I sent my DS12 to spend several weeks with his bio dad this summer. I live in Alaska. Bio dad lives in Colorado. My son is adopted and I am under no obligation to allow any visitation whatsoever. But biodad initiated a relationship several years ago and I see no reason why they shouldn't have whatever relationship works for them.

Biodad is remarried. Has been for about 10 years. We were NEVER married. We have little in common. He's a nice person, but so are a lot of people and I don't feel predisposed to spend time with them, either.

I have never met biodads wife. But he loves her and trusts her with DS, and he's a good dad, and that is all I need to know.

DS had such a good time there this summer he asked to change his ticket and stay an extra week! He and biodads wife really hit it off. She treats him as if he were her own. Anything else about her is none of my damn business. She makes my son happy and helps to foster a relationship with his dad, which is important to him. What else can I really ask of her?

Shielded - I glad your DH was so assertive with BM and it has worked out well - and your decision not to meet her until she behaved for a year was brilliant!

I did meet the BM, but only barely - it has been on a couple of occasions although DH and I have been together 9 years. I have exchanged maybe 10 words with her in that time. I despise the way she behaves (continual drama and conflict) and always tell DH (who, like yours has learned to be assertive) that I will start giving BM the benefit of the doubt when she has behaved well for 3 years non stop. He always hopes she has mended her ways when there has been no drama for like, a month - no chance! I think he feels bad because my ex has always behaved like a gentleman to him, and my bio daughters have been sweet to him, whereas his ex and his daughters have been my worst nightmare.

How do you get out of not meeting her? I've had to see/speak to bio mom at school events/meetings and at pick up/drop offs. I understand picking up/dropping off at school, but have you never been to the same events? Just curious. I, too decided to not specifically agree to a meet n greet (that bm wanted) and it, too caused drama. I chose to not force the issue. I figured I'd meet her eventually in the due course of events, which is how it happened. Do you not attend functions with your dh? I decline whenever possible, but I have to go occasionally so as to not hurt my dh's feelings. Just curious as to the mechanics.

I have never met her either, and I plan on only meeting her at my skids graduations and weddings. I feel no need to meet her. She also lives across the United States, so that helps out a lot. It has taken me a long time to get over the fact that I am wife number 2 (it has been painful for me) and the last thing that I need is this "woman" causing drama in my life.

I also have low self esteem, so I feel like she WOULD have the capability to bulldoze me if we were to meet face to face, and I would not be able to stand up for myself... BUT, because I have never met her, I am this huge mystery, and the longer we go without meeting, the more curious she is and it kills her... Therefore, I get the upper hand by default.

I have never met the BM either. We have talked and texted regarding SD but no face to face meeting. I have a hard time when she disrespects my BF but he is finally standing up to her and not allowing it.

When he won't answer her calls or texts she immediately has SD call him. He is finally getting it through his head to squash that. He didn't want to hurt SD's feelings.

I have never formally met the Whale (BM), but when my husband and I were first dating, she called my house trying to start trouble when she found out he was in a new relationship. We had been only seeing each other for a week before she she wanted to meet me. After months of dealing with her tirades, name calling, blatant disrespect, I told her that I was ready to meet her. By this time, I had already called the police on her and her sister for harassment. She, at that point, no longer was interested in meeting me lol. Im not one for mess, so I nipped that in the bud in the beginning. Im proud to see that fighting spirit in you

Now, when we go pick up the kids, she stares me down in the car and watches to make sure the kids dont really address me when they see me. The oldest one is all smiles as soon as she gets in the car, but she's gotta hide her emotions cause the Whale watches. If there is a shred of happiness to see me, the Whale puts on a boo hoo show of how much she will miss them, and how hard it is for her to see them go, etc. But when she has them, she parks them in front of the tv and calls it a day.

I havent had to deal with her much more than that. As far as parent/teacher conferences, my hubby has set it up so that we have ours separate. She's tried to guilt him into coming to the ones with her, like anyone wants to be around her; but that hasnt worked. In any event, I dont really think she'd want that, because I would be right by his side.