Stressed about mid week dinners.
So my daughter comes home from dinner with her birth father and my son says while they were eating dinner that she told my ex and his woman that I am mean and she would rather spend time with them. So I ask her if this is true and she tells me that feels like if she doesn't say bad things like that they won't like her or will punish her because she loves me. So I explained that it is ok to love both sides of the family and everyone is important.
The sad thing is that my ex & the new woman have told my husband that they think my daughter has mental problems, that she is full of lies. That she is rotten and has issues.
I just do not see this side. She explains that she is scared to be at their home. They live out in the middle of nowhere and they have zero people around. The nearest neighbor is like 1/4 mile away. I just feel bad because there is a lack of communication with the both of them. My ex even uses disparaging words about her. What should I do? HOw do I handle this. I get that it is difficult to be a step-parent but really.
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She just turned 7
She just turned 7
My daughter is 7 and my ex
My daughter is 7 and my ex moved out when she was 3 months old. He has been seeing this woman for 7 1/2 years. He was seeing her and another woman when we were married.
To do a quick recap: Your
To do a quick recap:
Your daughter tells your ex and SM one thing, doesn't really mean it. Feels like she hs to for their love.
Yet you think everything she tells you about them is true?
You don't think she is doing the same to you?
This! My SD lies all the time
This! My SD lies all the time about us to her mother. Tells her we won't let her call her. Tells her we're mean and do all sorts of terrible things. Tells her we don't feed her. All things her mother should know are lies, but believes hook, line and skinker. Her favorite line is "MY daughter doesn't lie to me", but hey if we say she says something negative about mom's house (which she does) then its "oh, you know how kids are."
It is just difficult because
It is just difficult because I want her to love all the parties that are involved. I wish I could get her to understand that it is not necessary to pick between Mom and the Step-parent. The funny thing is I almost feel like this woman wants me out of my daughters life. I get that we all live our life differently. I don't ask for extra money ever. I am always on time. My communication with my ex is only by e-mail.
The funny thing is there is so much I could bitch and complain about but I never do. I know that I can not change their home just like they can not change ours. I have explained to the children that everyone has different rules, and live differently that we should embrace the differences because this is what makes a special.
I just wish they would respect my role as I do there's.
The best thing you can do is
The best thing you can do is have a sit down with all of the parties involved. Let your daughter voice these allegations out loud. My x-h's kids used to do this and we nipped it right in the bud. So whoever is not telling the truth, be it your daughter, your x-h,or his wife, it will end because the guilty party will know that everyone is talking.
You know my DH has tried to
You know my DH has tried to have a discussion as well as I have with situations l like this and my ex throws my daughter under the bus and calls her mentally unstable because she complains. Then he usually uses the line of she is with you almost all the time so the issues lie on your end. Really.. my end....
This is a joke. You do not make a child pick. Yet you want her to pick. I wish I could fix this.
He says that to her face? If
He says that to her face? If so, you won't have to worry about her picking sides. She'll be able make up her own mind about what kind of person he is.
totallybogus has a great idea
totallybogus has a great idea there, I did this with my kids my ex, DH and my ex's So and it worked really well. (notice I say for "my" kids)
As a matter of fact my daughter brought this very meeting up the other day, she said it really did send a message that the girls could not play the adults against each other.