Halloween issues
Halloween is in a few days and I will be out of town. This year DH has SD6 and SS4 for trick or treating which he's really excited for. We don't have a great relationship with BM mostly bc BM has emotional connection and co-dependency issues with DH. Her requests are never about the kids, but about creating family moments with skids and DH. She madeir known a month ago that she wanted to see the skids on Halloween since they would be with us. We sent her a message stating since she requested to see the kids that we should split the evening. She can pick the kids up from school and have them until 6:30pm and then DH will pick them up and have them for the balance of the evening. She responded that she just wants to come to our house for pics and leave. We responded with if its only pics you want you can take them in the morning since she will have to dress them up for school. She is now clearly upset and feels we are not being fair but has given us no valid reason as to why it's so important for her to come over. Am I being petty and should I relent or should I uphold this boundary as I'm so tired of being a doormat.
Your DH offered to let her
Your DH offered to let her have them until 6:30, there is no reason for her to go to your house for pictures.
If she keeps getting her way, she will NEVER stop.
Thanks for re-affirming my
Thanks for re-affirming my feelings. DH is actually surprised at how disgruntled she is despite us giving her the option of splitting the evening. I am not surprised as she's showed these behaviours before but hides her intentions well by using the 'what's best for the kids' stance. Luckily I've caught on and I'm able to help DH craft options that incorporate her asks into options that we're comfortable with it removes DH from the equation. Funny thing is that now xW is no longer interested in even having the kids for even half the evening - so bizarre right?!
Not bizarre, typical for an
Not bizarre, typical for an unreasonable person with an agenda. I think she revealed her agenda by backing out of the evening when you offered to split it. She just wants to have that "look what we did together" look in her eye to share a moment with YOUR dh.
All he has to do is say, "ok" when she backs out of the whole evening. If she tries more dickering just, "that's what works for us--split the evening or don't, there's no third option." Don't offer any explanations or reasons. Just, "that's what works for us."
But.... If you're going to be
But.... If you're going to be out of town - why do you care so much? Let Dad figure it our.
That's a good question... I
That's a good question... I care about it because this isn't a 'dad' issue to figure out - she isn't interested in seeing the kids if DH isn't involved. Since it's now about an ex using children to manipulate her way into our home, I'm now invested to protect my family and personal space from someone whose intentions are other than what she's admitting to.