Court: We just got obliterated
I can't believe this. I am late to work because I can't stop crying. How is this happening?
DH just got ordered to pay BM $200 a month in child support.
We DO NOT have that money.
We take care of SS2 and SS5 70% of the time. We need that money to keep food the house.
The judge said that NONE of Dh's evidence mattered at all because BM would not sign off to agree that it was evidence. Judge asked BM if it was evidence, and she pled the 5th.
How the f*ck are we supposed to get her to sign off on the fact that WE TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS? Why would she ever sign off on that?
The judge said that the emails DH had that clearly stated we take care of the boys the majority of the time did not count as evidence because BM could claim that her email had been tampered with. WTF?
BM makes more money than DH. Has a 6 figure trust fund. Sees the kids for approximately 3 hours a day.
I don't understand. DH and I were talking about having a baby, and now I have NO IDEA how we could possibly afford to have one.
Details (for those of you who are still with me):
DH picks the skids up at 630AM Monday through Friday and keeps them until 430PM (or 445). Our EOW is actually Friday at 630Am through Tuesday morning. Her EOW is Saturday and Sunday.
And we're supposed to pay her. How does that make sense? What the hell do we do?
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Comments
Stop letting her run your
Stop letting her run your life! If I remember your story, your BM is the one who drops her kids off super early in the morning and you guys feed them and take them to school and watch them until she picks them up. Stop doing it! Let her know that you will no longer be her free babysitter and chauffer.
I know it's hard b/c your DH doesn't want to turn away his kids but if she is going to be vindictive, there is no reason to do her any favors. As long as he keeps succumbing to her every whim she won't change. Tell him he has to train her like a dog and if he keeps rewarding her bad behavior by giving in to her all the time she will has no reason to sign off on the evidence. Make her feed her own children, find after school care, etc. I guarantee you that $200/month will go nowhere fast once she has to start paying to take care of her own children.
DITTO! HOpefully you won't
DITTO!
HOpefully you won't hear the line from DH: "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it might affect the children"
OR
"we'll just have to take the high road"
OR
"I don't want this to affect the kids"
If he tries this BS just let
If he tries this BS just let him know that taking the high road is now currently costing him $200/month. Plus he has CO visitation. She can't withhold the kids from him and she sounds like one of those BM's that can't really stand to be with their kids one minute more than absolutely necessary anyway.
The only other hand she would have is to go for more CS and since you just went through the hearing she can't legally go back since there's been no change in circumstances from one week to the next.
Can you tell I am extremely frustrated for you?
Yes, we pick them up at 630
Yes, we pick them up at 630 AM and she usually gets them sometime before 5PM. She won't feed them before she sends them over and we also pack SS5's lunch for school 95% of the time.
I just talked to DH and he says he wants to play hardball if she's going to be like this. I can't believe the judge went this way after we spent so much time documenting.
The judge said today that DH
The judge said today that DH has to pay half of child support costs. :? That is why we have been so diligent about making sure we can take care of them. But if she is going to be an a$$ then I think we should take the hit and make sure she has to pay at least something for her stupidity.
I guess just sticking to the
I guess just sticking to the EOW and making BM deal with the school pick up and drop offs are not an option?
Not sure. I think it would
Not sure. I think it would sort of crush DH. Plus, SS2 would basically be growing up in daycare. But I think of few months of that would be an option to show BM what she's getting herself into.
Wow, that's terrible. Since
Wow, that's terrible. Since BM will not sign off on your evidence, you will need to get independent verification. Is SS5 in school yet? Get his teachers/principal to state that you bring the child every day and attend parent/teacher conferences. Get doctors to state that you bring the children to every appointment. Have other witnesses (family members, neighbors) sign affadavits to state that the children are with you the majority of time. I hope that you are able to appeal the judge's decision.
Thank you for this
Thank you for this suggestion. It's a good one. DH drops SS off EVERY MORNING and picks him up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I am the one who picks him up Tuesday and Thursday. She literally never sets foot on the school campus. She also schedules all doctor visits for time periods when she can't attend so that DH has to take them.
So Sorry MH! That totally
So Sorry MH! That totally sucks. It seems as though you are going to need to tell BM that you simply can not afford to have skids 70% of the time anymore. That she will need to find another job or make daycare arrangements for them. This was her own doing.
I would say she just cut off her nose to spite her face. That is of course if your DH will play hardball. Will he?
I think he will play
I think he will play hardball. He VERY angry. This is pure insanity.
Good for him! He needs to
Good for him! He needs to get his righteous indignation up. Hope he's not like GG who would stay angry at yet another sock in the gut by the Behemoth but soon forget "for the sake of the kids" 24 hours later.
A lot of these BMs think it his the biodad's obligation to do all the transport and pay all the bills no matter what. They think it's a "privilege" for him that they "let" the biodad do all the heavy lifting and it's very "generous" of them to "allow it."
DH definitely needs to play
DH definitely needs to play hardball now and not think that giving into the BM somehow "helps" the children in ANY way.
yes please elaborate, and
yes please elaborate, and STICK TO THE CO. I am SO SORRY.
That is part of the problem.
That is part of the problem. She only sees them for 3 hours a day, but they sleep at her house, so they try to count those hours in BUT THOSE HOURS ARE FREE.
Kids do not cost money when they're sleeping. The electricity cost actually GOES DOWN during those times. I just don't get it.
Hell in NYS they don't even
Hell in NYS they don't even count the amount of time so an "NCP" biodad can have the child 24/7 and yet still pay CS to the "CP" BM.
Legalized ransom.
What is the actual CO
What is the actual CO visitation?
More evidence of the drooling
More evidence of the drooling idiots from the bottom 10% of the legal profession who end up on the family law bench.
Incapable of using logic to make a decision and without the personal honor and character to do the right thing when the evidence is smacking them in the face.
They get pimped out by the federal governement to extort money out of NCPs and bet paid by the federal government for extorting that money with additional program dollars that the federal gov't extorts from tax payers.
For sure you need to put the screws to BM by not allowing her to deviate from the CO even a little bit. She is the CP so make her act like the CP. Take the SKids only EOWE and make her schlep them to and from school, feed them on her dime and the CS you pay for HER to raise the kids, and focus on your core family which will include the Skids only EOWE.
As for the judge, if he is elected, take out full page adds in the local paper outlining his stupid decisions. Stay with the facts and close your add with "This judge forces children to spend time with a manipulative and uninvolved parent. Do you want to continue to pay for his stupid decisions with your tax dollars. Vote against Judge (DipShit) on election day."
We got a ton of attention from our own bottom 10%er idiot family law judge when we submitted our add to his local paper. His office called threatening all kinds of crap unless we pulled the add. Apparetnly he had a family member who worked at the paper who had called him when our full page add was being processed.
Our add had a picture of the Judge, a copy of the SpermIdiots most recent arrest photo, a faximile of the SpermIdiots arrest record and a redacted photo my SS who was then 2yo. With the exception of the photo of my SS it was all public record.
The copy stated "This judge, forces this child to have extended visitation with this criminal. Don't let this judge force your kids to spend time with criminals. Vote against Judge (Bottom 10%er) on election day".
His Honor was so pissed! Ha! }:)
Unfortunately our add never ran due to a lack of testicular fortitude at the news paper.
All IMHO of course.
I was hoping you would chime
I was hoping you would chime in here Rags. That newspaper idea is ingenius. We live in a smallish town, so it would probably never work out here either, but I think it is definitely worth the time and effort just in case it did go through.
I am so mad.
I really do agree with you though. I think it is just a racket designed to suck money out of NCPs' pockets. I am BLOWN away by this situation.
DH is going to be devastated if we have to go by the CO. He is an awesome father and barely handles our weekends off as it is. He misses them alot. But I don't see how else we are going to pull this off. BM cannot continue to get a free ride and then get PAID for doing it.
Oooh speaking of newspapers -
Oooh speaking of newspapers - can you take a picture of the kids with the daily paper every day for the next X number of months? That's evidence that you have possession of the kids on specific dates. Clothes change from day to day, so it's not like you staged a photo session...
BM really needs a rude
BM really needs a rude awakening! It's really up to DH to do it though, I am not sure how because I do not know your work schedules. It's great to have the kids, FULL TIME, or at least 50/50 custody, if you are arranging your lives to suit them. Petition for full custody or 50/50, along with the evidence you have already gathered? Not sure what the laws are in your state regarding custody...just a thought! I read somewhere that CS is ruled out if it's 50/50 custody...again, not sure about your state but I am just throwing stuff in here.
I pay 250 a week for day care
I pay 250 a week for day care for my 2 year old. Write up a bill for her at the end of the month for $500 for her portion of the daycare cost that you are providing. You end up with $300 after you pay your child support. I did it once and it worked... I quit getting dumped on!
Oh and if I do not pay by
Oh and if I do not pay by friday for the next week I get another $25 tacked on!
I understand that your
I understand that your situation is unfair. Our situation is also unfair with regards to how often we have SS and such. BUT my DH pays $650.00 a month...if he was only paying $200.00, I would be thrilled. Good luck...court is no fun and BM's are the worst (especially when it comes to then wanting "their" money)