Oh little drama queen...
DH's parents are driving from PA for Christmas. We live in the Midwest so it's about an 18 hour drive. We would like the house clean for them when they get here. Skids' cousins (maternal) were over yesterday while their mom was at work. SD5 was told that SHE was responsible for whatever messes were made in her room.
Cut to cousins leaving and DH heading for work around 3. Time to clean up after the hurricane in her room. 20 minutes of tantrum later, she falls asleep. Fine, whatever, I can work on cleaning the rest of the house in peace. Bedtime for skids (here, anyway) is 9-9:15. So I go in to wake her up around 4:30 so she can go to sleep at bedtime. She's peed her bed. She starts throwing a fit about waking up, I leave her to it- her whining makes me want to smack her, so I remove myself from it. Go in 10 minutes later, instead of getting up, changing clothes, etc, she's grabbed her brother's pillowpet (she's peed on all "her" pillows and they haven't been washed yet), put it over the wet spot and gone back to sleep. Wake her up again. More tantruming. I leave. Another 10 minutes, she's picked ALL her CLEAN sheets off the floor where she & cousins threw them, put THEM on the wet spot, gone back to sleep.
I was done being nice at this point. I already had to wash DH's and my sheets because she had gotten into OUR bed the night before and peed in it. She'd just given me an extra hour of laundry to do because she wouldn't get up. So I pick her up of the bed and stand her on her feet. Begin epic tantrum time.
"I don't want to clean my room, it's too hard," "Everyone's mean to me, they all make me WORK." Personally, I don't attend her fits. I shut her door and let her have them. Saves my sanity, and keeps it from pissing off SS7 and DD8mo. I clean until she calms down, calmly tell her that gma and gpa are coming, and that Santa doesn't like this kind of behavior, and she needs to get her room clean. MORE SCREAMING. "I have to clean EVERYTHING" DH and I have washed all the dishes (no dishwasher) done nearly all the laundry (hers alone is more than mine, DH's, SS7's, and DD's COMBINED because she throws clean clothes out of her drawers onto the floor, then takes them to the laundry room when she has to clean, plus she wets her bed nearly everynight), cleaned both bathrooms, cleaned DH's and my room... I told her that she could do all that and I would clean her room. MORE SCREAMING.
"Everybody's so mean to me" "it's too hard" "I have to clean ALL this"-granted, her room did look like a disaster at the time, but we have a fairly simple system for the kids to clean, so if she skipped the whining, it probably would've taken ~20 min. Told her this, and that I didn't care if she whined, she was going to do it, and her door would stay shut until she could stop acting like a baby. The last bit was probably unneeded, but it was 6:00 by this time, and she had done absolutely nothing but scream and whine.
She wanted to continue throwing a fit. Door shut. She started screaming about how her head hurt. My reply- Well if you weren't screaming for the last 90 minutes, your head wouldn't hurt. More screaming, this time, "I WANT MOMMY" "MMOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYY". So I thought, ok. You want Mommy, you can talk to Mommy. I call BM at work, leave her a message to call me back when she gets a chance. BM calls, I tell her what's going on, give the phone to SD. Now, we have our problems with BM, but she's usually pretty good about backing up DH or I when SD starts this crap.
BM tells SD, "I can't hear you when you whine. You need to clean your room or Santa won't come. You need to listen to funmommy. Stop being a baby and clean your room." YAY BM, thank you. The petty part of my did a little dance at the look on SD's face. It's 7:45. She's been screaming, throwing a fit, pounding on her bedroom walls, throwing things for over THREE STRAIGHT HOURS. FINALLY gets her room cleanISH by bedtime. She is sent to bed, teeth brushed, lights out, having done nothing all night but throw fits.
What a night. Pretty sure if I did this as a kid I would've been spanked. Hopefully she'll learn eventually that tantrums get her nowhere, and I DON'T CARE HOW LONG SHE SCREAMS, she's not going to get out of whatever she's been told to do.
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Comments
Good for you and the bm
Good for you and the bm backing you up. At some point I think spanking can be used. I was spanked as a child and I had no issues. Does BM or DH agree with spanking if she gets out of hand?
please dont get offended by
please dont get offended by my response, but it sounds like she suffers from ODD (Opositional Defiance Disorder) my Daughter15 has that and for many years we had to go through classes teaching us go holds while the tamtrums were in full pursuit. Another question I have is wouldnt it be easier to take away her big girl status by making her wear pull-ups. This would help save you time with laundry and may help with the issue. However, some kids are bedwetters until they are 9 or 10. It might just need to be a night and nap ritual. I love that the BM backed you up, its always hit or miss with the BM I deal with, but it sure feels good when they do.
I am glad your BM backed you
I am glad your BM backed you up! I wish ours was decent.
Also If I did anything like that growing up my butt would have had a wooden spoon to it.....It hurts just thinking about it.
Sorry but i don;t believe in
Sorry but i don;t believe in those kinds of 'disorders' it is mainly that the parents need to PARENT! Spank that bum and take everything away til she does what she is to do! People now a days look for some kind of disorder so that they don't have to be 'that' kind of parent that they need to be with certain kids.
Sorry don't want to offend but that is my opinion! I have an autistic child and I can tell you right now that all he ever wanted was to know that he couldn't get a way with that crap and when i put a boot up his bum he does what he is told!
funmommy I wish you could do something like that b/c it would only take few time before she would know that funmommy doesn't put up with that crap and not even for 30mins let alone 3 freaking hours!
I think what I would have done is spank that bum and tell her that if she doesn't get up and do what she is told then I will and all her stuff would be gone but her bed! I have done that to both my kids and you what? They make sure that when i tell them to clean their room it gets done! Autistic or not it gets done! Main reason b/c he knows mommy will take his stuff and leave just his bed.
Definitely pull-ups. A packs
Definitely pull-ups. A packs only $10. Make sure to get the overnights. We have SS still in a toddler bed because he has the occasional accident.
And next time she doesn't want to clean up, calmly remind her twice to clean up because she was the one who made the mess. The third time, I'm going in there and taking all the toys out. Don't know how to clean it up, then you don't get to play with it. Bet clean up will start going a whole lot faster.
Oh, and lock her drawers so shes not pulling clothing out whenever she feels like it. We got this older dresser that was a little damaged- best thing ever- just because SS couldn't pull the drawers out on his own without alerting us.
BM and DH have no problem
BM and DH have no problem with spanking. I was also spanked as a child, I'm not traumatized. I've been given the OK by DH to swat a behind or mouth if they talk back... BUT. Personally as I am NOT their parent, I don't want to deal with what could happen if they say something. BM actually had CPS called on her because SS7 (also autistic) told one of his teachers that "Mommy hit me in the head with a bottle." In reality she tossed a plastic soda bottle at the recycling and he stood up at the wrong time. So I just don't want to mess with what COULD happen. When my BD gets a little older that will be a different situation.
I've taken her toys away before. She takes the baby's toys, or her brother's, or will take and hide random things from the rest of the house.
As far as the pullups go, we've gotten them, we have them now for while DH's parents were here. However they don't help her stop, and she's actually GLAD for them, because it means she doesn't have to clean up after herself.
I ignore her tantrums. She used to be the one and only precious baby girl. She is neither since BD was born. I personally think she does it for attention, so I don't give her any. Both skids know I'm not kidding when I ask them to do something. I've started (DH backs me up)putting them in timeout whenever I have to tell them something more than 3 times (take your medicine, throw away trash, etc) unless it keeps them up past bedtime. If they don't stay in timeout I'll hold them in timeout. SD5 can scream all night if she wants to. I shut the door and don't listen. She's just cutting into her own play time.