I wish BM wouldn't wait until the last minute to do things.
So annoyed with BM waiting until the last minute to plan stuff, sometimes I think she does it on purpose so BF has to scramble.
It started yesterday when she txt'ed BF to see if she could have the boys tonight (it's our week) because her step-dad's parents are in town from out of state. Of course he said yes, but when you travel out of state you tend to plan things ahead of time, so I think BM knew they were going to be in town and my guess is she wanted to go to the 'dinner' with out kids so she could enjoy herself but it's likely her mom told her to bring them. I have no issues with her taking them it's 'family' after all but jeez a little heads up would have been nice. She HAD to have known something was going to happen this week and I am sure they have been in town for a few days.
Then today SS4's teacher called him (out of the blue) to see is BM had told him about the IEP (Individualized Education Program - for special needs kids) meeting in a few weeks. Of course she had not and the teacher commented that their seems to be a break down in 'communication'. Who knows how long she has known. But it's hard for BF to get off work at the last minute and he really wants to go to this. There were issues that have come up since the last IEP meeting and BM knows that he isn't happy and will say something. Basically BM didn't follow the 'plan' and blames the school. She doesn't want him to go (but can't legally keep him out) so by waiting until the last minute there is a chance he can't get off work.
Yeah it's shady as hell but that is how she works. But with all the issues that we had last year BF had made sure all the teachers know the situation and so far this year has been better. This teacher even said that she didn't have an address for him, so she couldn't even mail him anything. He fixed that now too. I told BF that BM wants to be in control, and when they were married he kind of let her have it because they were married and he thought they were on the same page, but now they aren't married and clearly not on the same page so yeah, she is not in control, it's 50/50.
I told him we'll wait and see how long before BM tells him about the meeting (unless the teacher tells her that she told him about it). I bet she waits until the week of, if she had planned to tell him all.
I hate to tell BM I think the doctor's and teacher's are starting to get on to her. Since it's 50/50 (all the way around) they are legally obligated to inform BF of what they talk about and any issues with the kids. The Doctor's and the school have to make sure that BF is informed and I think they are starting to realize that they can't count on BM to do that. They have to tell BF directly. Which he is doing his part as well, he calls the doctors after visits (if me can't go himself) and checks in regularly with the school.
I hate her mind games - they aren't even affective. They just annoy me.
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Comments
I have the same problem with
I have the same problem with my SS5's BM she is the same way. BM does not tell my DH anything that's going on with SS5. Last year BM called the day of two hours before SS5's prekindergarten graduation to kindergarten, lucky my DH didn't have to work that day so we were able to make it. Sorry no advice for you. Wish you in the best of luck
I just needed to vent about
I just needed to vent about it - really nothing we can do accept develop a good 'relationship' with the teachers/school so THEY let us know what is going on. and I check the school website regularly Last year BM told us the WRONG time for the Christmas program. Joke was on her we showed up (on time) and got to sit in the front row while she was late and had to sit in back.
My SS's BM would do the same
My SS's BM would do the same thing when SS lived with her by only giving as little advance notice as possible. It was so frustrating as DH's work requires a certain amount of notice as well. After we got custody, it was interesting to learn from her that she makes plans far in advance & doesn't like to wait till the last minute for things.
Just now I asked SS15 if his BM would tell him that we 'didn't care to come' if we couldn't make it at the drop of a hat. And, yep! She made it sound like we didn't care about him when we couldn't make a last minute trip 45 miles one way. I'm so glad HE knows better now!!
One thing we did with SS's IEP, is we had separate meetings. The school did tell us that they could progress w/ only BM's signature since SS was only here EOWE, but they wanted us to know what was going on & to add our signatures.
My SSs are 4 and 6 so I am
My SSs are 4 and 6 so I am sure that she is telling them that we don't care to go, I am sure they will figure it out some day. BF has 2 weeks vacation time that we never use so he uses them to go to stuff but like you said he has to turn it in enough in advance. And his boss is pretty good about working around the kids.
AS for the IEP meeting Bf was mad because in the last meeting they all agreed (BM included) that SS4 needed summer school but when it came time to do it BM said the school lost her check, BF called and the School had no record of his registration and had no reports of a lost check. Then BM changed to story to the teacher (who had been in the meeting and had agreed to at that time) told her summer school was a bad idea. That teacher just happened to retire that year with no way to get a hold of her. So the plan wasn't followed. BF is going to request it be in writing this year. With 50/50 EOW custody I think they have to let BF in on it since BM only has him half the time she only knows half the story. Plus she never says anything in these meetings, just agrees with everyone.
Glad Iam not alone - yet some how I wish I was, this is annoying.
MY SD17's BM has done this
MY SD17's BM has done this same exact thing for a looong time. Can't plan holidays out of town where my family is b/c she changes her mind at the very moment we have to leave to bring SD to her. (We meet half way since BM moved across the state) It takes 2 hours to meet BM, and she is ALWAYS an hour late. "Sorry the traffic was bad..." or whatever. Can't tell you the countless times family plans have had to be changed b/c of BM's inability to keep her word. There have been many times when she canceled her visitation all together for no good reason. Then, I'd have to pick up the pieces of my SD who would sob that her mother didn't want her....Sometimes BM did it to spite us, other times b/c she's selfish. Lucky for DH, he had a great relationship with SD's teachers when she was very young. The TEACHER is the one who called him to tell him his ex was withdrawing SD from school and planning to move her far away. (Which, by the way, never happened...)