In thinking about my situation and my life as a stepmother, I am starting to see some truths that apply to most, if not all, step situations.

In my own life, I have become jaded and even a little resentful that so much of my life involves the whims of someone to whom I have no relation, with whom I desire no contact and for whom I have no respect: the BM. Without going into the well-known misdeeds and psychological prowess (or lack thereof) of my steps' mother, suffice it to say that the mere mention of her name in my presence tempts me to open my personal arsenal and rid the world of an unsightly blemish. Although my happiness and the success of my family does not depend upon the actions of the BM, these things are affected by those actions, her mental and financial state and her parenting style. A perfectly planned, romantic weekend can be turned into a disastrous play for power at the ring of DH's cell. Then, ensues the struggle for "fairness" and the emotional infedelity brought on when DH is unable or unwilling to assert himself...typical, I think, of so many father's in this situation.

Traditional, first-time marriages begin with more of a clean slate and upon experiencing any type of indescretion, stress or strain couples can still achieve a harmonious unity. However, step-marriages, seem to come out of the ceremony facing indiscretions, stress and strain head-on. DH is torn between the skids, the BM, the new wife and often, the MIL. The new wife is left to wonder where her place is and why her attempts at forming a cohesive family unit are being met with name-calling, disdain or worse, hatred. After fighting this losing battle for some time, the stepmom becomes jaded and begins to disengage or "care less." In a lot of instances, DH does not believe that there truly exists a problem until the disengaging begins, then suddenly "What is wrong with you? Why are you being this way? Don't you love my children?"

As, I said, these are just some thoughts about my own situation. I believe that I came into my marriage to my DH already disengaged to a certain extent. I am a strong-willed woman and I demand a great deal from those around me, including DH and skids. A lot of my ideas and beliefs differ greatly from many of you out there, but that's alright because we are here to, hopefully, learn from each other.

That's just how I roll.