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Tired of "SuperMOM"

Stepmom156's picture

Submitted by Stepmom156 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 11:04am

My step-daughter lives with my husband and me, her mother gets her only when it's convenient for her. It frustrates me when I see this awesome kid in tears wanting to know why mommy doesn't want her and if mommy loves her. I get so tired of defending the woman. She goes through phases where she will get my step-daughter consistently and then she acts like I'm the worst person on the face of the earth. I want to look at her and say, you walked out on him. You decided to cheat on him. You left your daughter! I didn't come around until 4 years later! I've tried to be nice, I take up for you when your daughter is mad at you and I make sure your daughter has everything she needs. My husband works 2nd shift, so my step-daughter and I have a lot of time together, especially during the school year.
When is it time for her mother to grow up and take responsibility? She's in her 30's, she can't keep a job, she can't keep a home, she moves in with every man that shows he's interested and says he will take care of her, she doesn't have to pay child support and she lies to her kids. There was a great movie called Parenthood back in the 80's. I agree with the script when it says they'll let any (moron) be a parent.

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Stepmom156's picture

Submitted by Stepmom156 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 11:18am

IDK. I guess I don't want her to be upset if she doesn't have to be. She has a half sister and we recently got together with the dad and step mom there so that the girls can se each other. Even in the first get together the girls started realizing some of what was going on and that their mother had lied to both of them.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 11:29am

Sometimes we have to be honest but in a non-aggresive manner. I know there is this ideal where as mothers/stepmothers protect their kids etc from every bad/horrible/hurtful thing that could happen. But it is those 'things' that can make us grow and be empathetic/sympathetic to others.

If she has worked out that her mother lies to both her daughters then things are pretty much set in place. She will work out what her mother can add to her life and she will keep her at armslength for the other areas.

Please, do not measure yourself next to this woman and please, don't take any credence in her judgement of you. Who cares what she thinks and nothing you do or say will make her change her mind. Be a good mother figure for your stepdaughter and try not to let That Woman into your world any more than neccessary.

Doubletakex3's picture

Submitted by Doubletakex3 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 12:02pm

I'm in a similar situation. I don't make excuses for BM. I try to reassure the skids by saying things like "her loss" and "you're a great person, don't ever think her selfishness is your fault." We even let the older kids reach the last court order that a specificly called out BM and said she neededd to step up as a mom.

I feel ya...it gets very draining batting clean-up EVERY day.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Submitted by RainbowsAndDaisies on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 1:34pm

ss7 bm is just like that. I never speak poorly of her but neither do i defend her. last time i checked, as long as the truth is age appropriate and not used to cause harm or pain, it is morally neutral ground and always appropriate.

Ex4life's picture

Submitted by Ex4life on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 2:45pm

I used to cover for my ex whenever he would screw up because I wanted to "make t all better" for my daughters. My attorney explained to me tht I wasn't doing my children any favors by covering for him. The kids will eventually learn what type of person their dad really is and they will still be hhurt. Chances are they will be upset at me too because I wasn't honest with them in the beginning.

This doesn't mean that I bad mouth him or try to make it any worse thenit really is. I just don't make excuses for his bad behavior any more. Yes, its hard to watch my girls get hurt, but in the end they will be hurt less.

Stepmom156's picture

Submitted by Stepmom156 on Sun, 04/15/2012 - 3:38pm

SD11 says that she just wishes her bm would realize that her and her sister are the most important and not the next guy that flirts with her. I have it pretty good, I've been reading a lot of sm and sd posts about how awful the ss or sd is, but mine isn't. sd11 is an awesome kid! We didn't always get along but I think once she realized her bm was constantly disappearing she learned that her dad and I never left and were always consistent. When my husband and I met, he was a door mat for bm and a disney dad for sd. In just 3.5 years we have come a long way. We are firm in our rules, fair in our discipline but most of all we are consistent. We have only moved once and that was when we had to switch states for my husbands job whereas her bm has moved in with every bf she has dated since i met them. SD11 told my husband the other day on her way to her bm's for the weekend, that she misses her bm, but she doesn't want to ever live with her again because she knows where we are is home.