Bellybutton Peircing for teenagers?
So I am looking for opinions on if you would let your teenage daughter get a bellybutton peircing? and what is your rationale is behind that opinion? And what do you think the driving need is for a teenager to want it?
SD16 is asking DH if he would allow it. He is delaying the answer. I 'think' because he wants to just say yes but knows that it might be looked on as bad parenting. So we have been discussing it a bit.
I don't have a problem with the peircing in general, I've had one myself in the past, but as an adult. I don't necessarily have a problem with a teenager having one either. I do have issues with teenagers showing too much skin and that would just promote that. I can't see who would see it to drive the need to want one? If the answer to that is on the sexual side then that backs up my opinion that it's not needed as a teenager.
I guess I don't think it's good parenting but I can't necessarily express why I feel that way.
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A piercing won't cause her to
A piercing won't cause her to have or not have sex. Summer is coming up, think bathing suits, etc... My parents wouldn't take me to get one when I was 16, so I did it myself with a damn safety pin in my bathroom. If she really wants one, make her do something (grades, chores, whatever) to make her earn it, and get it done.
I agree that it's not going
I agree that it's not going to cause any kid to have sex but as a parent I try to steer my kids away from become too focused on sexuality before they are ready to deal with it.
Your point on the swim season is very well taken. I can certainly see how that becomes more a fashion statement more than anything else.
Mixed feelings (as always, I
Mixed feelings (as always, I should change my user name to that)
The belly piercing, not really a big deal. It isn't permanent, it can be cute with a bikini (face it, no guy is looking at her belly button anyway) it's kind of a fun silly thing for a girl to have.
The mixed feelings part... I guess I worry if it's a slippery slope. I would never sign for a teen to get a tattoo, they want to go make permanent decisions when they are 18 be my guest, I'm not helping make that decision. I don't think I would let my child pierce up their face, I wouldn't want to take them anywhere, so why is one ok and not the other?
I guess for me it would just depend on the kid and if they were a limit pusher or just wanted something to be trendy and cute/fun.
Thanks ! that's kind of how
Thanks ! that's kind of how I feel also. And maybe you are right, it's not permanent, it is mostly covered when it should be covered and it's likely more about being trendy/cute/fun.
Belly button ring is meant to
Belly button ring is meant to be sexy, but doesn't mean they are going to go have sex. If BM in picture, it really is her decision.
I don't care for them and made my daughter wait until she was 18 to decide, she then decided not to. It is her business now at 21 if she does or doesn't.
SD17 got one last year and keeps trying to get her dad to admire it (she is the freak who sends pouty selfles to him). When SD17 asks him for a new one, I told him leave it up to BM to get her her "sexy" belly button rings. By the way, it really isn't that sexy among all the rolls of belly fat.
Doesn't she live with BM? If
Doesn't she live with BM? If she does, then how can he stop it if she wants it and BM says, "Okay." That is what happened with us. If she doesn't live with BM, then great, it's DH's decision unless she gets a friend to run a needle through it.
I never discounted
I never discounted "authority". As I posted, my OH told skid, "no." My point is something a court negotiator/lawyer told us once, "You will never have the final say." Just keeping it real.
I agree. Usually the primary
I agree. Usually the primary custodial parent makes day to day decisions
Think the point is that if
Think the point is that if skid lives with BM majority of time and BM approves it, regardless of whether she "should" consult with DH or not .. no judge is going to force SD to remove it because DH didn't agree.
Right or wrong .. it's just the reality.
"If mom and dad are both in
"If mom and dad are both in the life, they should both have to approve of it."
in a perfect world. key word being "should".
but it doesnt happen that way in many stepfamilies. not sure how OP's custody order is written, but 'day to day' would theoretically include everything that's not a major medical, religous, or educational issue. i think that's why a judge wouldnt do anything on it.
even in my dh's order tho', the custodial parent can override the NCP's preference if they cannot come to a mutually agreeable solution.
My DD wanted one at 16 also.
My DD wanted one at 16 also. I would not allow it. She is VERY grateful now that I did not let her do it.
She thought I was a terrible mother at the time though.
Once they turn 18, then fine and dandy. But not as a minor.
Belly button ring is meant to
Belly button ring is meant to be sexy
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Exactly! That is why I would not let my kid do it.
^Agreed. I wouldn't like the
^Agreed.
I wouldn't like the idea of men looking at my young daughter as 'sexy'. Eeeww.
And, they would want to show it off, otherwise, why do it? Even in bathing suit season, it will just draw attention. A lot of men are attracted to the midriff area, and who has nice flat tummies?...young girls.
I'll never forget one time when I was about 13, a friend came along with me and my family to the beach and she wore a tiny polka dot bikini. The one day we were on the beach and an older guy came up to her and asked if she wanted to go into the water with him. :O So gross.
For sure, but I can't help
For sure, but I can't help but believe that these girls are going to want to show them off and may draw even more negative attention to themselves. They may be perceived by others in a more sexual way.
Like coming across as 'easy' even though they aren't. I think it would be different if they were older and better able to handle themselves if put in a bad situation.
Was she also the one who
Was she also the one who bought them the playboy bunny bell rings or was that someone else? Either way, classy stuff.
That's up there with taking a
That's up there with taking a 16 year old son and friends to "Hooters" for their birthdays.
*belly ring not bell haha
*belly ring not bell
haha hooters for a 16 year old? I missed that one. Classy stuff right there. I don't understand parents who enable this, as if their raging hormones aren't enough, it's not like teenagers need reminders to think about sex.
some of these skids need a
some of these skids need a cow bell instead of a belly button ring.
Why didn't DH say, "No"?
Why didn't DH say, "No"?
precisely.
precisely.
I am conservative by nature:
I am conservative by nature: no tattoos, one set of piercings in my ears, natural make-up, not a perfume wearer, no "fake" anything on my body. And I let my, DDthen16 get a bb ring. She was a good kid, good grades, not a drama queen or attention-whore. No regrets!
ETA: My DDs BF and I made the decision together. He's a big tatt guy so a piercing is nothing to him anyway. I'm the one they were worried wouldn't approve. Lol. Both parents have equal say IMHO. If one says no, the answer is no. Wait til you're 18.
^^ hahah!! On a similar note,
Lady in the streets freak in
Lady in the streets freak in the sheets... love it!
I agree, I think it's much more special for DH too, when you are a goody goody and perceived as classy, conservative and he knows that you are secretly very naughty }:) }:) }:)
Nope I wouldn't do it I just
Nope I wouldn't do it I just don't think it looks good on teenagers. BM took both of the older SD's to get it done at 14 against SO's wishes. Now SD15 is angling to get hers done. SO said HELL NO and I am just waiting for her BM to take her to get it done. But now that BM would have to pay for it its a guarantee that SD won't get it LOL
No. Not as a minor at any
No.
Not as a minor at any rate.
My reasoning comes from a couple of bad experiences I have witnessed with ladies who got them (which I will not relate here).
Suffice to say, if ANY of you would allow your daughter or Step-daughter to get them, please, please, PLEASE make sure they practice proper hygiene in that area. Belly button piercings can get infected. Even moreso if they have a tendency to fiddle with it with their dirty fingers.
I am of the slippery slope
I am of the slippery slope argument. BM got SD's ears pierced when she was an infant. Somehow convinced DH that SD wouldn't feel any pain? (Of course she did.) Anyway, SD soon wanted more. BM let her get her ears pierced again, let her get her belly button pierced at 15, let her get a third set of ear piercings, let her pierce her nose. She now has maybe eight or so piercings and at least as many tattoos, several of the tattoos gotten while she was underage and at least one we know of done by some moron at a party.
I'm all for adults making the educated/informed decision to get a tattoo or piercing. But kids just do NOT look at this long term. A guy I work with ALWAYS wears long sleeves because he had tattoos and doesn't want to be judged about them in the workplace. His choice, but I don't think he was considering all that when he got the tattoos. Kids are more impulse and have fewer reasoning skills, sometimes it is our job to "save them from themselves."
I also agree a bellybutton ring is meant to be sexy. I don't know about you, but except when I'm swimming, nobody sees my bellybutton (except my husband).
I had mine done at 14. My mom
I had mine done at 14. My mom took me and she got the tiniest tattoo in the world at the same time.
I don't see much wrong with it. But I have a ton of tattoos as well, and have had numerous piercings over the years. All my tattoos are cover-able, as I have a very respectable job in the nonprofit and political world (most people dont even know I have them). I do think that 14 may have been a tad too young, but my parents were how would you say, lenient.
Would I let me daughter at 16? Yeah, if she showed that she was responsible and had earned it. Reason behind it? It may be able looking "sexy" but most likely it is because they can be cute and her friends are getting them. It may lead to more piercings or even tattoos at some point, but that would be her choice after age 18. The benefit to her parents taking her is that you can teach her the proper type of place to go. As one user said, she may do it herself, or go to a super nasty place. It is super important to learn about licensed parlors and quality artists/piercers. Infections can be horrible. You can also take the time to teach her about the permanence of things. Yes you can take out a piercing, but the scar will be there forever.
For some reason this whole
For some reason this whole subject really has me fuming!!!
OMG, how f'ing hard is it to JUST SAY NO!!!!! I'm not just talking about belly rings either. Why do these kids have to get everything they want???
Instant gratification is not a good thing. If the little spoiled princess needs to have her belly button pierced, or whatever she/he wants, MAKE THEM WAIT until they are old enough to buy, do, accept consequences, blah blah for it themselves!
FFS, there are so many more important things to focus on. For instance, better parenting skills. OMG the horror!
Sorry, rant over.
Also, I would ask my daughter
Also, I would ask my daughter WHY? Give me three good reasons that you want to have this done. What is the point of it? Maybe the response would help with the decision on whether or not to allow it.
Great suggestion ! I will
Great suggestion ! I will pass that along to DH. Even if nothing more than to get conversation started bewteen them.
Good. For instance, if she
Good.
For instance, if she says:
All my friends have them - - not a good reason
It makes me look sexy - - NOT a good reason (although I'm sure she won't admit this)
My boyfriend likes them - not a good reason
etc.....
Your reaction I think is what
Your reaction I think is what is lurking in my mind. This is just another instance of SD totally focused on her, her, her. She instantly wants whatever she wants. There is never any expectation that she might have to wait for ANYTHING.
I have no problem telling my kids NO, infact they know that and probably wouldn't dare ask. But this is not my kid !
If the kid is otherwise well
If the kid is otherwise well behaved and responsible, what's the big deal? Should a parent say "no" for the simple fact that they can?
I believe that yes, they
I believe that yes, they should say 'no' because they can. Especially when an under-age girl wants to do something perceived as sexy, by most, to their body.
But that's because you
But that's because you disagree with the piercing in general, which OP doesn't. Doesn't sound like dad is either, he's mostly concerned with what other people with think of his parenting skills.
If your 11 year old has done all their homework, chores, helped walk the dog, and asked to go to the park for 30 minutes before dinner, would you say no "just because you can"?
Absolutely, if it's in the
Absolutely, if it's in the best interest of the child.
Cool. There's no reason that
Cool. There's no reason that kids get a lot of things, but hey, it happens.
Lol, no doubt.
Lol, no doubt.
I am so tired of parents that
I am so tired of parents that can't say no. Not just no, Hell no! She is 16, man up and tell the kid you have to wait until you are legal and even then please wait until your 20's when you have a better idea of self. I see this as mutilation and self esteem issues. She wants to be cool.
What we want in our teen years is very different than what we want in our late 20's. This is absolutely disgusting that he would consider because it is easier than saying no.
BM allowed all of this stuff and my SD is tagged as a slut. She is 18 one week and BM let her do all of this. She can say no or I will not give you a car or a phone or pay for college. No it is easier to just let her pierce her nose and belly button.
My kid was raised strict and so is SS15 now that we have them and they are absolutely embarrassed of her.
I had one when I was 16. I
I had one when I was 16. I don't think it's a big deal. I was sexually active with a long term boyfriend the following year (who I continued to date into my 20's). I'm also covered in tattoos today.
But I'm also highly educated, professionally licensed, and a pretty successful person.
I don't think any of it had anything to do with that first piercing ..
I would allow my kids to do it. as long they are responsible enough to keep it clean, pay for it, etc.
You were responsible, a lot
You were responsible, a lot of kids this age are not.
Do we know OP's skid is not
Do we know OP's skid is not responsible? Maybe I'm missing it in the comments, but I don't see anything in the OP that indicates this.
I have no idea, but
I have no idea, but responsible or not, I, personally, would not let an underage girl get a belly piercing.
My SD6 has just had her first
My SD6 has just had her first ear piercing. I feel it is too young. She can't look after them herself and is reliant on mom and dad to do it for her. At 16 obviously your SD is very capable of keeping her piercing clean. I object to SD6 getting her ears pierced but beyond that I feel that it should have been used as a motivator to do something or she should have had to wait. ie when she could read a book all on her own then she could have gotten them pierced, or when she stopped using her binky at night, or she should have had to wait until her next birthday/christmas. Just something to teach the lesson about working towards or waiting for a goal over the longer term. Too much is instant gratification these days, she rarely has to wait for something.
Now with a 16 year old I would be tempted to do the same thing, if you get xyz grades or if you do the chores for x months without complaining or on your 18th birthday if you still want it you can get it done and I will happily pay for it etc.
Of course you may feel that your SD doesn't really need this type of lesson in which case I would explain as others have said risks of scaring, keeping it clean and risks of it getting ripped out (maybe look at some pictures online of bellybutton piercings gone wrong) and tell her that you are happy to take her to a licensed place to get it done but she must understand and accept the risks of what could go wrong.
Sorry - but it is highly
Sorry - but it is highly inappropriate at that age. Shame on him for considering it. Don't be surprised when she is tagged a slut and starts dressing that way to promote. SD18 did it last week and did her nose and got a tattoo. DH is done and she was not allowed before that here, but now, not a single family pic will she ever be in. Sorry but this is a slippery slope.
Slippery slope for some. Not
Slippery slope for some. Not all.
The area that I grew up and still live in doesn't have this general stigma around piercings or tattoos. Maybe it's just my part of the country.
Plenty of teenagers get these types of things and go on to be completely respectable, responsible adults.
You're right, they do. It
You're right, they do.
It doesn't say what kind of person they are. The problem could be how others perceive them to be.