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It just takes a little bit to create hope

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:09pm

DH and I had a conversation yesterday about the way SD acts around me and BM's new bf. Actually more of DH talking and me listening (I no longer dare voice an opinion). DH says he knows it's hard for SD and often he thinks she can't help it, she's just a kid and hasn't been taught how to act (biting my tongue...isn't that his job also as a parent?) but that he also knows that she is getting old enough (14) to know what is right and what is wrong behavior.

So I (very gingerly) say "yes, you are right, but what motivation does she have to make any changes in her behavior? it is accepted so she continues". And he agreed !

I find it so much easier to cope with our situation when we have productive conversations like these. Real, honest not defensive and finding excuses for her. I wish we had more of them. But I know that they can only happen when he initiates them otherwise I'm met with defensiveness..

I also know that just because he agreed with me does not mean any changes will occur, but I am hopeful.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:22pm

I never know what to expect out of DH... one day he'll agree with every word I say about a particular issue and the next I'm horrible and just hate his kids. One day, he'll be the parent that makes me proud and get after skids for poor behavior and then next he is making excuses and dismissing things. It's so frustrating as I want to be his partner, I want to help him whenever I can, but like you, I feel like I have to bite my tongue for fear that it might be that "other" day when what I say is going to be used against me.

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:26pm

I know what you mean. And I try to put myself on the other end and think how I feel and act when he says something negative about my kids. But you know, even when it irritates me to hear someone be negative about them or their behavior, I know and acknowledge when I see them acting out of line. I correct them because it's what good parents do. I want better for my kids. I want them to learn and grow into sucessful adults. Silly me !