Having one of those moments of irrationality...
So today my dh is at a local amusement park with ss14 and at least my dd10, perhaps my ds13 as well-I'm not sure if he went or not. Now, let me say, first of all this is really no big deal-we are 5 minutes from the park-we always get season passes-it's not that big of a deal to go-my kids go at least once a week-sometimes 2 or 3 times. My oldest, dd14, works there. But I am feeling a bit perturbed by it all. This is the first time all year my dh has gone. He is going because ss14 (who moved out a month ago) called him and pestered him to go. I feel like I should be glad as he did include at least one of our other kids (I know my oldest wouldnt want to as she is working later today)-this is not some special one on one trip-but it still irks me a bit. I really have no idea why it irks me-I cant come up with any rational idea why it bothers me.
This is the first time dh has seen ss14 in the month he has moved out. They probably just started talking a little over a week ago when ss14 called repeatedly asking dh to take him camping. When that didnt work out-it has now switched to the amusement park. My dh has not gone to the amusement park with any of the other kids-he has just sat home all day with them. He lets them go with friends or whatnot-but has never gone with them.
So can someone please explain ME to me? Why does this little thing bother me in any way shape or form? I didnt let on to dh that it concerned me. Told him to have a good time.
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LOL! Im not going to bite
LOL! Im not going to bite your head off! I wondered if it was jealousy as well-as I certainly wasnt included in this trip since I sit here at work. Not that I really want to go-it is miserably hot today and I'd rather stick needles in my eye than hang out at the park with ss14 in 100 degree weather.
And since he did not just take HIS kids, but ours and mine as well I am not even jealous on my kids behalf.
well it kinda smells like dh
well it kinda smells like dh is being played by ss... again/still... and you know how we are sensitized to that... like ss may be gone but he ain't done plain' the system yet.
That is my thought!! It's not
That is my thought!!
It's not irrational to feel that way, SS and inlaws play her DH and HE lets them.
I think her DH needs to feel needed and puts up with so much crap from people who will throw him a morsel.
It would bother me to, HMO, if I were in your situation.
I completely understand. I
I completely understand. I call it DaddyTyme. And in my situation, the reason it irritates me is because SD15 makes a HUGE deal about "alone time with Daaaaadddddy" not because she acutally wants it, but because her mother has planted the seed in her brain that the kid can't have alone time with daddy because Just Tired is up his butt 24/7. So, now SD15 has taken up that torch and whines about it.
But, when DH tries to get SD15 to spend time with him, she's not really interested. It's all a bit act to triangulate me out of the picture.
He used to fall for it. He doesn't anymore.
Sorry you're feeling that way, and it's not crazy.
I've had something similar
I've had something similar bother me too...
My FDH would sit and do nothing with us all week, but the minute SS11 wants to do something, my FDH makes a real effort for "family time".
That "family time" is absent when it is just me, my son, and FDH.
Rationally, I can recognize
Rationally, I can recognize that he probably needs to spend some time occassionally with his ds. And I'd rather him not do it around me
so really I should be happy that this does not infringe on me, or my time, and I dont have to be involved in anyway. It just irks me. I am assuming that one of his screwed up family members (I think the mil) is the one who provided the transportation and such and this too irks me. Dh asked her the other day to take him to the hardware store and she said no. She never sees my or dh and I's child together EVER-but for ss14 she will transport him 15 minutes to our town, come pick up my dh as well and do this.
HMO, I think if I were you I
HMO, I think if I were you I would resent the very fact that SS and inlaws even breath the same oxygen as you.
Everything about them all is disgusting.
edited to say: I hope ss gets sick from riding the amusement rides, the little shit doesn't deserve to have fun!
Ha! Maybe that's it. I just
Ha! Maybe that's it. I just resent all of their existence and I don't like to be reminded of it period. I dont particularly like MY kiddos around ss14 although I dont think there is any danger or threat involed at such a public place and with my dh as a chaperone-but still.
Acutally, I think this really might be it. The whole lot of them make me want to vomit so any reminders of them irk me.
Oh, and my guess is that dh is not going to come home in a fantastic mood after spending a wonderful day with ss14. He is a little jerk and even dh is aware of it-so my guess is that BOTH dh and ss will have a miserable time.
I dont even think it is that.
I dont even think it is that. If my dd10 or ds13 had pestered him into going with them he probably would have given in as well-but they just typically go with their friends.
It is probably not jealousy
It is probably not jealousy so much as the dynamic of your DH and SS. The fact that SS pestered DH to go and DH gave in. It was not DH's idea, he did not plan it, he basically let SS call the shots. That is probably what is pissing you off. It would me. You most likely would not be pissed had it been planned ahead of time by DH.
Talk to your DH and do not let him get into this habit, as SS will use it to his every advantage if he thinks it will work.
It can be exhausting, fending off the manipulation tactics but it has to be done. And even then, they keep on tryin'!
Last week when they talked he
Last week when they talked he also asked dh to get him his schedule for next year. Dh told him something like, "Yeah, I could probably get that, Ill let you know". This one irked me as well-as ss14 knows that *i* am the one that gets online and looks at grades and such-dh doesnt even know the dang password to the school website! On Monday when they were talking about this amusement park trip-I think he asked dh again to which dh replied "we'll talk about it on Wednesday". In some ways I think it is hilarious as I will not be looking up ss's schedule online (I actually already did to see if he had any classses with my dd14)but other than that I have no interest in what it is and it is of no concern to me. This kid resides with my inlaws, they get paid to care for him, if he needs to know his school schedule he needs to be talking to THEM-not trying to get dh to get me to do something for him.
To add, dh IS planning a
To add, dh IS planning a camping trip with ss. This has been "planned" since May. We went on vaca without ss14 to Florida for a week-so dh's way to make that up to ss was to offer to take him camping for a couple of days-we have a free voucher for two nights at a local, nice campground to stay in a rv and I even told dh he could have it for him and ss. Unfortunately almost ALL dates are blacked out! And it would require some real advance planning on dh's part to call up and reserve a spot as they are almost always booked-so that is the camping trip that he is pestering dh about. This doesnt really bother me so much as I know that my dh will be miserable. I know that he will probably ignore ss much of the time. So ss will end up being miserable. I know that me and my kids can probably find something more exciting to do-or just to be shits we could book the same time at the campground and go do our own thing!
Your DH is probably miserable
Your DH is probably miserable out there in the heat today, too!
"or just to be shits we could
"or just to be shits we could book the same time at the campground and go do our own thing!"
OH HELL NO!!!Go out to enjoy yourselves, by yourselves, WAY FAR AWAY from them, without any influence on your emotions!