Failing!
My goal is to disengage...but it is so hard to let SO 'handle' disciplinig his kid!
SS16 left his bedroom a disaster, a carpet/wall damaging kind of disaster after his dad asked him to clean it. There were 5 things wrong in his room that he had already been in trouble for in the past months (some of those things this was the 3rd time he had done them) ok so not only did he choose NOT to listen to his dad and clean his room, he repeated 5 bad behaviors that were of the carpet/wall damaging type (I wish I were kidding)
What does SO do? Has a talk with him!!! NO PUNISHMENT of any kind! I am trying not to care, his kid, his problem...but I couldn't keep my mouth shut! I said to SO "well not punishing him is ok, as long as you told your son that by golly if he does this for a FOURTH time you will have another TALK with him!" dripping with sarcasm! I just don't understand if the f-ing talks worked he wouldn't keep repeating this f-ing behavior!!!!
If it had been one of my boys (13,14,17) they would of paid for a carpet shampooer and shampooed the carpets on Saturday. AND they would have cleaned the other common room carpets too!
I don't know why I am surprised! SS16 got caught smoking weed (for the 2nd time) and SO agreed to use ONE of my suggested punishments of cleaning the trash out of the entire alley (1/2 mile). This was weeks ago and no follow up on the punishment. Two of my sons (13,17) weren't cleaning their shared bathroom properly, two weeks in a row they skimped by on that duty. I cleaned the bathroom the right way and so as their punishment for not doing it themselves I made them clean the trash out of the alley (not the whole 1/2 mile lol). I guarantee that they will do their bathroom the right way from now on. I won't have to have repeated 'talks' with them about it.
It's a horrible cycle, SO is raising another POS kid, so he feels guilty about being a shitty parent so he doesn't punish him for bad behavior and so he is raising another POS kid!
It is hard to watch, but I am REALLY trying to disengage! I tried parenting SS but that wasn't a success, SO thought I was picking on him blah blah blah you all know how the story goes...
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Comments
The "talking" is infuriating,
The "talking" is infuriating, isn't it? I always tell my dh that talking without consequences is NAGGING. No one wants to be a nag.
lol I don't even think SO
lol I don't even think SO nags...I think he ends up babying SS and it ends up being daddy/son bonding time. I gets soooo frustrated grrrr. BUT on a positive note, I put a laundry basket outside of SS's room and so now I will never have another reason to even enter his room "disaster? what disaster?" lol
I will only say something now if the smells drifts into the hall! I am learning, but just not fast enough haha
My dh is actually pretty
My dh is actually pretty good, but he does way too much "explaining" and "ok, honey" crap. I keep telling him he needs to use his father voice and not his buddy voice. If he ends up "talking" to her more than 3-4 times about the same issue, I blow a gasket and then things change. One thing that my dh does that really pisses me off is when I tell her nt to do something in my very stern voice (usually related to something she does to my son), he swoops in and "explains" to her why it isn't ok. OR he tells her the behavior is ok if she blah, blah, blah. Um, all she hears is smdh yelled and daddy said it was ok. He thinks he's helping / supporting, but he is basically "apologizing" to her for having rules. I have to blast his ass about that at least once a month. Then he is good for 4 weeks, then he starts to slack, she starts to realze he is letting shit slide and starts being a menace again, and round and round we go.
The StepLand Merry-Go-Round, it entices you in with "free" tickets, but you can't ever get off and the cost to your emotional health is astronomical!
lol lucky you that your merry
lol lucky you that your merry go round is on a 4 week cycle. Mine is more like a 4 day cycle
This is why I don't bother
This is why I don't bother with telling SO anything about skids. If you break my house, you can deal with me. You don't want to deal with me, I'll wait to get you when daddy isn't around.
smdh- i hate those talks. They are stupid and pointless.
He's getting better because
He's getting better because when I complain about something and he uses the word "talk" in any capacity (Ie., I talked to her about it or I will talk to her about it), I get pissy and ask him point blank why he thinks she'll listen this time? What makes this time so special? She hasn't listened to you talk in the past SIX years about anything, but this time she will magically understand?
My dh is really good. He does discipline and he doesn't tolerate disrespect, etc. He just needs to be reminded that his kid is of the "give me a cookie and I'll expect the entire Keebler tree and a gallon of milk" mentality. I have to remind him that she is just like Lazy McCrazy and if he isn't firm and consistent, she takes his "talks" as "suggestions". He will step up after I remind him, its just exhausting having to "talk" to him about it all the time.I often just implement my own consequences on him to make my point about "talking"
I have gotten to the point
I have gotten to the point where I say, "Why did you expect anything different from her?" when he goes on about his 'talks' and how they didn't work.
I do the "give me an example
I do the "give me an example of ONE time, when one of your talks worked"...he always just sits there lol
Sorry to hijack Kenna. I
Sorry to hijack Kenna. I don't have any advice on this because I can't sit back and watch a kid destroy property (mine or anyone else's) without doing something about it.
I agree. If my ss14 wants to
I agree. If my ss14 wants to wreck his grades, his reputation at school-i dont really care. Whatever. But when he messes with stuff in MY house-he will hear it from me. And he will feel it from me in that I wont be doing crap for him if he cant do what he needs to do in order to respect my home.