I agree with above response. Most of us feel like this and we also feel like you do that they are just vents. I feel like maybe I should run sometimes but love DH and know I won't. Don't take it hard because on this site we only get little tid bits of the whole puzzle and try to advise the best we can. In some cases running probably is the best road to go, but since we're all on this site I'd have to say we clearly didn't or we wouldn't be stepmoms lol. Good luck and my advice...Just keep swimming

I understand where you're coming from, and understand the need to vent. But in a lot of these cases, maybe not necessarily yours, the best suggestion from others may be to run. Especially if you look at the "Adult Stepkids" forum. Lots to learn there from people that have been doing this stepdance for decades.

I agree with SOM, that there is value in hearing others' perspectives and thinking about it. You are two years in - what will the long-term future hold? You don't really know at this point nor does your SO. What you can do is educate yourself to the potential problems and possible solutions - including the price you may have to pay to stay and what you might lose if you go. It's a question that ANYONE in a relationship needs to ask themselves, stepkids or not.

I agree, I hate the "run" advice. I am not a big believer in divorce-sometimes it is necessary I understand-but I'd rather fix something that's broken vs throw it away. JMO. I have thought about leaving my dh many times-but thoughts is as far as it gets. I truly love the man, as trying as he can be at times I've tried to be a good wife and I feel like that HAS paid off in some ways. My ss14 recently left the home. Just the other day my dh thanked me for the opportunity for him to at least TRY with ss and said it was more than either of them deserved.

Guilty - I've said "RUN", but to qualify, it was when the OP wasn't married yet. Not saying they weren't committed to the relationship, but still - knowing what you know now, would you have jumped in?

I've had "RUN" thrown at me as well and frankly, that's not my way. My DW, just like me, is gloriously flawed but she is at her center, one of the most caring, passionate people that I have ever met. And she's damn sexy....so I ain't goin' no where.

I think the fact that you aren't married and you don't have any bio kids...everyone thinks if your unhappy you have nothing holding you in this relationship. and most everyone else on here is either in a marriage, or has bio kids, and obviously it make it harder to leave.

And I don't mean to be blunt, but never forget that you really do not "have everything in common" with your SO: He has two kids and will have until his dying day. From what you posted thus far, those two kids have problems.

Keep in mind that the BM will usually be in the picture in some form or another forever, too - up to and including when the skids get married and then grandkids are involved. She will always have influence over those kids until her dying day, too. Know this now!

Those kids who are troubled today may very well likely turn into troubled adults. When they are little they may have little problems but when they get big, they will have bigger problems. Anything from neverending financial needs to legal/criminal issues. And your SO will be drawn into it, as will you - even if by association. Always guard your assets and keep a financial escape route ready should you need it someday.

Of course, some troubled kids wind up just fine and forge good step relationships. I guess there must be another site for those families. You won't find many of them here.

I do think there are situations where, in my heart, I believe the best solution would be to run. However, having been through a marriage already, experience has taught me that "RUN NOW!" is anything but helpful advice.

A person needs to reach a certain point in a relationship where THEY have had "enough". They need to come to that resolve in their own minds & hearts in order to be able to leave & not end up looking back with regrets or "what-if's".

Just because someone has children doesn't mean that a relationship with them is destined to fail or even be miserable or unhappy or unfulfilling.

I do believe there are people who are not cut out for step-life, but I also believe there are people who function really well in step-life.

My life as a stepmother isn't perfect. I've licked many an emotional wound. I've suffered hurt feelings & I've comforted DH's emotional pains. That said, I couldn't ask for a better husband. Being a stepmother to my stepkids has been painful, but my marriage is sound & I'm happy being DH's wife.

This type of question always makes me wonder. There are two issues here:

1. Women come here to vent and many times ask for advice. In "real life" most women just vent and want to be heard...that's it. Usually they vent to their SO who is wired to "fix things" and thus they have issues with them. But come here and ask for advice and then complain when tsicksmokershey don't like the advice. Those who do make me feel sorry for their SO because it shows that they don't want solutions, just to solve things on their own...thus why again seek advice?

2. If you go to these types of sites, this is the general advice you will receive...
highschool dropout complaining about not having money-go back to school
Sick smokers-quit smoking
Abused women-leave the sob
overweight people unhappy with their life-go on a diet

Yet they come to a step-parent site to complain about SO, ex and skids and get ticked off when otherstell them to run.

Well BBGirly, I read through your BIO, and my advice to you is to RUN... just get out of your relationship. Throw in the towel, kick rocks, take a hike, blow that popsicle stand.

Just kidding

I don't pay too much attention to the "run" responses. I know for me, what I share on this site is just bits and pieces of my situation. For a few reasons. #1 it would take too long to tell the whole story, and #2 privacy purposes. So, you have to take the advice that applied to what you KNOW is the whole situation, and leave the rest for the reading pleasure of the rest of us.

Confused...I don't know how old you are, but nowadays it is really hard to find a guy or girl that hasn't been married, and have kids. and the older you get, it is downright impossible.

I don't ever tell people to run..I listen and I let them rant, because bottom line is, thats all people come on here for..to vent and get advice. I think if someone wanted to run or leave, they wouldn't be on this board because thats exactly what they would be doing on their own. Everyone has their breaking point eventually in situations that aren't good for them and either they find ways to get around it, work on it or just leave.

I really hate advice from non stepmoms myself. Especially the ones who tell me Im selfish because I refuse to babysit, contribute financially, or spend time with the skids. I hate the "well you chose to be with a man with kids so deal with it. They are a package deal so if you don't want to be a stepmom, then find someone without kids"

Really? How many people are single parents these days? A LOT. And in my situation its kind of a no win because I don't want kids myself so its hard to find someone who doesn't want kids and doesn't have kids. I (like all of us on the board) fell in love with men who have kids. And a lot of us also told our SO's in the beginning where our boundaries were..like me telling SO I do not want to parent, babysit or contribute financially and he was fine with it. But thats not going to stop me from coming on here to vent anyways. Doesn't mean I want to run..or leave him.