I know kids will be kids and they will have their moments of defiance but I am seriously getting fed up with my SD's behavior. Tonight, she was going to the bathroom (and announced it to us like usual) and my DH told her to brush her teeth while she was in there. After about 10 minutes I go to check on her and as I open the door I catch her hopping her butt back onto the toilet (undies still around her ankles). She immediately starts saying she was going potty and I told her "no, if you are going potty your butt is on the toilet and you're trying to go potty. If you're not on the potty, or if you've tried and still can't go, then you need to be done. If you have to go again in 5 minutes, then go again." So I made her be done (and she didn't have to go again either), and helped her start brushing her teeth. (I know she does this because she doesn't want to go to bed, but it still annoys me). While brushing our teeth together I'm watching her (and she's been doing this for the last couple weeks) and notice she's not actually brushing. I remind her that when brushing her teeth she needs to focus on brushing her teeth not looking at herself in the mirror. She has serious bottle rot on ALL of her teeth and was told by the dentist she needs corrective procedures under anesthesia, so I have been keeping a close eye on how well she brushes and I help her floss and then we rinse. But after telling her once to brush, she stops brushing again out of defiance, so I say "if you don't want more sugar-bug holes, then you should brush your teeth", and she brushed for like two swipes then quit again. This time I got upset and told her that she needs to brush her teeth or we're gonna brush longer than the timer says to, and she starts stomping her feet and giving me angry looks in the mirror, so I gave her a tap on the hand to let her know that that behavior is unacceptable (and I am the majority caregiver since I watch her every day that she's with us, so most reprimanding is left up to me), and tell her that that is enough and to brush her teeth and she won't be done until she's brushed like a big girl and had done ALL of her teeth. After a few seconds of being angry she starts to act like her normal self again smiling at me and the like. After her fit I explained calmly to her that if she's not going to act like a big girl and more like a baby, I'll start treating her like one (which she thought was cool by the look on her face), then explained that "that means going to bed early and taking naps and no more yummy big girl food. So if you want to stay up and not have naps and eat the food you like to eat, then you need to act like a big girl acts". She agreed and we read a story and went to bed like usual no problems. I explained as I kissed her goodnight that I don't like to have to tell her to do something I know she can do, and asked her to promise to act like the big girl she is. And she agreed and I could tell she felt bad. I gave her another hug and kiss and said I love you. Afterwards, I consulted my DH and mentioned the behaviors and what happened and asked what he thought we should do and he starts saying "it's because she's a kid" and "you're too hard on her" and "you expect her to be perfect". I wasn't asking for his opinion of my parenting style, I was asking for his help in deciding what to do about it. So of course, now, I'm pretty angry with him for just defending her bad behavior and not discussing our options like I asked, and I feel attacked. I don't know what to do since he's not always around for me to tell him to deal with it and to be honest he doesn't really pay enough attention when she is acting up. He even walked in during this episode and sweetly told her to "brush your teeth baby". I hate that I'm always made out to be the evil stepparent because I expect her to do the things I know she can do. And it's not like I flew off the handle for the first little bit of attitude. I gave repeated requests to behave and she still was defiant and that's what got me upset. I hate that this is becoming a regular thing for DH and I to argue about every time she is with us. I wasn't aking him to pick sides, I wasn't asking him to call me a bad parent, I was asking him to help me come up with a solution so we can be working on the same page when she does act up. UGH! I'm just so frustrated right now! It's making me feel so resentful toward both of them.... I don't want to feel this way!