BM's Only Source of Transportation From The Sticks Was Repo'ed This Week.
We had SS9 this weekend, and it was better behavior-wise.
But when we went out to dinner Sun. night with my MIL, a new situation with BM and her new-ish BF came to light...
A little back story for anyone who hasn't read my blog entries:
BM was dumped by her last BF a week before my DH and I's wedding in early August, she moved in with this new guy a week and a half later. He lives even farther away than her old place, which is WAY out in the woods. BM has NO vehicle to her name now, and now relies solely on her new BF for transportation for her and SS9, as she now lives out of bus range for SS9's school. New BF works graveyard, so apparently BM has been borrowing his truck to drive SS9 to and from school.
So on Sun. SS9 tells us that people came and repossessed the new BF's truck while he was at work this week.
So now BM has no way of picking up/dropping off SS9 @ school, let alone get to her very part-time job as a bartender at a motel bar in the podunk hick/meth town she now lives close to.
DH has washed his hands of it. We have expressed to her, over and over, how much easier it would be if she would just move back to our city. We cannot afford the gas to keep driving him to and from the school she insists he still attend that is 30 miles away from us.
I am trying to remain disengaged, but I can't help but worry and wonder how on earth she is going to manage to get him to school every day. I guess they're just relying on friends for rides right now, but since they are so far out in the boonies I can't imagine their friends are going to put up with that for very long.
Might I add, SS9 is STILL sleeping on the couch over at BM/New BF's place. No bed, no transportation, and when I picked him up on Fri., his clothes were filthy and stained and the school office has been giving him food bags when he leaves for the weekend (though he doesn't need to bring food to our house, obviously).
The snow will be flying here soon (in fact, it's supposed to snow this week), and where she insists on living now the snow gets 3 to 4 times deeper than it does in our city. The stupidity of it all boggles my mind.
I have given up hope that BM is ever going to change and that her situation is ever going to get any better. It just always seems to teeter on the edge of helpless, impoverished drama-filled despair and total irresponsibility.
Any suggestions?
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Comments
Sue for full custody. This
Sue for full custody. This situation is crazy...
I agree, and we would
I agree, and we would certainly like to, but it looks like right now hiring a lawyer to get full custody would cost several thousand dollars, and that is just not something we have, or could easily get, right now. DH has been making notes of everything for awhile now though, just in case.
You don't need a lawyer to
You don't need a lawyer to file a motion for custody, and it sounds like she can't afford one either. Just compile your reasoning, and enter a motion for a change of physical custody. I don't know what her problem is, but NO CHILD should have to deal with that crap. My heart just aches for that little guy.
Thank you. I don't know the
Thank you. I don't know the legal system very well, as I don't have children and have never been divorced. DH gave me the impression that he'd need to hire a lawyer to try for full custody, but I've been nagging him to try and get physical, at least, so he can live with us during the week. We live literally 3 blocks from one of the best schools in the district. I'm sure SS9 would have great difficulty with another change of schools, and it seems as if BM may have been brainwashing him a bit into believing that his current school is WAY better than schools in our city. So it would be a little traumatic, but I am sick and tired of worrying about his wellbeing.
She definitely can't afford a lawyer, she can't afford anything at all at this point. I feel so bad for SS9 too, he makes so many comments trying to defend his mom but the situation is so bad... I wish we had physical custody.
You're welcome! I have 3 BMs
You're welcome! I have 3 BMs to deal with, and 2 are particularly nasty. We have never needed an attorney, we have always just filed a motion, and then carefully compiled our evidence for court. The thing is, remember, it's your word against hers. So don't go in to court with allegations. They don't hold water, and she's probably a talented liar. Go into court with hard proof that she cannot deny. Do what you have to do. Get attendance records from the school. Let the school counselor know your concerns and ask for documentation of him coming to school dirty, late, tired, etc. If you ask for help proving your case, do your best to conceal the fact that you'd like to cave BMs head in with a cinder block, and make sure the people aiding you know that your main concern is the kid. We got full custody doing just that, and were able to severely limit her visitation by providing proof that SD9 isn't safe and cared for when she's with her mom.
Ignore it. If that's the life
Ignore it. If that's the life she's chosen, that's her decision. But don't enable her! The more you help, the longer she'll be helpless. She needs to figure out a way to provide the things she needs to raise a child. If she can't do that, then your DH might want to see about changing the CO.
Exactly. She seems to believe
Exactly. She seems to believe that she's just a victim in all this, and that it's mostly DH's fault for "abandoning" her and their son. UGH.
How I would love to just pound the phrase "Your life is not a product of what others have done to you, it is a product of CHOICES YOU HAVE MADE" into her head.
I've been fairly instrumental in getting DH to see where he's enabled her all these years, and it has been a bit of a process, but we've stopped helping her in even the smallest ways, for the most part. She HATES my guts for it, too.