I have had a similar issue, but my SO's kids love me, until they have contact with their mother. For us it isn't working because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells as to not piss him off when it comes to something with the kids. He thinks I am intolerant and a bit(h, but truthfully, his kids are brats. I am 26 but I live with him, and I wouldn't have anywhere else to go if i left him. But I also hold the income. I love him and he treats me amazingly... until the kids decide they want to cause trouble.
My SO has everything password protecteed. He also deletes all texts, IM's, and any other kind of message he could get. He gets mad if I ask questions about who he is talking to or if I come over when he is reading an email. Especially since I have found naked pictures that he claims were sent to him by a female friend unprovoked and were not answered.

He only ever see's anything wrong if I do it. I woulnd't say that we aren't working, but we have a lot of issues that he ignores. I am afraid I can't give much advice because I am lost as well, but I am glad you posted this rant so I know I am not alone.

Sorry your in this situation, but I don't think you will get any advice on here, because I'm afraid most of us would tell you what you don't want to know. But I think your right, he is not happy either or he wouldn't be going to dating sites. Staying in a relationship because there are too many complications...is never a good idea!

This is what I see, you SO is one of those people who can't be by himself. He depends on others to provide for him, be it money, furniture, housing, love, etc. It sounds to me like he is basically stringing you along, until he can find someone to replace you.. the two of you shall overlap, because that is modus operandi.

If you are OK with this, then carry on as you are, but you can't feel hurt and cheated by his actions. Some men are VERY good at lieing and convincing when it comes to cheating. I know because I've been there. My ex husband was cheating on me for about 2 years unbeknownst to me until I started getting annoymous phone calls and letters. I swear to you, I am an educated, intelligent person who had ZERO clue as to what was going on. Yeah, he'd go out one or two nights a week with "friends" but that didn't bother me, and he ALWAYS came home. Hell, I even got pregnant during that time (ended in miscarraige) so it's not like there was no love and/or sex. We never fought, were not having money problems or anything like that. We had been married almost 10 years and I truly think he was just bored with married life and had some type of mid-life crisis. When I confronted him numerous times after I got the calls and letters he would do the same as your SO, cry, stomp his feet, tell me that someone must be out to get him, that he was no way, no how, cheating on me, he would look me right in the eye and bald face lie and I beleived him (for a while) When it all came out I felt like a stupid moron.. like everybody knew but me, how could I be so stupid??

I guess what I am trying to say is that your SO is actually giving you clear cut signs as to what his intentions are. It is sad for me to read that you are more concerned about HIM not having any furniture, house, money etc if you leave him while HE is out there putting profiles on dating sites and doing God knows what else. How horribly disrespectful. How low can he go? You have to decide what you are willing to put up with I guess. I hope nothing but the best for you, sure you might not be able to find a man with no kids, but I bet you can find one with kids who treats you better than this....

Oh hun...I hate to tell you...but it sounds like you can't admit it is not working. He is out trying to date while you look the other way and not take action. Good luck and please get yourself tested because I would almost guarantee that he has cheated or will very doon.

(((baseballgirly))) You are putting up with a lot. A LOT. I am not going to tell you to leave, but I am going to say that your SO's potential problems if you leave (housing, $$, etc) are his problem alone. This just should not factor into your decision. He will figure out a way to make it if you leave. That's all there is to it. Once you break up it's not your job to take care of him - you need to look out for yourself and your wellbeing.

More importantly though - your SO is joining dating sites? WTF. That, in my opinion, is actively trying to cheat, which is as bad as cheating. When you called him out on it he used YOUR unhappiness as an excuse for HIS attempts to cheat? Give me a break, what an a-hole! He was basically blaming you for his own actions and choices. It sounds like he is not invested in this relationship. Why should you be?

Have you looked at it from another point of view:

"I am 30. The chances of me finding a guy without kids is pretty unlikely." You are YOUNG!! Too young to "settle" for what you think you can get rather than what you deserve. There certainly ARE guys out there who do not have kids if that is what you want.

"So breaking up with SO just to date another guy with kids isn't really an option I'm willing to look into." Just because your SO doesn't parent his children does not mean that every single father doesn't parent effectively.

"I don't leave because he and his kids get along perfectly with my family." That's a real blessing but again - they are not the only people out there who will get along with your family.

"I don't leave because without me, SO would have nothing. No furniture, no house, no money for anything but rent and child support. That's no life for anybody." But is it your job to take care of him or his job to take care of himself. There is a big difference in being someone's partner vs their substitute parent/enabler.

And he is joining dating sites?????!!!!!

Much as you love him, his children are not going to go away and if you can't make peace with how he parents his kids... well, don't you think you deserve better than this?

"So breaking up with SO just to date another guy with kids isn't really an option I'm willing to look into."

not all guys with kids are alike. some will actually respect you, parent their children and make you first in their life.

are you willing to find a guy like that?

"There are many reasons I don't leave. I am 30. The chances of me finding a guy without kids is pretty unlikely."
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So, you're settling? I'm going on 37 & have no kids. There are men out there who don't have kids you would probably be much happier with.

I don't leave because he and his kids get along perfectly with my family.
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Despite the fact you're unhappy with this situation, you're staying because it's a great setup between his family & yours???

I don't leave because without me, SO would have nothing. No furniture, no house, no money for anything but rent and child support. That's no life for anybody.
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In other words, you provide this man with everything he needs? I hate to say it, but you sound like my ex. I think you'd be surprised with what this man could be capable of if you'd go ahead & let it go. He survived before you. He'll survive after you. You say "that's no life for anybody", but what kind of life would it be for you to know that this person you're sharing your life with is only with you because they had no faith in your ability to do for yourself. Pity is no reason to stay with someone.

Don't break up with him just to date another guy with kids. Break up with him because you BOTH deserve better. You deserve to feel happy in life. He deserves to be with someone who WANTS to be with him...not someone who's with him out of obligation.

Sounds like he's more than ready to move on, & it sounds like you're full of excuses not to.

I won't tell you to leave, I'll just say a couple things.

I have been dating my SO for a year and a half. I'm almost 33, and I was dating quite a bit before that. Only once did I ever date someone with a kid (one of the reasons I found my way here!). There are plenty of guys for a 30 year old to date with no kids.

I feel sad for you that while he is out there setting up profiles on singles sites, you are worried about leaving him because he'll have nothing. You seem to be far more concerned about him than he is about you.

Last thing, you have one life to live and it's not that long. It goes by in an instant. Don't be a martyr, you are gaining nothing by your suffering. What I always do is to imagine myself on my death bed....what am I going to be happy I did and what am I going to regret I did. I would certainly regret spending years of my precious short life being miserable unneccesarily. You deserve to be happy. Go find your happiness.

"There are many reasons I don't leave. I am 30. The chances of me finding a guy without kids is pretty unlikely."
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So, do you wanna spend another 5 or 10 years with this man and still be in the same exact spot that you are in now, just older? The fact that you can't stand his kinds more than likely is not going to change. The fact that he is a user, is not going to change. There are men out there who are respectful of their partner and who are good dads, my DH is one of them and I found him when I was 27.

"I don't leave because without me, SO would have nothing. No furniture, no house, no money for anything but rent and child support. That's no life for anybody."
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It is HIS job to worry about himself and his kids-not yours. I'm sorry, but I think he is taking advantage of you.

The only time my DH password protected his phone was bc I sent him some pictures of me half naked and I didn't want his co-workers (or his son) picking up his phone and seeing me half naked...I had the password. I actually have the passwords to all of my DH's accts and he knows the passwords to all of mine.

From my point of view, this is no relationship. Relationships are about give and take. All your SO is doing is taking. You deserve so much better. I hope you realize what you're worth and move on to a much healthier and happier relationship.

bestwife!!!! Wait..wait wait!! Aren't you in almost the same situation??!! WOW.

She's been busily doing that to many people on this site last night.