You are here

mildly O/T :Tables Turned

AliceP's picture

Submitted by AliceP on Fri, 03/22/2013 - 3:42pm

I wrote yesterday about BM saying she's going to quit her job to go back to school. How it seems odd that she gets a pat on the back for it but if a non custodial parent were to do the same thing they'd be labled as a dead beat. Wellll.....

I watch a little girl 2 days a week for a single mom with 2boys and 1 girl. Two boys have same father we'll call BFa. little girl has a different dad we'll call BFb. Today she dropped off little girl but I noticed boys we're in the car she said she was taking them to grandmas because she has missed too much work and their afterschool program won't take them as she is behind $2000. So they are missing school essentially because of child care issues. I asked about their dad, she said he is supposed to pay $415 a month plus a third of child care. He just pays half of child care nothing more. She said her only option is to quit her job, get on food stamps, get the kids covered on medical, and atleast that will be taken care of. I can't blame her, if the fathers aren't stepping up and for some reason she can't force them, and her high paying job still doesn't cover basic needs but leaves her unqualified for any assistance be it childcare, or childrens medical,etc....How can you blame her except to say, you shouldn't have had kids.

My BMs situation seems more frivolous to me because the skids are too old for daycare and DH does pay child support the court ordered amount plus the few times she's asked for help paying for other stuff.

I think She should make BFa take full custody of the boys pay him the amount agreed on and let him worry about the rest. It goes against a mothers insticts I know but the kids school is suffering, her work is suffering, she's being forced into a life of poverty. I myself feel trapped, one income is not enough these, but I wonder if I have the earning capacity to even get a job and cover what that would cost or do I sit here doing without til my girls are furthur along in school.

People should not have kids til they are ready but if people actually did that and waited til the perfect finacial situation, the human race I suspect would be extinct in 18months.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 03/22/2013 - 5:51pm

I don't have kids but I know that childcare is expensive. My opinion has always been that these parents should be helped with childcare costs instead of just given a handout that allows them to sit on their asses.

It's sad that honest, hard working people can't get some help but the lowlifes can get everything paid for by popping out kids and not working. There needs to be a meet-in-the-middle option. Not even an option, but a requirement. People should be helped because they ARE working and trying, not fully supported because they are not.

There should not be a completely free ride, just a subsidized one, if truly needed. What's the saying? Help those who help themselves?

As for deadbeat dads, well, they have ways of getting away with it and their children suffer.

Gitana's picture

Submitted by Gitana on Fri, 03/22/2013 - 5:59pm

I agree. My fiances ex wife is currently on welfare and collecting food stamps. Meanwhile she collects his child support and has a college educations nd was a professor at parsons university but decided it was important for her to stay home with the kids and not work for their bennifit (bennifit? If they have no food to eat.) not to mention the fact that 3 years ago she had a baby with a guy she was sleeping with (intentionally) but told him that if he got her pregnant (like she wanted) she would never collect child support from him or expect anything from him in the childs life, she knew that he had already planned to move back to brazil. So she brings anew baby into the world with no help. But still relies on my fiances child support and quits her job to collect money from the government. Needless to say I fucking hate this bitch. Please excuse my bluntness. Smile

AliceP's picture

Submitted by AliceP on Fri, 03/22/2013 - 6:06pm

My personal opinion on her situation (which I would never tell her) is: Her reason for leaving BFa in the first place was wrong. She just wasn't passionately in love anymore and she missed that exciting kind of relationship. Divorce and coparenting two seperate households is a major life choice and expense so silly girly dreams of romance seem irresponsable to me.

She hates conflict and confrontation and she agrees to things and suffers for it. (she's allowing him to claim one of the boys on his tax return!!!!)

BFb the little girls dad is clinically insane, gets ssi, but she has made no move to get ssi for little girl. Little girl would even qualify for medical but she let it lapse and no one will recertify her. I WOULD DO IT IF THEY JUsT GIVE ME THE PAPER WORK!! I call little girl Typhoid Mary because she comes here with a new sickness every week.

My friend goes to a hell of a lot of concerts. Dh and I have been to 2 in 7 years, they were gifts, and the "free" concerts still cost us an arm and a leg so I do wonder how priorites are organized.

She has been unable to pay me in the past and instead of giving me a heads up she'll just say sorry when she picks up her kid on Friday and leave me in a lurch because I do budget everything to the T, no room for hiccups. Makes it hard to want to help her out and for all I know BFa has his own justification.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Fri, 03/22/2013 - 10:08pm

Wait...so because the biodad is a deadbeat who doesn't pay what the court has ordered, you believe he should get FULL CUSTODY?
Dafuq??
Oh, and she should make sure she pays CS in full every month?