Waiting for the skids to get here
So I am trying to figure out if I can deal with what FDH did in the past few weeks or if this wedding needs to be called off. I am trying to get homework done and the bm is supposed to be dropping off the skids soon. Of course they had a game of some sort so it is running into his 4 days a month he has them. That really bugs me but from now on I am just going to remind myself, NOT MY KIDS. If he cared that she was stepping into his tiny amount of time with them then he would do something. It s one thing if they were each interested in ONE sport and they got to do it. But no, they do EVERY sport all year long and if he doesnt take them on his time she bitches and complains. I think the main reason she does it, is because it is still a way she can have some control over his time with the kids. But whatever. I wont let in interfere with my time anymore. If it does, this mouth will not stay shut, especially after what he did (it too much to type, you would have to look at my blog). I have always taken care of the kids as if they were my own while still respecting the fact they are not mine. But I have discovered that I can not be the person I would like to be so I am stepping down. I have seen posts in here about disengagement, and I dont think I could do that because I honestly am attached to the kids and enjoy my time with them. But things are really going to change after FDH made it obvious that he thinks I'm his live in nanny. I have a TON of work to do this weekend for work and school and everytime they come to me, they are getting sent to him. I guarantee its going to be a crappy weekend for them because he yells too much, ignores them and is too busy with other things to spend time and play with them. I despise him for the fact I have to be like this because it really takes a lot of fun out of it for me too. But I am sick of being shoved aside by everything else that is more important in his life. Of course, he doesnt see it that way though. SHOCKER! My goal is to not even find myself going in their rooms this weekend. I always find myself cleaning up after them, doing their laundry... Its sad really the amount that I do compared to him, but I admit, its my own fault.
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It really pisses me off when
It really pisses me off when men are like this. My BF is the same way, he yells at his kids, ignores them and is too busy to spend time with them..period. As soon as he has them on his weekends, hes on the computer playing WoW, ignoring them. He's tried to get me to play with them..all..day..long..
and clean up after them, etc. I tried this the first few times and I wanted to shoot myself. Then I realized, he just wants to be a hands off dad and have me look after them, an unpaid nanny. Not happening. I disengaged..and have been disengaged since then. Its so much easier and better for me.
I don't think you should be cleaning up after them or doing their laundry. Thats not your job, its HIS!! You're just making his life way too easy so he can do whatever he wants while you're doing everything for his kids, but as you pointed out, its your fault.
Time to start disengaging and let him start taking care of his own kids.
I know that is probably what
I know that is probably what I need to do. I just wish it didnt have to be like that. I want to be a part of their lives. I dont expect to be their mom by any means, but they are in my home and its hard not to be involved. I enjoy doing things for other people but I can not do that without being taken advantage. It really does make me mad, especially when its mostly fdh's fault.... not bm's...
If the kids have a game
If the kids have a game during "his" time, why isn't he pulling himself away from his games or taking earned time off work to take them instead of BM. When you are a parent and your kid has a game, you take them and act interested. Lots of warning signs here...sorry.
I actually agree with him as
I actually agree with him as far as the games. Its not the kids who wants sports its bm. I went to a few games that fss9 was in. He was either drawing in dirt or daydreaming. I would be fine with it if they were really interested in going, but she just put them in EVERYTHING. The last time I took him to a game, he stood on the court not paying attention and when the basketball bounced towards him, he picked it up and ended up playing for the wrong team. When they are in so many different sports that the weekends he has them that he cant do much because they always have games, to me that is just too much.
Disc, I do agree with you
Disc, I do agree with you that there is such a thing as too much sports also.
I dont think it is fair to
I dont think it is fair to the kids and their families that are there because they are really interested in working hard for their team and they have team mates that sit out there and draw in the dirt. BM says she does it to give them something to do. FDH told her to do stuff with them instead of sticking them in every sport. I was laying in bed this morning and fsd6 climbed up and laid next to me and asked what we were doing. I told her I had stuff to do and her dad was taking her to her game in a bit. She said she didnt want to go and I asked her why and she told me "because I have more fun staying here and doing stuff with you and daddy." So I told her she did not have to go if she really did not want to. I am sure bm is going to be mad but I dont care. We all went to the park, then played outside and looked for bugs. She is really into bugs right now. I dont think a child her age needs to have obligations that are so serious that she can not decide on her own whether she wants to do it or not. The only reason she said she wanted to go was because her mom would be mad at her which I guess was not good enough to make her want to go anyway.