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He already has one, why is it so hard for us to have one together?

Rachel81's picture

My DH and I have been together for 7 years married 1. He has a dtr that was 5 when we met and I accepted her from day one. Now we are married I have to beg him to try to make our own baby. Will we ever have one together? He always says he is going to try and then he doesnt. Since my last conversation with him that was really bothering me that he wasn't trying. He said he was try hard, but he has actually stopped having sex with me as often. I don't know what to do? Was I fooling myself all these years thinking that we would have one advantually. I am not getting any younger and I feel every day that we don't try I am losing time? Doesn't he love me enough to want a baby as much as I do?

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Rachel81's picture

The issues with BM is off and on for us that won't ever go away. I have been completely honest with my DH about all my feelings, but he hasn't proven to me that he is trying yet. we also had a family meeting inregards to issues with SD11 all is well for us now.

hereiam's picture

Having a child is something both should really want. If one person doesn't really want to or is even on the fence, it could end badly for all involved.

Rachel81's picture

That's what I am worried about. I don't know what else I can do to make him realise how much I want this and if I don't get it what will happen.

Poodle's picture

I haven't read your other posts but from what you say here it looks like you should tell him straight that you want children more than you want him. Then move on. I think threatening to leave unless he has a child then only having him father a child because he does not want to lose you, is a dangerous policy and will inevitably lead to guilt trips, manipulation within the relationship, and heartache.
This is a terribly painful thing to do but a friend of mine did it some years ago and never looked back. She is now very happily married to a much nicer man. As luck would have it they don't have children - she got her menopause quite early - but she got a man who was prepared to give her all. There is nothing more sapping than being in a relationship with an emotional withholder - I know from experience in a past relationship how hurtful + demoralising this is.

Rachel81's picture

He gives me everything else life can offer and he always says he will try and he does at times, but not enough for me. I think my SD BM did a number on him and now he is emotionally damaged when it comes to wanting more children. I also know that he wants to hold out till I become permanent full time at my work place (currently working full time, but considered casual) I think we would be fine financially and he needs to start breaking the habit from always pulling out to making baby.