Suggestions on how to include Skids in wedding - welcome them into 'our' new life?

FDH and I are getting married in Oct and We have always wanted to include SS5 and SS7 in the wedding so that they feel and understand that this affects them but in a good way.

BM got re-married last year and it broke my heart because SKids were an after thought and in some cases even a bother. But now that they are married BM makes them call her hubby 'dad' but doesn't give him any 'dad' authority. SS7 admits to arguing with SDH and BM has complained that I am given TOO much 'power' over the boys.

The boys were not allowed to attend any of the parties involved with BM's wedding - engagement, showers, rehearsal dinner, ect. They were picked up LATE (it was our weekend of course) and dropped off early (they were there maybe 3 hours). SS7 told us that he walked BM down the isle but that was it.

SS7 has been asking a lot of questions and I try to answer them as best as I can, he is curious about the wedding, which seems odd since he supposedly had already been through one. We are having the boys be Jr. Groomsmen and they are walking down the isle with 2 little girls. They will stand with us at the alter.

But we are doing our own vows and the ceremony will be preformed by FDH's brother. We plan to also have a section where I address the boys - a family vow often used when one or both parties have children from a previous relationship. I want to explain to them in front of everyone that I promise to take care of them (as much as I can) and that we are going to be a family (as much as we can be) and to give them something, but I don't know what. They will see me make a promise to FDH and give him a ring so my promise to them might mean more if I give them something. Because of their age I want it to be something they would be excited to get now and want to keep as the get older (currently I have a good relationship with them).

Any ideas? What did you guys do to include sKids?

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We did a "sand ceremony". In

We did a "sand ceremony". In a traditional marriage, the bride and groom would each have a colored sand (different colors) and pour them together in to a glass vase of some sort to represent the union of two becoming one. In our case, each of us had a color and the 5 us us poured the sand in to the glass vase to represent the 5 of us becoming a family.

It sits on our mantel, we love it.

Me and my husband included

Me and my husband included our children in our wedding vows too (his two kids and my one). We bought them all build-a bears so they could feel like a family. I thought it was going pretty good, but then BM decided halfway through our day that she wanted the kids back and threatened my husband with calling the cops. So he had his sister take them to her. This was like at 5 or so. I didn't know any of this happened till later. I guess he didn't want to ruin my day. But, in hindsight, wish I had known. Because the BM still manipulated my husband all the time like this and I feel at a loss.

Good luck with including them. I will pray for a lovely day for you. Maybe you won't have the same issues as me.

I attended a wedding of two

I attended a wedding of two early 20yo's earlier this year. They did something that frankly I do not understand lol. Maybe you will know what it is or can adapt it to your situation.

This was in a Baptist church. At the back of the altar area to one side (no choir loft) was a big easel with a blank canvas. On a small table nearby there looked to be jars with brushes.

First, the bride's mother was escorted down the aisle. She went up the stairs of the altar alone and went over and fiddled with the brushes. Then, the brides (estranged) father and his wife/gf/no idea who she was were escorted down the aisle and they also went up to the easel and fiddled with the brushes. The groom's parents were also escorted down the aisle and went up and fiddled with brushes.

Later in the ceremony, the bride and groom went over to the easel and began to paint a picture together. The bride tore off the blank page (why?) and they painted on the next sheet. The end result was a pretty neat looking picture, sort of abstract but you got the idea of unity.

I don't know why the parents didn't paint something and then the kids flesh it out. Just not really sure I understand the whole point of it all BUT at the end the bride and groom have a cool pic to frame and display.

So maybe you could adapt something like that, each child can make their own mark, so to speak, on a blank canvas representing the new family and then the married adults paint their interpretation of beginning a new family life together.

I am with you. My Skids WILL

I am with you. My Skids WILL NOT be standing up front, flower girls, or anything else that will possibly ruin my day. Yes they can be in photos but I do not trust them not to destroy my memory of walking down the isle. They have ruined my birthday, Christmas, and countless other days with their "ME" attitude and complete lack of listening skills and I will not have any of it on my day.

My FDH already had his wedding where it was about him and the B!tch and there werent kids then, I have a right to have my day be about us, just because he has kids doesnt mean that they have to be involved. A wedding is about two people becoming one. Not about a woman marring the kids.

Yep I will not be making that

Yep I will not be making that kind of promise. I love the girls. I would bend over backwards for them however I am not their mother, it isnt my fault their mom is a POS and I will not make a promise to be stepped on for the rest of my life. What I choose to do with/for them is out of love, if they choose to disrespect and spit on me they can love without my kindness for a while.

Ommy....I wish I had your

Ommy....I wish I had your experience and wisdom 5 yrs ago. I agree with you. This is about a union between a man and woman. It's not a union between a man, a woman, their kids, their dog, their parents or the exes.

I allowed DH's kid to be part of our ceremony and I have regretted it ever since. She ruined the day by refusing to participate once she got up there. She was a little s**t the entire day and night. But every one of my friends was "Oh...she's just having trouble adjusting. Oh.....she's just upset."

No....she's a fricking spoiled princess who wanted to spoil our special day.

Never again.

I respect that point of view.

I respect that point of view. It's not for everyone. In our case, we thought it was important to involve our kids. It was about 5 minutes of the ceremony, and it was special for them.

I had the pomp and circumstance in my first wedding. I didn't feel the need for it with DH. It was a small backyard wedding. The kids went barefoot, and DH wore flip flops. By the end of the night he was thrown in the pool by my best friends husband and my SIL boyfriend, who were in competition to see who could be "THAT GUY" at the wedding. You know "THAT GUY that got way too drunk, THAT GUY that grabbed the brides ass, THAT GUY that threw the groom in the pool". It was actually a lot of fun to watch. I was just a happy bride, I don't think anything could have ruined my day. Not even my MIL who showed up high as a kite and proceeded to drink herself in to a stooper by the end of the night. I didn't even notice until I went upstairs and found her on my daughters bed passed out. It was as simple as "FIL come get your drunk wife" and it was taken care of good times (**eye roll**)

Oh and get this - we got her a little ring, which was STOLEN off her finger? when she spent the night at her cousin's house??!! weird! hmm, never had anything stolen from me by a relative??