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Conversation with BM (long)

Newstep's picture

The last thing I wanted when I got home from a long day was to deal with BM Sad She finally got the divorce paperwork filed and she decides to text me to tell me to call her so she can discuss it with me :? I look at my BF and was like WTF?? I texted her back and said discuss it with BF not me. So she immediately texts him and says call me to discuss divorce if you girlfriend gives you permission. I was pissed!!!

We had a very limited but okay type of relationship. If anything came up with SD like wearing makeup or shaving her legs. I would either text her or we talked on the phone about it. Really easy and worked out. She still pulled her crazy with BF but since he disengaged it really didn't affect us that much.

Well now she has amped up the crazy. I called her out on the "girlfriend gives you permission" comment. First mistake LOL. But it really pissed me off. So she starts telling me how BF has abandoned his daughters and it all because of me. Shockingly she is being very calm and collected about it. But saying that they all had a situation that worked. I moved in and it all changed so in their eyes (her and the DD's) it is all because of me. I listened and explained that it may have worked for them but it wasn't working for BF so he made the changes. If she had a problem discuss it with him. She says he won't answer my calls he only texts me and I can't have a conversation (tell him what to do) by text message alone.

Surprisingly I did get some insight on her thinking **shudder**. She and the DD's had it made before I came along and ruined it. Whenever she needed anything BF came to the rescue of all of them. He was everyone's "go to guy" and now that he has stopped that he has abandoned them in their warped minds. Makes sense if you are them and it also shows the true character of all of them. BF was usefull as long as he was the doormat. He gets strong and starts to put himself first and they don't like it. Sad but true the only purpose he served was a paycheck and do whatever we say dad. Not one of them cares for his feelings or his wants and needs. He is only around to serve them and once that stopped he abandoned them.

They didn't call him on his Bday they didn't call him on Father's day but it is his fault for abandoning them :jawdrop: Two of them are grown women in there 20's one of which is not his biologically but he has raised her as his own since she was 3 or 4. The bottomless wallet and doormat daddy is gone and thinking of himself for once and now he is a rotten SOB. Poor little darlings and BM used him up and now he says no more and they can't handle it!!

SD12 feels invisible in our home according to BM. Well since the non stop world revolves around SD12 party train stopped anyways. Now that doing homework and taking a shower and having a bedtime are requirements not just suggestions all hell's breaking loose!! Now that every conversation isn't centered around her and all meals are no longer of her choosing she feels neglected. TV in living room is no longer always tuned to her programs and BF isn't falling all over himself being a guilty parent she is abandoned. BF is actually stepping up and being a parent and SD feels invisible. Too bad so sad. I hope that one day she will thank him for being her parent and not her friend. I hope that she will one day have a successful life that is not co-dependent with her BM like her older sisters. I hope that she is the one that gets a chance to be happy and independent and a productive member of society. Bm has ruined the other two but I hope that SD12 breaks the cycle of co-dependency and has a wonderful life. I can only hope Smile

Comments

purpledaisies's picture

I always say yep it is my fault! Sorry i gave him back his balls!!! I gave him the confidence to stand up to you, I told him he is NOT worthless unless he is giving money. He has more to give then just money he can TEACH THEM things, he has wisdom! He gives LOVE most importantly.

Newstep's picture

Love this purple!! So very true and exactly how my BF felt. He was worthless unless he was handing over money and rescuing them from every mess they willingly got into!!!

Newstep's picture

Yes it was filed originally three years ago and has been dragging on since then. She has refused to do her part and it holds up the process. She finally got her part done this last time after months and missed appointments with the legal aid dept. So it is a long time in coming.

LizzieA's picture

I'd just laugh at her. Poor poor SD has a real father. She's so neglected. It's more neglect to let her run wild and grow up like an animal. Glad your BF has his head and priorities straight! My DH got a rash of crap from his family and BM when he stopped being Mr. Everything to them all (it was killing him).

Jsmom's picture

You will be blamed regardless...I just have accepted it. Nothing I can do to change this mess, but I sure as hell can take the blame for not putting up with the permissive parenting that DH was doing. When I came along, they never took a shower, never ate breakfast, no chores, they were like wild animals that everyone just ignored the issues. DH was able to hide this for 4 years from me while dating. But, once we moved in before the wedding, I got a huge wake up call that these kids had no real parenting.

Now two years later, SD15 couldn't take it and thankfully lives with Mom and I do not have to deal with her. SS13 is great. Completely self-sufficient and thrives with structure. We now have him full time and he is doing great...Amazing what structure can do for a child. SD15 is out of control and has no rules.

No matter what you do you will be blamed, so at least make it count...

skylarksms's picture

She and the DD's had it made before I came along and ruined it. Whenever she needed anything BF came to the rescue of all of them. He was everyone's "go to guy" and now that he has stopped that he has abandoned them in their warped minds. Makes sense if you are them and it also shows the true character of all of them. BF was usefull as long as he was the doormat. He gets strong and starts to put himself first and they don't like it. Sad but true the only purpose he served was a paycheck and do whatever we say dad. Not one of them cares for his feelings or his wants and needs. He is only around to serve them and once that stopped he abandoned them.

And so the psycho-ness begins...seems like a common theme amongst BMs with:
1. low self esteem
2. lazy personality
3. any hint of mental illness (diagnosed or not)
and / or
4. the Entitlement Generation