You are here

Dh does not believe in Marriage, or does he??

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 10:23am

Dh was not married to his ex. He always told me he did not believe in having to have an "institution" for two people to commit for life. So he never proposed to me; it was just a "logical thing to do at this point, for insurance and other legal aspect, so let's just go ahead"....He believes in committing for life ( ex left him) and I have never worried about him cheating, he's straight up. Whenever I have brought up that I wish he believed in it more, instead of it just being paperwork that we had to go through, his answer was always along the lines of " what is the matter....I love you, want to be with you...this is just silly....".
Last night we were discussing taxes and I brought up how I felt about the marriage thing. He told me that we are, and isn't that good enough. So I told him that he never asked me though. I expected the usual " oh, come on..." which accompanies any emotional, not necessarily rational or logical issue. Instead, this non conventional, non traditional, don't tell me what to do man, came over to me and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him again, to be with him for the rest of my life, and this time to invite friends and family and have it celebrated in the open, not just in the courthouse the two of us. I said yes Smile
I know this does not mean a big wedding or anything, but just having our closest ones with us, but it still matters a lot to me.

On a side note....how SD will react is going to be interesting and probably painful. She always reminded me how her dad did not believe in marriage and ours was just a legal convenience.
I may doing some serious venting here before long..

Comments

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 10:29am

That's lovely - I hope you take your time and design absolutely the ceremony you want, with music, readings, whatever. SD will just have to come to terms with the fact that her dad has changed his attitude to marriage, and he wants to do the romantic thing with you - he obviously loves you very much indeed, and its a great compliment to you. I hope you have a great day.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 10:32am

Thanks so much. And yes, Iwlass, you described it better than I could even understand it, thanks.
I have to go out to work, but I am happy. Thanks ladies.

WHERESMYWART's picture

Submitted by WHERESMYWART on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 11:43am

That's just beautiful!! Hopefully SD won't cause too much grief but if she does, were here to listen:)

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 1:09pm

Wow, so he's ROMANTIC!!! GG doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. . .except for when he was married to the Behemoth and tried to please her. :sick:

CalgonTakeMeAway's picture

Submitted by CalgonTakeMeAway on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 8:54pm

Awwww that's wonderful!! Way to go, DH! I'm so happy for you! Maybe SD will shut up for once...one can dream! Don't let her ruin this wonderful time for you!

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 9:43pm

Thanks you so much, for the nice words..
It really means a lot to me; so often he just talks me into the "logical" thing that I thought he'd never get it. I am excited.

bbgf's picture

Submitted by bbgf on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 12:56am

Congrats Stepfamilyfriend!!

I also have one of those guys!!! He was married for 23 years and has stated a million times to me and all his friends/ family that he will NEVER get married again. I was married for 19 years. We both were terribly young and found ourselves in similar circumstances. He was 19 going into the AirForce- and found out she was pregnant 2 months before he was leaving. In order to get the AF to pay, they had to get married. They ended up having 3 kids in 4 years. I was very young, 15 when we had our first baby, he was 21. I got pregnant again right after graduation in 1992 and we felt obligated to get married.

MY bf is a wonderful man- my best friend. I have found everything that I have dreamed about in a man/relationship. Things couldn't be more perfect. And he tells me this all the time. But he sticks to his guns about NO marriage. He says he doesn't need a piece of paper to validate his love for me. And I don't blame him for Not wanting to risk another divorce. We both got divorced in the last two years. BUT as a woman, who truly believes I Found THE ONE- it is still hurtful to hear him say those words. It makes me feel like that little girl that still isn't good enough? I got married out of Obligation- as did he. And we have both experienced so much in our lives- then to find each other is a miracle. I keep thinking that ONE day- when he is ready, He will propose to me. He gave me a diamond ring for my birthday last year- a confusing decision- because it happened so fast- but he never asked me- he looked at it as simply a Gift- not an engagement ring. It is still a sour subject to this day- especially when people ask me about a wedding.

I don't want to be someone who pushes the issue- we have friends like that! But I want to be the real fairy tale princess to HIM. I want to know that when the time is right, he will put down his pride and be brave enough to step out of his fear and take this chance with me- Maybe one day Smile

You give me hope!! Good Luck!!

BBGF

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 6:55am

bbgf, I hear you. At least you got a diamond ring Smile , I didn't ; ).
In an ideal fairy world they would all just want the same thing we do. always remember and celebrate the special dates and all. Some men are just more practical; up to us not to take it personal. As far as not pushing, well, I did. Not in an obnoxious way, at least not according to me, but I kept reminding him that it mattered to me.
Good luck to you!