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Jwoo83's picture

Submitted by Jwoo83 on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 4:16am

My boyfriend and I have been talking seriously about getting married lately. I was wondering what others opinions were on handling BM, drop off/pick ups of SKids? Here is what I've told him. 1)I don't see any reason why she would ever need my personal cell number. He and I discuss our plans and what needs to be done and then he can communicate our decisions to her. Her having my number would only give her a way to harass me. Which she would until I changed my number. 2) and please tell me if I'm being unreasonable here, but I told him for all the drop off/pick ups, he or we can meet her at a public area. I do not want that woman at my home. I don't want to fight with her and I don't want to play her games and the best way to avoid all that is not to engage her in the first place or allow her into our personal space. Also, she's wanting to throw a joint birthday party for Sd3 this year. He's told her no but she's still nagging. His family hates her for how she treated him and probably wouldn't show up if they did a joint party. We are thinking she just doesn't want to fork out the money for it. Sad. I guess I should be putting FSD3? For future step daughter? Still havent gotten all these abbreviations down yet lol

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cant win for losin's picture

Submitted by cant win for losin on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 8:28am

The cell phone number, i agree. She has no reason to need your number. If for some reason BM and fiancee need your assistance, fiancee would always be the one "asking" anyway.
It is not an unreasonable request.
The joint party for my situation has never been approached because, for 1 its kinda weird, and 2 its kinda weird! LOL
Have your own party. Everyone will enjoy it more. Kids can pick up in tension. And this is, afterall, FSD party.

Welcome to ST. Im newer myself, but have grown up in the blended family and have dealt with blended family issues with my ex and now my DH.
Good luck

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 9:00am

Hey welcome.. Ive been with my FDH for almost 3 years, and SD just turned 4. BM should never have my #, for any reason.

The CO says that FDH will pick up and drop off SD at BMs residence every time. And he did and even went inside (at BMs moms) until BM moved to her BFs house (FDHs exbestfriend). Then he said that he would not be coming over there and shed have to meet him at a neutral place. (But we still have to drive an hour).

BM has asked in the past for a joint-party.. I think the only joint she wanted was for us to pay half the bill. I agree with the other posters.. if he hasnt done this in the past dont start it now.

Jwoo83's picture

Submitted by Jwoo83 on Sat, 10/29/2011 - 11:32am

Thanks for all the advice! Yeah I think FDH is pretty adamant about having separate parties now. I agree, kids do pick up on a lot. Even if everyone behaved themselves, I still think it'd be extremely uncomfortable. And I know the probability of his brother behaving himself when it comes to BM is slim to none! He's the one who finally got sick of hearing all the things (and men) BM was out doing and informed FDH.

I'm glad most of you agree with meeting her somewhere. My case fits with what ripley said. BM could not control her body language or herself. Plus after her little stalking stunt she pulled with me when FDH and I first started dating, and now her wanting to move across the road from me even though FDH doesn't live here, I just feel extremely uncomfortable around her. If she were a normal human being, I wouldn't mind her coming over for pick up/drop off.