I'm just so weary and tired of all this mess with the stbxh. Nothing really bad has happened except him hounding me about when I'm going to file divorce papers so I told him if he's in such an effing hurry to do it hisself. I'm just so tired of crying and hurting all the time. I'm so tired of getting a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I think about him. I'm tired of loosing my breath every time I look at my hand and don't see my wedding rings there. I just want all this to stop hurting. He's not worth it, he's treated me like crap and has his little whore gf. It's almost like our 9 years together doesn't even matter to him. He is just not worth all this pain anymore. I wish I was one of those people who could just turn off my feelings and not give a rat's ass about him anymore. I know it takes time and I have to grieve my marriage but I'm loosing what little bit of paitence I did have. Oh!! his little gf talked him into unfriending me on facebook, which I really don't care about. She's gonna figure out one day soon, stbxh has done this to me and bm so he'll do it to her too. I'm still sitting back waiting for the karma train to run his ass over. In the mean time, as much as it hurts, I'm looking out for me now. I did piss him off yesterday by telling him if he wants me to be the one to file for divorce I'm not doing it until he refinances the house in his name only.

Sorry if this rambles I'm just still trying to get my head on straight. Thank you to everyone on this site for your words of encourgement and strength. I don't think I could have made it this far without you guys.