He should tell her to stop acting so spoiled. She is 6 and it sounds like 6 being 6. He needs to tell her you worked hard on this party and to be grateful some kids wont even get to eat that night much less have a party. He should tell her that 1 friend showing up is better than none and convince her that it will be great. He should also spend some time teaching her about manners at 6 manners should be known.

But as a step mom myself I am surprised that you are mad at him for helping his daughter fall asleep and in the mean time falling asleep. Putting kids asleep or dealing with a child is exhausting work. My husband has many times fallen asleep while putting our kids to sleep. Maybe you could have offered to help by reading a story to her and leading her into her room, tucking her in etc. Maybe if you would have done half the work he wouldn't have fallen asleep. Its a suggestion you can try. Being a parent, whether its just on the weekend or its all week long is hard and time consuming work. At 6 years old they still need routine, a nice story is helpful and being tucked in while someone checks for monsters etc are all things that help little kids sleep. If she were older maybe 9 or 10 years old I'd say he spent too much time putting her to bed. However between the ages of newborn and 7 years old I'd say that falling asleep while catering to your child is normal and it occurs a lot.

It sucks you lost out on alone time. Maybe you should invest time into learning away around having children of your own. No offense but you will lose a lot more adult time if you have any of your own kids with bf. I've lost sleep, adult time, intimate moments, etc due to my husband or myself catering to our young children and as a result falling asleep ourselves. Having kids can sometimes be a buzz kill, sorry.

SOM,

I posted the below comment to your previous post but thought it applied equally well here with an additional element.

Kids behave as they are allowed to behave by the adults in their lives. Your SD needs to be given immediate clarity that another nasty comment about her party and it will be canceled. This needs to be said in front of both her and her father and you need to follow through.

Comment to your earlier OP is below:

Time for daddy to grow some sack and blister some little girl butt!

You too need to take some adult control of her little ass. Next time she trashes her room that you have cleaned blister her bare butt then empty her room of everything but the bed and basic furniture and put all of her shit on the curb and let it disappear. No crap in her room, nothing to make a mess with. A young child making a mess is one thing but wilfull manipulative behavior is another thing entirely.

Wilfull little shit kids need to realize one thing. Behave or be miserable. I am all for happy, respectful well behaved children. If they choose not to be happy, respectful and well behaved then I can damned sure make them miserable and actually have a bit of fun while doing it.

Don't get me wrong. A kid that truly needs help should get that help. Unfortunately few parents these days have the brains or courage to parent and tend to immediately go to the position of "poor baby just needs a hug, understanding and some therapy". Sure some kids need therapy and every kid needs hugs and understanding but no more so than they need boundaries, behavioral expectations and consequences for poor behavior.

Most importantly your SO needs definate clarity.

Here is the clarity I would give to your SO were I you.

1) She will sleep in her own bed and you will sleep in ours. Period. You leave our bed for hers, do not bother coming back. My 11yo son does not sleep in our bed, I don't sleep in his so you will not sleep in hers.

2) You either discipline your spawn or I will but there will be discipline and consequences for her behavior in our home. The same applies to all children in our home.

3) Children in our home will treat the adults with respect. Period. No negotiation and no tolerance for any deviation. If not, see #2 above.

Far too many parents forget that their job is to parent their children. A parent is not a buddy, a lover, a friend, a companion or a pawn to their children. A parent is a confidant, mentor, example, advocate and disciplinarian to their children.

Friend, and buddy can come later when the kids are grown. Lover, companion and a plethora of other relationships should never be a parents role with their child or visa versa.

I am 47 years old and my own parents are two of my favorite people but even now they will jerk a knot in my tail, and my 41yo brother's, if they think we need it or if one of us says or does something they consider out of line.

IMHO of course.

I'd call her bluff. I'd tell her "okay, we can cancel since you think it's not worth your time. I'm perfectly fine with that." then, walk away. You might even throw in "I'll start calling the parents right now and let them know." as you are walking away. Grab the phone and walk to your bedroom. More than likely, she will chase you down and plead that you not cancel. Let her know, that her behavior doesn't encourage you to do things like birthday parties for her and that you are under NO OBLIGATION to throw them for her. I've actually learned quite a bit from "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Kevin Lehman. He has a few "Have a New...." books. The information is practical and really not that difficult. It's our behavior that is crucial. We have more power than we think, we just have to exert it wisely. You might see if you can borrow it from the library. I own two of them, the one I mentioned and "Have a New Teenager by Friday".

Sorry totally posted without reading this. I thought this was a once in awhile occurence. I read your other post that's just weird. I thought "So dad fell asleep next to his daughter while getting her ready for bed" but then I read she does this every night. That's weird and he shouldn't always be sleeping with her. If he was falling asleep while putting her to be during the routine, even I've done that. If she's just being a weirdo and a snob and borderline incestuous that's gross and he needs to either handle it now or lose another woman in his life to his daughter. First, his daughter is his offspring not his lover. Women will leave ALL the time and they will drop off like flies if he continues to allow this in his house no matter WHO he lives with nobody will be comfortable with the daddy-lover role he has going on.

Tell her she either has the party the way it is or she gest NO party. Its at your expense you have no obligation to her.

1. Funny how some of us mirror one another...when DH and I first got married, SD(then 8 ), did the same thing. When it was time to go to bed, into ours she'd jump. He would let her. Sometimes, I'd wake up in the middle of the night to find her in the middle.

So, two can play. If DH didn't want to address it, I would. That night, she took a bath, I pulled back the covers on our bed, and told DH that "my spot" was now "her spot." And I refused to sleep in the same bed with DH. He didn't like that too much, and forced her into her own room. Never happened again.

2. As far as the birthday party...I would have to agree that 6 is acting like 6. I have a BD7 and it doesn't seem like it's such a stretch to think back to when she was 6. That kind of comment wold have been her way of showing she's worried that it wouldn't be fun...not really whether or not you are planning the most exciting day on earth. IMHO

When SD17 was younger, I (she and I) planned the best parties in the world for her. I learned, however, that she would never show gratitude, or be humble and accept the work and effort that went into them. I threw my LAST party for her when she invited a slew of "shady friends," who in essence ruined it for her anyway. I had her help me plan all of the parties. She had a say...not any more.

3. When it comes to "adult alone time" I have never really figured out how in the world my BD came into existence. (HA!!!) Ever since we've had custody, I've insisted, over and over again, that DH impose a bedtime for SD17. He could never do it. EVER. So, he gets the consequences from years of no bedtime. I don't spend time with him after BD goes to bed. He sits in front of a screen, any screen, sometimes 3 screens (computer, phone, TV) at a time. And, he's happy with that. It's all well and good when he abandons me for technology. When SD17 is out and comes to me?? My answer is NO. Because he only comes to me right after he's dropped her off with BM.

The good part?? I found this site.

Wow!!! If that was me I'd say "Right ok! Go without if it's not good enough!". What an ungrateful spoilt child! He'd better nip that in the bud straight away...he's going to have such a handful as she gets older! Unfortunately that also means you!

Yes, I'd bring it up again. He needs to stop sleeping with her.

I'm pretty sure I'd stop getting myself into situations where I have to do things for her either. Just not my style anymore. I helped plan a party once. What a waste that was.

I haven't been a SM to a 6 year old; my youngest was 8 when I appeared on the scene so this may or may not apply.

I threw a great party for my SD9 (at the time). She was VERY appreciative (and I didn't do all the stuff you're describing) but she had never had a party before and she loved every minute of the prep & the party. FDH was VERY appreciative too. I think that your SD should be taught that these things are extras in life and should not be taken for granted otherwise she will be a spoiled brat. You can teach her as well as your BF.

My FDH is not the greatest at implementing consequences and I won't discipline. However, I decided that anything that I do is fair game to be taken away by me if she mistreats me. SD10 lied to me so I didn't take her with me on a "girl's day" with my SM (movie & lunch). I flatly told her that how I treat her is a reflection of how she treats me...I wouldn't tolerate a friend who lied to me and I won't tolerate it from her. She was very upset (and shocked) when I left the house for the day out without her. She's been great with me ever since. I'm not suggesting that it's fixed, as I'm sure there will be need for reenforcing as time goes on. But, my point is, if YOU are doing EXTRA stuff for her then YOU have control to NOT DO IT and use it as leverage for how she treats you. I personally think 6 is old enough to figure out if I act X way, this will happen (or not happen).

As it relates to your BF missing out of one-on-one time because he's putting his daughter to sleep...tough one. I can see where you feel like it's a reflection of his priorities. I feel the same way. My FDH won't enforce a bed time with his kids. As such, we have no alone time together. I've told him that I'm willing to stay up an hour after they go to bed so that we get one-on-one time. I remove myself from the living room every night at 10pm and go to bed to read. When he complains I tell him that he has a choice for me to spend time with him but I'm not interested in staring at the boob tube with a group of people. He still doesn't get it. It's a work in progress.

I feel the same way, BM throwns ss a party every year (BAD CONDUCT IN SCHOOL AND ALL !) I dont get it??? He get in trouble at school all the time, it is to the point that the school has called in a special person to evaluate him to possibly put him "somewhere else"

Then she asks dh to chip in ...WHAT !

It is my choice not to have BIG parties like that until certain ages like 13, 16, and 18 so that they REALLY mater. She goes to these big expensive places where you have to buy game tokens for everyone and provide food and also hire a waitress just to help your group ?????? Nothing wrong with this, but EVERY YEAR ???? Even with BAD BEHAVIOR?

I plan on getting tons of balloons Baking 2 huge cakes of diffrent flavors, having music, punch, and snacks, and goodie bags and invite all the kids from the neighborhood, and our family in the same age range at the house in our giant back yard If anything I may rent a boncie thing and a popcorn machine and/or a snowcone machine only 30 bucks rental fee!!!

And whats wrong with that? They are only children under 10.SO if this is good enough for my boys why the heck do you have to spend close to 500 bucks on a stupid party. It not even special to them they really dont even get excited, they just start rambling off all the things they want and what type of food "they want served"