I am having many mixed emotions about this. I talked to SS11 last night. He was so excited to come. And I know SS14 is looking forward to it as well. OF course its SD16 that I am dreading. My house isn't really that big. We will have 5 kids in it. Which is everything I have been asking SO for. Last night I packed up all my personal belongings and put them in my little storage shed for the next few days. Had to put every single thing in there that SO thought would piss off SD16. So that means all the cards he got me, anything that has to do with love, or beyond that if you know what I mean. I guess I am mentally preparing myself for the "disengage" part of my weekend. Which makes it hard for all the boys. But as usual I will probably be with the boys while SD16 manipulates SO into her every want. And I'm sure as usual she will be on her "period" and he will have to RUSH her to the store to get the special kind of tampons. Oh yes this is something that occurs EVERY single time she comes. No matter what the dates are. She is ALWAYS (according to her) on her period and Daddy is the only one who can rush to the store to get those things. EVEN if I have them they aren't the "right" ones. HELLO? TAMPAX is always the RIGHT ones. Seriously. I am angry at myself for being annoyed with things like that. I am angry at myself for not trying to be a better person. But it just seems every time she comes and I do try to ignore my feelings then she does mean crap that she knows I can hear or see or what ever. She is the mother of her brothers. NOT ME...... she has made that very clear. And as for SO. I think she looks at herself as his care-taker. Like a mini-wife. I know I have said that before. I just am unsure how to react to that part of the weekend. When she is here he completely ignores me. There is no "normal" around the two of us. He turns into my "friend" and I think that upsets me to. Because we are loving. We do hold hands. We do kiss each other. We do laugh and grab each other when we are goofing off. When SD16 comes all that goes away. Then I get angry at him. Then I'm a bitch. Then I feel as if I ruin his time with his kids. I don't know what I am suppose to do. I am so tired of playing this game. I just want them to come. US to be our normal selves and as far as I'm concerned she can get use to it OR she doesn't have to come anymore!
In less then 9 hours my life is about to turn into HELL for 5 long days. They are staying till Monday night. I told my son that if all the boys want to go watch a movie I'd love to take them. Just to get out for a few hours. I'm sure she will want to go to. BUT she will insist on a movie for just her and SO. I keep thinking that I am overreacting to her. But I know I'm not. After being around her all summer I know I am safe in my feelings. I just have much guilt about them. My kids treat him very well. My daughter and him have bonded. But it's in secret. So there are no crazy tantrums from SD16 over it. We can't even have pictures around if my daughter is in them with him for fear of SD16 acting out. I understand he is HER dad. I totally get that BUT things could be smoother and better if her nasty attitude would go away.