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Growing Family?

Stepmom156's picture

Submitted by Stepmom156 on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 10:57pm

I have a SD11. have no bio kids but my DH and I are considering adoption. Has anyone else ever considered this? We are concerned that we have to adopt a girl out of concern that a boy may not think of SD11 like a sister. Any thoughts on this?

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youbetheparent's picture

Submitted by youbetheparent on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 12:26am

I have a SD 11 too, and we are expanding! My first BD is due the end of May. I think the gender thing would depend more on age. I know my SD has hormones raging. I caught her hanging out with a 10th grader at the public rec center and had to explain why that was not at all appropriate for him or her to be doing (she is in 5th grade).

If you are going younger (and my younger, I mean like 6 and below) then I don't think it would really make a difference in the gender.

youbetheparent's picture

Submitted by youbetheparent on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 1:41am

I think the OP was more concerned with an... inappropriate... relationship developing between a male and female of similar (hormonal) age that were not raised as siblings or have any blood relationship, than a jealousy thing.

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 7:22am

I adopted a baby boy. He is just over a year. SD is 8. I'm not worried about it. I think if you raise kid appropriately, they will behave appropriately. And FYI, you usually can't choose gender when you adopt an infant.

Stepmom156's picture

Submitted by Stepmom156 on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 10:47pm

We are talking about adopting through the Foster Care Program which means the child would be older. We were originally thinking about a 7 year old son but our concerns were of him growing up not thinking of her as a sister. She is a sweet kid and is already excited about us adopting. She doesn't care if she gets a brother or a sister and she's not a negative in my life but a very big positive. I love my sd very much and feel sorry for her because her bm is so crappy. I want to have children of my own but it isn't possible. So we came up with this adoption idea and there are so many children in foster care waiting to be adopted, but they are older and I just want my sweet innocent (non hormonal yet thank you GOD!) sd11 to be safe and continue to feel safe in our home.

LilyBelle's picture

Submitted by LilyBelle on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 11:12pm

I would try to adopt a child significantly younger than SD- by at least 4 years so that it's not likely they would be in school together.

And adopting a girl might be a thought so you don't have to worry about inappropriate sexual issues, but adopting a girl of any age significantly increases the chance of her feeling threatened/ sibling rivalry.

If you adopt a boy, he won't be replacing her "princess" role.... many times there is less sibling rivalry among opposite sex siblings, because of gender differences.

Stepmom156's picture

Submitted by Stepmom156 on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 11:18pm

So, how young of a boy should we look at? I feel weird about this as is just because the whole process seems like shopping for a car instead of adding a member to your family. They even have "photolistings" online with bios. IDK. Feeling stressed.

LilyBelle's picture

Submitted by LilyBelle on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 11:39pm

I would look at 4-5 years younger.... so maybe 6.... old enough to be verbal, and play board games.... but enough of a gap for them not to be in school together.... one less source of competition.....

And a boy that much younger might "crush" on older sister or friends, but by the time he's hitting puberty, older sis will be ready to go to college....

It's a bigger age gap than most kids would even consider.