Bruises
I have an almost 5 year old SS. He is a wonderful kid, full of love and energy. My question is, how many bruises are too many? I know that all kids get bruises. I don't think I have ever gotten one by being pushed. His BM is a pathological liar, and is teaching him to lie. In January, I called CPS because of the bruise on his arm. It was a perfect "grab" mark. Finger print sized bruises on his right forearm. In my book, it doesn't matter how badly the child is acting up, there is NO REASON AT ALL to grab a child that hard. When my DH and I asked how he got them, he said his little brother pushed him. We knew that wasn't true. Whenever one of her kids has an injury, she tells us the other one did it. Another example of this, my ss little brother at about 18 months old, had a broken leg. She told us that my ss pushed his brother off the front porch. Since my ss is able to talk, he told us his brother fell off a table from inside the house. A few weeks later, we pick up my ss and he has staples in his head. BM tells us that his little brother threw a toy train at his head. My ss said, "Tim pushed me." Tim is his step father. Turns out, Tim picked him up and threw him down on his bed in a horrible effort to discipline him, where there were metal matchbox cars. He cracked his head on them. I called CPS after this too. Little has been done tho. One day, I was so frustrated with picking up my SS and him smelling aweful, that I had my DH drive to a police station. The police did nothing. They said to call CPS and that CPS would probably not do a lot because it is one parent calling on another. Apparently CPS thinks I will just call in order to cause problems.
Anyway, we pick up SS today. While he was in the bath, DH notices a new bruise on the outside of his thigh. He says a kid at school pushed him while they were going for a ball at recess. I still don't know if one can get a bruise from being pushed. I asked SS if he bumped into anything when he was pushed, he said no.
I am at a loss. CPS won't do anything, and we don't have the funds to be able to go for custody. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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Do you have a way to start
Do you have a way to start documenting everything? It can be a pain, but if this is such a re-occuring thing - especially with the bruises and so many of them - I would start writing it down, taking pictures, do something. If you ever get the chance to go for custody or start noticing some major trends, that you can prove to CPS, then you have a paper trail. You might even call the school and see if anyone of the teachers saw this activity to confirm it.
I agree that the school is a
I agree that the school is a good start. I also so agree that you need to take pictures and document everything date, time what Bm said and what ss said. You also may start taking ss to the doctor and explain to the doctor that you think something may be happening. Finger tip bruising and the staples in ss head are serious reason to be concern. At 8 months old my ss was very abused broke leg and arm. Bruises on his sides that the doctor at the hospital documented as being fingertip bruising that were thought to be a week or more old. and other week old bruising. Not including the egg size contusion on his chin and left ear. The Doctor found a quarter in his stomach that the doctor believed was pressed down ss throat the marks were on ss tongue. Cps got called and Bm lost custody and has had sv every since. You can never be to protective.
Thanks for all the tips. I
Thanks for all the tips. I know we have the doctor's number somewhere. I will see if they will talk to me. My DH had to get his lawyer to supena for the medical records. That is where I noticed how much of a liar BM is. She told my DH that the reason he couldn't have visitation the entire first year SS was alive, was because she was breast feeding. Medical records state formula fed. BM said he had allergy to cats, nothing in the records. He will run up to cats and bury his face in their fur. The list goes on and on. The best thing is that BM said SS was allergic to generic clothing. As in, don't put him in clothes from Walmart because he is allergic to walmart clothes. She is crazy. I have been photographing the burises. I told DH not to delete a single text message from BM, we can use those if we need to. I just wish there was an easier way to get them off the phone, aside from forwarding them to an email. Every time I have called CPS, I have them send me confirmation of the report in the mail, that way I have proof that I did what I could.
Allergic to generic clothing?
Allergic to generic clothing? Beahahahaha. I had thought Id heard it all, wow, thats a new one!!!!!'
Plz plz plz document everything including pics at each occurance. Build your case up. Sounds like something serious might be going on here, plz dont wait till its too late.
My DH and I document all
My DH and I document all bruises my SS13 gets from our house & from psycho bm’s house, just to cover ourselves.
Psycho BM has him eow, this is her weekend…so this is what happened at the beginning of this week…SS was playing with our dog, who is still 10 months old, SS managed to get his whole arm bruised up when playing with her. The bruises didn’t show up until the next morning. He went to school, his teacher asked him about it & he told her that he was playing with the dog, then he was sent to the nurse and he told her the same thing, then the nurse called DH and he told her the same thing. We took pics & documented for our own file. SS has been to 2-3 therapies this week - we had them document it. Then psycho bm picked ss up yesterday & dh told her what happened & it has been documented. SS does bruise easily, but we need to document it in case the psycho bm tries to lie about what really happened. When SS comes back from her weekend and we see bruises on his arms/legs we take pics & document it - where he was, the date, what happened, who was he with, etc...
Some kids tend to bruise more easily than others, just document whatever u r seeing so u have a record of it in case u need it in the future.
I have been taking pictures
I have been taking pictures of the serious ones. I feel awkward saying "SS, let me take a picture of your bruise." We try to sneak the pics. It is easier when the bruise is on an arm or he has a black eye. his newest bruise is on his thigh. It is covered by his boxer shorts, so it is very difficult to take a picture. My concern is that he will go home to BM and tell her that I took pictures of all his bruises. More troubles will come up if she does. I know SS may get the occasional bruise when he is with DH and I. I know that at 4 and 5, this is enevitable. DH and I don't have a washer and dryer in our current apartment, so we go to my cousins to do laundry. My cousin has a corgi mix with toy control issues, and my SS, despite constant reminders that the dog won't wait for him to throw the toy, still will zone out and the next thing you know, there is a scratch from the dog on him. I will start documenting everything now. Thanks for the advice. I never even considered that.
I am still concerned about BM flipping out if SS tells her that I am taking pcitures of his bruises. I need to find a way to make it fun for him, like a game, so he won't tell his BM. He has a habit of forgetting the fun things we do. SS tends to throw a huge tantrum when DH & I pick him up. SS says he doesn't want to go with DH because DH puts him in time outs. I can't remember the last time we put SS in a time out. He knows that we have different rules than BM, and he doesn't challenge them.