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Had a Big Sis talk with my siblings......

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 1:19pm

I basically advised them to NEVER EVER under any circumstances marry into a step situation. They are both young, beautiful, smart and have great personalities and are always talking about how tough the dating scene is and how much more serious people with kids seem about marriage and family. I told them that while there are situations that might work out for everyone in a blended family, they are way too far and in between to even waste your time.

I was wondering, especially from the ladies here, if anyone warned you or even mentioned the whole stepfamily thing when giving you advice on relationships. I know that for the most part, guys are warned about women with kids and the "ready-made family" idea, but I think girls are just kind of left to figure it out along the way in our society.

Comments

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 1:29pm

Nobody ever said a word about blended families to me, because nobody I know is involved in one (except my DH, he has a stepmom but she's absolutely wonderful)

I was, however, told once upon a time that I'd be a "tough package to sell"... I was widowed, and had 2 small kids. What the person was eluding to was that I was 37 with a 6 y/o and a 3 y/o -- meaning most people "my age" had much older children, and nobody would want an old woman with little kids. Nice, huh?

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 2:25pm

I got that too. I should be grateful for any man that would have me. I had too much baggage with a dead husband and a 6 year old. Nice. Looking back, my baggage was minimal to DH's. My husband was dead, his is still very much alive and a pain in my ass....

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 1:47pm

I had that talk with BD30 that lives in DC. In fact my SO and I both told her we would fly up there and do an intervention if we found out she even dated someone with kids!

She love the fskids and so do I but she has seen the "insanity" that follows crazo.

I hope she listens to her head and not her heart.

shielded2009's picture

Submitted by shielded2009 on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 2:03pm

It wasn't communicated to me like that because I come from a blended situation on both sides...I was just prepared for what to expect,how to approach it, what to demand and not accept, etc, which is what I've done from day one...

I got married at 37, and had my first child at 38...By the time all this happened, I think I only knew 1 or 2 guys without children or who had never been married...

I have a couple of girl friends who are dating guys with children, and I don't think it's a bad thing and I wouldn't tell them not to marry them...I am however very frank on what they should expect, how to conduct themselves and how boundaries are essential, and what to expect and demand from their men, etc...

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 4:54pm

No-one ever warned me but they didn't have to....I was raised in a very strained blended family situation. My childhood was the warning!

I have however had this talk with my two younger sisters. (children of my dad and SM) They were still small when I grew up and out (they were 7 and 5.5 when I left home) so they dont have an accurate or mature memory of what life was like.

Sister22 got married to a single guy with no kids and then they had two kids of there own and so far so good. YAY!

Unfortunately SisterJust21 has decided to move in with a custodial dad with a psycho BM and she is now "living the dream". Luckily for her she knows everything and needs no advice at all. LMAO }:) She "knows" that eventually BM will just disappear and that her skids will grow up to love and adore her and see her as their mommy.

Whatever.

She will live and learn.