Fuck you, she's MY daughter!!"

Joint legal is useless.

It would be useful to be able to file for custody matters in our home state and force BM up here, but I can totally understand why it doesn't work that way.