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The rich ex-wife

bailey's picture

I am married with two biological children that live in the home, and two step-children who should live in the home. My husband's ex wife is wealthy only because she works herself to death. Her hours range from 6:30am to 7:30 pm five days on then five days off. On her five days off she also has two part-time jobs that require her to work from 9:00am to 9:00 pm. I would say that she is making well over $30.00 an hour as a minimum wage for each job. She has signed her children up for two activities each after school along with Guitar lessons before school two days a week. Here is my problem. My husband and I have his children before school in the morning, after school, we run them to their activities, feed them dinner, get their homework done and get them ready for bed in the evening before she gets off work and takes them home to sleep. Only to return them at 6:15am so that I can get them ready again! She has been asking that we help pay for half of the activities, and because she has them on her insurance policy, we are required to pay up to her 500.00 deductible until its met, then we pay the co-pay if any. My husband pays her child support monthly. Its deducted from his check and goes directly to her so he's never missed a payment.
I'm telling you...this story is 100% true. For the month of May she has 4 days off. On her weekends with the kids...she works and they go to a babysitter, usually her parents or us. This month I have added up her hours and she will be working 170 hours this month, and she has already returned from her private vacation to Jamaica where she was gone for 7 days. Her only day back before returning to work she was too busy to go to her daughters softball because "card night" was at her house. Priorities right? I told my husband that we might as well fight for full custody of his children and ask for child support from her. I know that she makes more than my husband and I put together, yet she claims poverty as she'd driving her Lincoln Navagator and living in her 350,000 house. He says that we would never be able to get custody because we can't prove her as an unfit mother. Unfit...maybe but Neglectful definately. How do I get my husband to understand that I just can't take this anymore. The ex is definately ruining our marriage. Help Please!

happy mom's picture

What was the custody arrangement the court had ordered? If that's not being followed and ex is not cooperating with your decisions, then maybe going back to court is an answer to get her to be more involved in her children as far as schedule goes. I don't know how else you could have your husband understand what you are feeling, you've already told him. You really need to iron this out with your husband first. Hang in there, hope things get better.

pitts's picture

I have about the same problem. I have Three childern and he has one six year old boy. We have him every weekend. He comes to our house with brusies and can't remember when he had a bath ( We ask him because the dirt is ears and everother place. We are very finnanicsly stable between two of us we make 90,000 a year. The mother has 5 childern by 4 diffent fathers. She dose home daycare. She has at least ten to eleven childern there on a daily basees. We would be able to give him a lot more one to one ( she has put him on ADDH meds. so he will just sit and watch T.V. ) He dose just fine on the weekends, just like a normal boy. How do I get the father to understand that he dosen't have to leave him with her. He thinks he would never get her to agree to him living with us during the week. I need help. Life can be the pitts!!!!

Caryn's picture

In almost all states, you do not have to prove her unfit to get custody. Your husband only has to show that he and you are the primary care givers. You can show this by time spent with the children during waking hours. Add up your time in a month by keeping a diary. Add up her time. Get records if possible. Add up the time the children are with a third party.

She is not the primary car giver just because the children sleep at her house. When the children are asleep, that doesn't count as care. How much time does she actually spend with them? Add it up in a typical month. Then, go back into court and get the custody arrangement changed. When the custody is changed, then the child support can be as well. Also, a court can order her financial records such as tax returns, etc. If she is making more than your husband and you combined, then she is most likely not entitled to child support.

Go get a referral for a competent, trustworthy attorney. Look for someone who is hands on, meets with you, has time for you, returns your calls and has reasonable rates. Then, let him or her fight this battle for you. As an attorney myself, I know there are good and bad ones out there. Some will hold your hand through it, stand by you and help you achieve justice and what is in the best interest of the children, and some will gouge you. Pick the first. Good luck!

Ligaea's picture

Make your husband do all the getting the kids ready and the running around. He'll get tired of it and finally do something.

I'm at the understanding that you have to prove a mother unfit (drugs, abuse, etc.) to take away custody. She definitely doesn't seem interested in her kids. She should have spent 7 days with them instead of in Jamaica. Find a good lawyer and take her back to court. It couldn't hurt to try. maybe your husband could iron out the details better. But suprise her with it. That way she won't be able to take time off from one of her gazillion jobs to be there.

still_looking's picture

You are correct, sometimes Husbands prefer the sit back and not move method, and unfortunately we as women have this insight in knowing that stuff will get worse before it gets better, I don't know why men are not equipped with this. Unfit would be needed if their were not other deficiences however neglect is there. I agree keep a journal, get 3rd parties (babysitters, teachers, after school instructors) to all submit when they had the children. That is your smoking gun, they have no reason to lie in the courts eyes.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)