My disengaging is showing GREAT progress. My SO is FED UP with SD10's behavior. I am her primary care giver so obviously I could only disengage so much. And I stopped covering up her behavior so my SO won't be stressed. Its been an AWFUL week. Shes been lying, not doing homework, peeing her pants at school and home, not doing what shes told. Its been awful.
I have... Stopped paying for things, stopped cleaning up her messes, stopped letting things slide, and stopped letting her distance me from her father. Its actually been great being so open with my SO. Hes been supportive, he has not excused her behavior, and hes taken care of things himself. Its been rough the last couple months. I'm fighting to get back to where I feel some kind of connection and care from him.
The HUGE steps taken this week. She got her ass chewed for throwing his ex in my face (it was the first time I ever told him she did this), my SO is actually acknowledging when she pees everywhere and sometimes even cleans up, she got in HUGE TROUBLE for not doing her homework all week and lying about it (she is now accountable to him with her homework and got her halloween candy"taken away"), to top it of shes grounded all weekend because of overall behavior.
I know things will get worse before it gets better because she is going to push back. I'm going to just try to be a supportive of my SO as possible and hopefully try and find a minute or two somewhere to reconnect.
Funny story, today SD10 was grounded. She made a HUGE mess at breakfast and I cleaned everything up BUT her mess. SO goes and gets SD10 to clean it up. He sprays the table and hands her the rag to wipe it. She plays dumb and literally starts pushing the rag around like shes mentally incapable making the crumbs go all over the carpet I had just vacuumed. He says, "Here, let me show you how to do it. Next time you will have to do it on your own." I smile to myself knowing he's getting played because just last night I made her clean up a mess and she did it just fine. So after HE finished cleaning up HER mess he tells her its back to her room. She literally goes skipping to her room snickering to herself on the way. Well, SO didn't miss that. So he followed her quietly. He came back and told me that the look on her face was priceless when she turned around and saw him there. He went off on her and I guess he got so upset with her attitude he smacked her behind. Ooohh... Its about time people see this side of her behavior like I do. VERY funny!!!