O/T-Completely Heartbroken...Again (language sorry)
Found out last night that while AH (asshole husband now, he doesn't deserve DH anymore)separated for a little over a month during the holidays he was sleeping with a female coworker who he's been telling me for months now is just a friend. I don't even know what to do I'm just completely numb. He told me that he still has feelings for her but the only time they slept together was while we were apart. I asked him last night was it me or her and his response was "I don't know" WTF!!! You don't know? Almost 8 years of marriage and he doesn't know!! Fuck him and her!! He couldn't really say anything to me last night other than he was sorry and all I wanted to say was if you're so damn sorry why the fuck did you do it in the first place? I told him this morning that after work I'm coming home packing some stuff and I'm leaving because he clearly wants to be with this other woman and I can't fight him anymore, all he could do is hang is head for a few minutes and then leave for work. Not one fucking word! Why couldn't he tell me this months ago when he came home? Why now? He said I needed to know.
The sad part is that I still want to fight for my marriage. I know it would take alot for me to trust him again, especially since he works with this little bitch, but he doesn't seem to even care how hurt I am so I'm gone, I can't do it anymore. He wants her fine.....I hope she breaks his fucking heart into a million pieces the way he has mine.
Sorry if I'm rambling and don't make any sense, I don't make sense to myself right now I just needed to get some of this out.
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Thank you Mazzy!! You're
Thank you Mazzy!! You're exactly right. The bad part is I wasted 8 years on him.
I'm sorry your DH is an ass.
I'm sorry your DH is an ass.
Please don't look at this as 8 years wasted on him. I spent 4 years married to my ex. He was also an ass. However, I cannot regret the time I was with him because without those years, I would not have experienced the incredible personal growth I was forced through in my time with him.
Life is all about lessons learned. If you've learned something...anything from the 8 years you've been with your husband, you've come out ahead of where you were before.
You deserve a man who will love & cherish you & only you...a man who will not leave room for question or doubt, that you are the one his heart is with. I guarantee you, once you're gone he'll run to her & she'll brush him off because the thrill of the game won't be there for her or they'll hook up a few times & realize the grass isn't greener. By that time, you'll be feeling good about your new start & you'll be well on your way to the happiness you deserve with your lessons learned in tow.
Thank you Storm!! You're
Thank you Storm!! You're right I have learned alot these past 8 years. Biggest thing being if I ever find somebody else it will be someone with NO KIDS!!
I think you're spot on about him and her too. He's gonna get what's coming to him and I have a feeling its going to be a world of hurt.
Oh hun - I am soooo very
Oh hun - I am soooo very sorry to hear this!!! Your damn straight- you deserve better!!!! Im so very sorry you are going thru this. What an ass!!!!
I wonder what made him tell you? Wonder if perhaps she threatened to tell you or his immense guilt? Either way-- trust me- you deserve better!!!!
I think the other poster may have been absolutely right. My ExH cheated on me with the marketing chick at his former employer. I tried to stick it out for 2 yrs after their affair ( he lied, so I folliwed him one day & found out the truth). I never regained trust in him. I have however, seen a friend of mine repair her marriage aftet an affair- so I suppose it can be done.
The choice is ultimately yours in what you do next. In order for my exh to stay in the marriage & try to rebuild it, I had him quit that job & get away from her. It did help, for awhile. Then I heard some rumors of him & another chick, and that did us in.
Please take care of yourself right now. Do things that make You happy. He screwed up big time!!! HUGS. we are all here for you!!
Thank you Stepmom!! He told
Thank you Stepmom!! He told me because he feels guilty but, I also think he told me because they want to be together, she told her husband also.
That sounds horrible. THe one
That sounds horrible. THe one thing I know was when my ex slept with a co worker and we tried to make it work, it didnt because I always knew he was at work with her. It was easy for him to keep hiding it till like 4 months later after I thought it was over he accidentally left his phone in my car after I dropped him off for work and she was texting him when she knew he was at work. He called me halfway through the day when she came up and asked him why he wasnt responding and thats when he realized what happened.
It will be hard but I would move on honestly and do everything you can to keep yourself busy and completely eject him from your life. Personally I would always be wondering if he was thinking about her, wishes he was with her instead of me, etc... In the long run I would rather go through a few rough months to meet someone knew who I didnt have to worry about that with. That is a horrible way to live and you deserve better.
I've been wondering that for
I've been wondering that for months now. Does he really want to be with her? Are they more than friends? Guess I know now.
If you think you can get
If you think you can get through it and really want to work on it Id say go for it. Once I am hurt like that, it is really hard to get over. That level of betrayal really sticks with you. Not to mention the level of disrespect. And in all honesty, a break?! That is NO excuse. He is your HUSBAND. You dont just take a break to jump in bed with another women. That is such a coward excuse for his disgusting behavior. Time to buy a pretty red dress and flaunt yourself before leaving to show him what an idiot he is. Be a confident person and let him know he is the one who is losing. In all honesty, you never know what will happen with his mistress. She may end up going back to her husband and guess who he will come running back to?! Id say NOPE!!!! A lot of the time the relationships out of affairs dont work. Dont let him treat you like that!
{{{{Hugs}}}}
{{{{Hugs}}}}
Thank you SA!!! Apparently
Thank you SA!!! Apparently I'm at the bottom now, but you know what, he's gonna realize one day what he's done and it's not gonna be my problem anymore. What he doesn't think about is that if she'll do this with him she'll do it to him.
Personally, I would tell him
Personally, I would tell him to pack and leave.
If you own the house together when it comes time for divorce, possession matters.
And if you leave I can see your house becoming their new love nest. I see you getting mad, moving out, her husband getting pissed and throwing her out. And in a week she will be living in your house, using your curling iron and drinking your coffee.
Her husband has already
Her husband has already kicked her out she's staying with her mom. I thought about all that I don't want to stay in the house let them have it if that's what they want. I'm not attached to the house I just want my name off of it and to be able to move on with my life and I know if I can do that staying there. Let him deal with all the responsibility.
DO NOT GIVE HIM THE HOUSE!!!
DO NOT GIVE HIM THE HOUSE!!! Make him either buy out your half of the equity or sell it and split the profits. Why make this easy for him? You're still in shock mode, but need to move into 'we're done, but it's going to cost you!' mode fast! He's hoping you will just walk away. You have to think about your financial future. Why should she get what rightfully belongs to you? You're going to give her your husband AND YOUR MONEY? THINK GIRL!!! PLEASE!!!
If you think you've wasted 8
If you think you've wasted 8 years being married to him, think about how much more of yourself you'd be giving away by trying to make it work. It doesn't matter if he really loves her or not, he broke a sacred bond and trust between the two of you. Curious, but why did his first marriage end? Was it due to cheating too or did he give you a different reason? Men like this don't deserve our or your time and energy. You will wind up being ashamed of the way you are going to behave in trying to keep him. You are going to be disgusted that you went to such lengths and sacrificed so much of your self-esteem and value. If he wasn't even willing to give you any reasons or discuss it with you, then he was done with his marriage to you months ago. He's already moved past any emotional attachment to you. Now you are left to go through the hurt and pain by yourself. Let him go! Let him fall on his face all by himself and keep your dignity! Do not beg, plead, or even try to talk him into wanting you because it will only make him think you are pathetic and be even more repulsed by you. Sorry, but it's always the good women that get shit on because we give the man the power to do it. Stand up for yourself and GET OUT! Don't be suprised when he doesn't come after you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but saving yourself and your peace of mind is worth more than him and his wh---!
I am so very sorry for you.
I am so very sorry for you. I have to say that a relationship that starts in such situations, is never a good one. The fact is that the other woman will ALWAYS be worried that if he was married to you and cheated with her, that someday he'll do it to her...and you know what? Odds are that he will. Period.
Everything happens in our lives for a reason. We grow because of it. While it might hurt, please put a note on your fridge that will remind you to focus on you and YOUR well-being from now on...Focus on you and don't worry about them.
Thank you Ripley!! You are
Thank you Ripley!! You are so right, all of you guys have hit dead on this morning. I know it's going to be hard but I'm going to move on. If it's meant to be it will be, if not oh well. I'm not wasting my time anymore.
I want to thank all of you on this site, you guys are the most wonderful people. You don't know how much you all have helped me this morning.