First off, I am so thankful to find this forum. To be able to find a group of people that totally *get* and *understand* how I feel, and I totally get and understand how you ladies/gentlemen feel. UGH..

Little bit of History;

SD is 12 now almost 13. I've been in her life since she was 5 years old. DH and BM has been broken up since she was 2 and ahalf years old. Me and DH got married in 2009, we had a son in 2010 and expecting another bundle of joy in july 2012. We have included her in everything, never left her out and if anything she got more stuff done for her then my own child.

I understand SD is going through a lot. I have tried everything for her. I've always seen something "not right" with her but kept it to myself. in 2009 SD came to live with us and visits with her BM on weekends. Due to CPS issues, which BM chosed drugs and BF over SD we were advised to stop visitations. Her behaviors have started before this however, but its just getting worse with time. SD has been in counselling ( before we even stopped visitations) for over 3 years old. She doesn't talk. She acts normal and like nothing is wrong. However, when she is CAUGHT doing something she knows she isn't spose to do or have.. she goes on with crap about her mom/etc/etc... at first we did what the counseller told us to do, assure her we love her , blah blah blah. Fast forward to now. She USES this to get out of the consequences of her actions. she screams at me that im too "strict" on her.

Here are the rules of our house.
1. You take care of yourself, i.e bath, clean your body, wash your hair, daily hygiene. ( if you dont tell her to do these things, she doesn't do it!!!..she wont even comb her hair unless she thinks your watching before she goes to school )
2. take your dirty bed sheets each morning down to the laundry room.
3. do your homework..

Please ladies and gentlemen, tell me how I am too strict?.. she does not have chores, she does not have to do her laundry, etc.

SD pees the bed each night. We have taken her to the dr. etc. she peeds her pants in the day time on occasion.

It frustrates me cause she doesn't do anything to HELP the situation. she doesn't TRY. I mean i understand bedwetting is a issue some kids have but when the child uses it as control over you and uses it to make you mad it makes me mad. she has proven she can get out of bed to go to the bathroom. she chooses not to cause she is lazy. she went 3 nights one week, i said to her go tonight and tomorrow night and ill take you and a friend to the movies. she said "nah i rather wet the bed". like really?!.

we have sat down with her and said, like whats going on, what can we do to HELP you???... now its the baby thats coming so pretty much this is what her reasoning is..

"I pee my pants cause i dont want the baby to come"
"I pee the bed cause i dont want the baby to come"
"I lie cause i dont want the baby to come"
" I steal cause i don't want the baby to come"

If the baby wasnt coming it WOULD be something else.

Not to mention, she has start to violently HIT me. SHOVE me. KICK me. SPIT in my face. THROW books in my face. not to mention other things.

DH is being really supportive. I finally told him last week that im ready for her to leave this house that im 6 months pregnant and i cant handle this stress, that im headed for a mental breakdown. he understands. he feels the same way I do.. he has said to me that she is his own daughter and he cant bear looking at her ( she called him a little bitch when he confronted her on stealing from the school). I also advised her and him that the next time she lays her hand on me I will be calling the police. I feel bad for him cause he is stuck in the middle. We suspect she has severe ODD. which would explain her behavior. but how can we deal with it? Its so hard. My 2 year old son is being affected in this. My DH is worried for my safety cause he thinks one of these days she will pull a knife the way she looks at you when she is mad. I havent spoken to her since last week. I feel that im emotionally withdrawn from her. Ive done so much for her like done EVERYTHING for her and now im being treated like crap. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. Theres more to say but i feel ive written so much already. sorry for the long post. i just need support that I ain't alone.

i also like to mention that

i also like to mention that my darling sd threw a tantrum last year when she didn't get her own way , she went and called CPS and said my DH ( her dad) was beating her up and had them at my door about Child abuse. it was proven it was a lie, its on the books that she lied but incredibly damaged this family. I am just afraid of having my son being taken away from me... not her so much,, but my son!