WIFE????
I find it angering and infuriating that my SO refers to me as his wife...... when we are talking about important decisions in our lives. Here are the reasons I am ANNOYED and PIST OFF
1. He asked me to marry him in Feb of 2011.
2. WE set a date for August 2011
3. SD16 comes for the summer, I become the backburner. Wedding date comes and goes without one SINGLE word to me other then the words I had to say
4. I get no explanation that summer other then my daughter is an "ass" sorry.
5. After months of not knowing what the HELL is going on I call it off.
6. Realizing it doesn't mean anything to him because he can't even take the time to go pick out a ring at a jeweler where we have a CREDIT waiting for us.
7. Being heartbroken for months
8. Finally selling my dress, my shoes the dame $100 homemade flower I had made for my freaken hair.
9. Telling him I sold it and not getting a response at all. Nada, nothing except if I get married my daughter will never speak to me again.
There are more I know but I am just so clouded I can't think of em all. But that is the sum of it. So PLEASE don't FREAKEN refer to me as "your" wife when you feel like calling me that. I am NOT your wife. Because you have no BALLS!
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Do you live with him?
Do you live with him?
We sure do.
We sure do.
Well, then, there you have
Well, then, there you have it.
Why should he marry you?? What you have is working just fine for HIM.
NEVER make someone a priority when you are only an option...
WOW WOW WOW That's
WOW WOW WOW :jawdrop: That's insane!
Makes me think of a song by a band called Ludo - "Love Me Dead". Give it a listen. One of the lines - "Love me cancerously, like a salt sore soaked in the sea..."
Can you get out?
Sure do about 1200 worth of
Sure do about 1200 worth of credit.... I guess I felt if I went and used it then the next excuse would be we can't afford a ring. I know I know you don't even have to say it. Trust me I know.
Preemptive strike then...tell
Preemptive strike then...tell him outright that you got the jewelry so he would now have an excuse.
Why are you still together?
Why are you still together? I would have left after the daughter would never speak to him again comment.
If the reason he lost
If the reason he lost interest is that his daughter threatened to never speak to him, and he caved in to that threat, then believe me you do not want to marry this man - there is trouble ahead with him and the SD.
Why are you with this guy?
Why are you with this guy? I'd correct him quickly. Heck, DH WANTED and BEGGED me to marry him for years and we were not married. Anytime ANYONE, including him referred to me as his wife, I quickly corrected them. Not sure why you are with him if he won't marry you because of his daughter, much less why you don't correct him when others are around.
He has clearly shown you how
He has clearly shown you how important you are to him. Do you really want to spend your entire life that low on the totem pole of importance to your partner in life? I would seriously consider that. You will never be number one and your opinion will never count above his or his daughter's. It won't even be considered.
Go get yourself a fancy new piece of jewelry with your credit and move out.
He's shown you that marrying
He's shown you that marrying you isn't a priority. But by staying, you are showing him that he doesn't have to consider it a priority. I agree with others. Maybe it's time to move on to someone who will actually want to marry you.
Buterfly, Your pain is so
Buterfly,
Your pain is so intense - I feel it right down to my toes when I read - you are seeping with pain.
Buterfly, he treats you like a mistress. He likes to be seen with you when HE feels like it, he seems to be stringing you along with promises for things you want but he clearly doesn't (the marriage), when SS was in the hospital everyone was there. EVERYONE - even BMs SO right?. You were not included because you are not part of his whole life for some reason.
YOU are allowing this treatment of being a second class citizen to him. Why are you allowing this and all this pain to continue?
This sounds harsh but step back, you are like a faithful dog who waits at the door for the master even though the master didn't feed him the day before and threw him out in the rain the previous night - just hoping for a pat on the head.
Is this the example you want to put forth for your bio? Is this what you are teaching a healthy relationship is about? If this were your bio in this situation, what would you advise ?
This is why I come on here. I
This is why I come on here. I get strength through women who I don't even know. I am so trying to gather up this strength. Clearly as you all can see strength is not my best attribute.
Why am I here? I have been asking myself that a lot. I know some of the reasons. But it seems the other things in this "relationship" far out weigh any of the good that there is left. I say left because I am becoming more bitter and angry as each day passes. He is asking me what is wrong and I am flabbergasted that he has no freaken clue as to why I would ever be upset. But you are right I have given him the green light to treat me as if I don't matter as if I am tenth on the list. I was thinking this morning on how do I correct that? How do I try to correct it? WIthout just up and leaving. Do I attempt to correct this with him by trying to talk to him and just being spot on on how hurt I am and how sad I feel inside. Part of me knows what his answers will be. He fully believes that God provides and there is reason for every thing. He firmly believes with his whole heart that the situation we are in will work out with God's help. Mind you I believe in God and I believe in my prayers but I also believe in taking action. Im just unsure of what kind of action to take.
If I were to say something about the suppose to have been wedding and he felt guilty or what ever then I would feel he was guilted into getting married, which only results in a crappy outcome later down the road. I think my history regarding this issue is what is clouding me. I was married for 14 years to my high school sweetheart. When we divorced we went to counseling and he told the counselor he never wanted to marry me that he felt pressured by family. That hurt me deeper then anything I could ever imagine. He never wanted to marry me in the first place? So I guess that leads me to my fear of right now. So my SO asked me to marry him well over a year ago, it's been called off (by me) now I fear the worst if I bring it up I don't ever want to be with a man again like that unless he is 100% sure. As I type that I see that he must not be...... which is so hard to swallow. What have I done to change his mind? Does SD17 really have this much control? And I know the answer is YES OMGOSH it is so YES. But that is hard to swallow too. He says she isn't getting her way but really she is. I mean clearly she is. And I have stated that. Driving in the car a few weeks ago he was so proud of himself for something with her. And I was like are you kidding? She controls EVERYTHING. He got defensive no she doesn't. I said UM we ARENT married are we? No answer. So yes she controls him.
I know you are all right. It's a matter of me gathering my strength to deal with another broken relationship. Deal with trying to explain to my kids why he isn't with us anymore. Trying to move forward. I guess the pain of that can't be much worse then what this is.
Go back and read your blogs,
Go back and read your blogs, what would you tell that person? What advice would you give her? Draw your strength pull it in and hold it tight.
See my sig for my best advice
Read Daisy0202's blogs. This
Read Daisy0202's blogs. This will be your future. Get Out Now.
I am so sorry to read this.
I am so sorry to read this. My verbally abusive ex (also 14 years) had the nerve to tell me I twisted his arm to get married. So I know how you feel. I had issues all my life with insecurity due to my cold and critical parents. After my divorce, I went through a personal renaissance and determined that yes, I did want to have a real partner and I wasn't going to settle for less. Going through some inner healing and realizing that I was indeed worthy (as you are) made the difference. I also got very very clear about what kind of relationship I wanted and pictured it.
DH came along and he pursued me! Fell in love with me! Never did I doubt one minute that he wanted me! He would kneel and beg me to marry him. My point--you deserve this too! Your SO is a selfish, p-whipped jerk. He has basically told you that his daughter comes first. You don't want a man like that, you need someone who will put you first.
You say the bad is outweighing the good--in a real relationship there is a solid core of friendship, respect and love. It's not a pro and con worksheet. Live separately from him and take your time deciding if you even want him anymore. As long as you live together, it's too hard to be clear about things and he's happy--he has you and his little princess isn't too unhappy. Life is too short for crap like this.