I did this kind of crap when I was a teenager and the best (well what I thought was the worst) punishments that my mom gave me were the ones that limited my socializing. So I was not allowed to go to any school dances (I actually missed homecoming one year) no school games, and definately no going to friends houses etc. Of course in this day and age, I would also drastically limit cell phone use as well.

I guess my mom knew that I was a social butterfly so rather than punish me with room banishment, cleaining, limited TV or things like that, she just cut me off at the knees where it hurt the most and it definately worked. I would alway shape up after a month or two of these restrictions.

I have a 14 year old daughter... so after my initial shock/disappointment/ANGER this is probably what I'd do:

1) Long talk (for what it's worth, but at least I said what needed to be said)
2) Outlining loss of ALL privileges, listing out each one
3) She wouldn't be alone for a minute for a long time (you can determine the length of time) - if I have to go to the grocery store, so will she. Preferrably at 7am. If I have to take her brother to practice, she goes too. After all, can't trust her alone because of past behaviors.

My daughter has moderate freedom, i.e., she doesn't have to go with me when I run errands and such, she can stay home. She hasn't done anything to break my trust in her (to this point) so there are times I'll be gone for a couple hours at a time. But if something like this happened? Nope.

Oh, and if she was "sneaking" while others were in the house (like after you were asleep) -- I'd purchase a door alarm.

grounded for atleast 3 mo. no phone, computer, no fun, honestly if i didnt have to work i would go to school with her too. and embarass the crap out of her. i think the worst punishment i ever recieved was being transfered out of a school i loved to a small christian private school with maybe 7 kids in my grade, and that was just for a low grade in math. i would hate to think of what my parents would have done to me if i did what yours did

Grounded from the phone and computer, and on lockdown. I would get a great security system for the house if you don't have one already. CCTV surveillance cameras outside the entry points, monitorable from your bedroom.

I'd take it quite seriously and I would revoke my trust in her for a good long while...until she EARNED it back. And I wouldn't leave her unsupervised for ONE minute.

OK, after I stopped laughing... Not AT you, don't get me wrong. When SD was about this age, she snuck out of a friend's house at a sleepover with several other girls and ended up spending most of the night at some boy's house who was also having a sleepover. They then snuck back into her friend's house in the early morning hours. DH didn't find out until several days later, when said friend told her parents what they'd done.

I'll give you three guesses as to what DH's "punishment" was:

Yep, you guessed it, nothing. I was dumbfounded. He actually claimed he couldn't punish her because he didn't find out WHEN it happened. Um, she's not a dog. You can equate the punishment to the crime, even if it did happen several days ago.

In my case, I also would make BD go everywhere with me. After all, she can't be trusted when she is out of my sight. I did that with SD a couple of times and she hated it. Take away social access for a while (I'd vote for a month).

first i have to admit that i did this myself at that age. because of that, i put bd17 on birth control at 14, even though she was a virgin. i told her i knew she wasn't gonna come asking for permission to have sex when that time came, so i'm putting her on it now to make sure she's covered. i told her it was not me saying it was ok or that i was endorsing it. i told her it's NOT ok and she needs to wait until she's an adult. but we all know kids will do what they do.

as far as punishment, i hated being grounded and stuck at home all the time. but i think the more important thing is that she get put on birth control. sd19 recently hinted thru text that she is pregnant because she's too much of a chicken shit to come right out with to anyone's face. she wouldn't even tell fdh, wanted me to do it. she will be 20 when the baby is born, but she is no more ready for this than a 14 year old. it's gonna be a disaster. the worst part is that she did this on purpose. :O

All privileges taken away for at least three months. No social life at all. No staying home alone. That child is with me everywhere I go. Can't be trusted to be left alone....Also, take the door off of their room.

My parents did that to my sister and I and let me tell you that worked wonders for our fighting...No privacy at all. So embarassing.

Is this an isolated incident? Or has she been doing stuff that was working up to this? Or has this been happening and you guys just never caught her?

Regardless, the where of the alcohol would be first for me. Then electronic devices are taken away. You have to hit them where it hurts the most.
Phones, computer, tv. Ipod.
take it all!

The whole social thing is perpetuated by phone and computer. If she doesn't have it then she can't participate. Of course, if the dh refuses to do anything it's a mute point.

And don't do like my bf and just take it away for an hour. Then give it back.