After dinner last night DH and I sat down on the porch to talk. This is our "adult time" and his children are not supposed to interupt it unless something is on fire or one of them is profusely bleeding. It's a 30 minute period where we adults get to just sit, talk to each other and unwind.

Since his kids got themselves into a load of crap the behavior of the younger three has improved, however there is still a lot more room for improvement. Subject during adult time that DH brought up was getting his kids cell phones again.

He presents his argument to me on why this should happen. Asking me to hear 'his side' only before he can start 'his side' the door opens and out walks his youngest son who just plops into a chair and looks at us. DH had to tell him to go inside.

Two minutes into his side, out walks his oldest son with "Can I play on the playstation" a few minutes later its his younger daughter with something else stupid. As soon as the cycle of kids was over and he had told each of them as they came out to go inside and do their evening chore, the cycle started again. And again. And again. DH repeated himself at least 5 times on how much they had matured, while they are walking outside like attention seeking kindergardeners.

When he finished his side I had one question for him: How did it feel for your kids to make a lying ass out of you?

Sadly he had no idea what I was talking about and I had to point out each of them flagrantly breaking the adult time rule, repeatedly, acting like the aformentioned kindergardeners, and bet him $5 that despite the fact he had told each of them three times to go inside and do their chore: that their chores likely still were not done. Dumbarse took the bet. I took his $5.00 less than a minute later when we walk in and the dinner table is not cleared, dishes are not done nor is their bathroom clean. (Yes I will be stopping by Starbucks on my way to work today to spend my winnings).

So I called all the kids out of their room and explained to them how badly they just screwed themselves. That all that time while we were out there your dad is telling me how much you have matured and you deserve phones, meanwhile you can't follow simple rules and finish minimal chores. DH and his kids were advised that when I see 6 months of consistant effort out of the kids, then and only then will I consider getting them cell phones. YSD was well on her way to a sulky fit that I expected them to be 'perfect'.

No. But I don't expect you to be stupid. Nor do I appreciate that you seem to think I am stupid and will continue to play stupid while you attempt to play your father.

I had four heads whipping to look at me, four sets of eyes wide as each of them protested that Dad did NOT get "played" by them.

Really?

So ysd you didn't spend an entire day snuggled up to your daddddi, stroking his male ego, jumping up at every opportunity this past weekend to fetch and carry for him, all while wheedling and cajoling him into allowing you to spend the night at a friends house whose parents both work nights (older sibling 'babysits')? That conversation I overheard between you and your Dad about how you "helped take care of JHW" and how you had "earned" this overnight with your friend?
And DH, you didn't fall for the oldest trick in the book of having your ego stroked with lots of attention, ignoring the fact her room was trashed and she did not do her chore that day (laundry)? Oh thats right! You did fall for it: because you let her go!

Many more examples followed. All the kids, not just ysd. I am honestly beginning to think DH has no clue of when someone is playing him or not. I gave him a heads up last night. You got off work and were home at 2. Your kids had 4.5 hours where it was just you and them in the house: for all their complaining they never had time with just you: how much of that 4.5 hours did they spend just "hanging" with you.

0. Zero. Zilch. Nada. They were in their rooms, listening to music, on the house phone talking to friends, playing video games, etc.

That is normal teenage behavior! These are the years where they are attempting to separate from the parental units and gain independance. DH was advised when you have a teenager (or more than one teenager) lodged up the crack of your ass, constantly seeking attention from you: they WANT something. And the more time they spend lodged in your ass: bank on whatever they want being totally against rules you have already established!

Explained to his kids that while they may still be dealing with an inexperienced father there is an experienced mother in the house, who IS wise to the games teenagers play.

Long term, is wait and see if the conversation did any lasting good. Short term: ysd tried the snuggle/cuddle thing again last night with him and DH looked at her and said "What do you want?" she huffed, got up and went to her room. Maybe the old dog is learning a few new tricks?

As a PS: yes, their behavior is dramatically improved over what it was. There is still a lot of room for improvement on theirs and DH's part. And that improvement is what I need to see before my credit gets put out there on cell phones for them. You want something from "me" live up to my expectations. I am not going to just hand it to you because your father wears rose tinted glasses and thinks everything is smurfy now.