DF (darling FIANCE, since we aren't married yet and I met just over two years ago, at a bar.

I know..... never get involved with men you meet in bars, right???

Trust me at the time I wasn't looking to get seriously involved with ANYONE!!! I was 34 years old, once divorced, and about nine months out of a REALLY bad break up with my physically abusive, deadbeat, alcoholic, (and as I later found out) drug addicted ex boyfriend whom I had been living a Jerry Springer episode with for approximately a year and a half, but thankfully had never married. At that point in my life the dreaded ex boyfriend was still stalking me (restraining orders are tough to get where I live - more details about THAT will follow in a future blog I'm sure), I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship AT ALL, and could usually be found running in the opposite direction whenever someone expressed interest in me beyond becoming a casual acquaintance. I know that this will sound ridiculous and cheesy, but all of that seemed to change almost in an instant when I spotted DF across a crowded bar, our eyes locked (yes, more ridiculous cheese!), and he smiled at me. To this day DF can still melt my insides with one of his smiles, which is a power that I sometimes find myself wishing he didn’t have!!!

DF and I started talking at the bar that night, and before I knew it several hours had passed, the bar was closing, and I had learned that DF was a very busy man between having 50 / 50 joint custody (one week on, one week off) of his then 8 year old daughter, working full time, and doing consulting on the side. An added bonus (to me anyway) was that he traveled extensively for both his full time and consulting jobs, and between that and his daughter, he didn’t seem to have a lot of time for a relationship. The pace of his lifestyle worked very well for me because I felt like with all of the other distractions that DF had going on it would leave him little time to obsess over me or be all up in my business all the time. Perfect!!! Little did I know where things would end up going, and just how serious they would become!

Today DF and I are engaged, living together, and planning our wedding which is to take place later this year. We have been on the verge of break up MANY times since becoming engaged ten months ago, for various reasons that will become clear in my future blogs, but so far have managed to make it through and are (in my opinion) stronger than ever. I am very involved in the co-parenting of his now almost 10 year old daughter, which is an experience that I have the pleasure of sharing with both DF and (choke) his sometimes rather dramatic ex wife, who in accordance with the rules of Steptalk, I will refer to as BM throughout my posts. I am starting this blog for several reasons, the primary of which I am listing below:

1) To serve as an “electronic journal” for me to get my thoughts down and possibly reflect on later. Who needs a paper and pen these days? My future stepdaughter also tends to be a SNOOP and I wouldn’t want to risk her finding such a thing. Besides, I don’t foresee anyone ever writing a biography about me, so I figure now is my chance!

2) To share my story of a “blended family” with others who may find themselves in similar situations and feel like they are the only person in the WORLD dealing with that particular dilemma. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have felt this way myself, and how helpful other blogs on this site have been to me as I learn how to effectively parent someone else’s child. At least I hope I'm doing it effectively! :?

3) To solicit support and feedback from other step and biological parents who have more experience than myself (I do not have children of my own) and might be able to offer me much needed advice or praise in those particularly sticky situations that I sometimes find myself faced with.

4) To look like I am actually busy at work, since things are extremely slow here and my boss operates under the misguided notion that if I am at my desk diligently typing ANYTHING then it must be business related and I am automatically employee of the year.

5) To be like all the other cool kids who have blogs. While I will never advertise my blog on Facebook the way so many of my friends do (because I do intend for it to contain some of my deepest darkest secrets that I simply MUST tell SOMEONE) it still makes me feel “hip” to know that I have one.

I am very much looking forward to sharing my story of what the process of becoming a stepparent has meant to me, the trials and tribulations that I have experienced along the way, and hope that my audience (whomever you may be) enjoys reading it as much as I will enjoy writing it. I will warn you ahead of time that I can be somewhat long winded, will sometimes go into more detail than you may care to hear, and will often flip back and forth between what happened two years ago and what is happening present day, although I will always try to make it clear whether I am speaking about past, current, or future events. With that being said, once upon a time, in a land far, far away…… just kidding! As much as I would like to tell you otherwise, this process has definitely NOT been a fairytale! Maybe I should instead begin with the phrase let’s get ready to RUMMMMMMMBLE!!!