A little background: I met my husband 2.5 years ago. He was going through a divorce. I was a single mother to 4 kids working my way through nursing school. We married 4 months ago. I have full custody of my kids and he has 50/50 of his daughter. She is with us every other week. Last year, hubby initiated a change of custody due to many things going on at mom's house. Sexual abuse from another child in the home, partying and sending her daughter to her parents 4 of her 7 nights, her little girl cooking on the stove because mom was too drunk to wake up. Mom was also into the Swinger lifestyle and would bring her daughter around these couples. Prior to filing for this emergency hearing, he called his ex wife to communicate what their daughter was alleging. Rather than be concerned for her safety and rushing to be with her daughter, she exclaimed it was his business what happened at her house. He called CPS and initiated a change of custody. What a joke this became. The judge agreed that the threshold was met for a change and sent it to an investigator. That took place 5 months after the order. In the meantime, dad got his daughter into a counselor. The investigator found that he had best interest in 3 of the 9 areas but felt it still wasn't enough to change custody In the meantime, his daughter is failing out of school ( 2nd grade) and there is a potential for a learning disorder. Mom said she wasn't concerned, but dad initiated a meeting with the school for potential intervention. BY the end of last school year, she was still at a kindergarden reading level but her grades were A's because they lowered her curriculum. Mom was still not actively participating in her daughter's medical, educational or emotional healing. She lives in the denial world that everything is fine and there is nothing to see here.

Mom found out that we were getting married in June and had a total meltdown that she shared with her daughter. My relationship became strained with her because she took the stance that she hated me and my children. I understand where the root of this is coming from, and she is a child. I still treat her with respect and like she is my own. At our house we have rules, and structure. We are like a family from the 50's. There are no video games, cellphones, ipods or internet. We do not have cable, we eat dinner together almost every night and spend time as a family. The kids have chores and a homework schedule to follow. Her mom's house is the exact opposite and doesn't "make her do anything she doesn't want to do". That is her stance. She does not discipline her, yet tries to get her medicated for being disrespectful and having tantrums. ( This child does not act this way at our house).

Last month mom made an appt for her to have a new counselor. My husband took the day off from work so that he could be there. He is on board with his daughter needing help with the divorce, new family etc. Mom then changed the appt time and did not tell him so that he couldn't be there. He requested a copy of the intake notes and found that mom had alleged that dad is not involved in her life, he is not educationally involved, won't allow her to see a counselor ( Last year she had one for 6 months) and that he is always gone to work. ( He is home by 5 each night) She alleged that we beat her with a wooden paddle ( We do not use that form of discipline), that we filed false sexual abuse allegations and we she gets yelled at and punished and does not like it. She also stated that she hates her step mom and her kids.

My husband rescheduled the appt so that this counselor could get the truth. His daughter told him the reason she lies all the time is because her mom said that she would lose custody of her. The counselor showed that he was biased by taking mom back alone for 30 minutes and then allowing dad back there.

Yesterday she sent a text to her dad 15 min prior to coming over for the week stating that she doesn't want to come over anymore, she doesn't like any of us and he responded that he loved her and would see her soon. She responded again that she just can't come over anymore and would be staying with her mom and would come over after school for two nights a week and then go back to moms. His response was the same. Her mom brought her over and his daughter stood on the porch crying stating that she hates all of us and she wouldn't be coming over until we were gone. Dad was soft but firm that she needed to get her backpack and come inside.

What can we do? This little girl went from loving all of us to hating all of us. My husband is in tears and feels like he is grieving the child she once was. I am terrified that since getting rid of us won't happen, she will then start making dangerous accusations about me or my boys. We are so conflicted because we know this is coming from mom, mom is a pathological liar, mom has shown her contempt for me every chance she gets. This year during their daughter's IEP she screamed that I wasn't allowed there ( Which they promptly explained that I was allowed and not to forget that this was about their daughter) I typically sign her daily reading log and two weeks ago became very anxious and said I wasn't allowed to sign that because her mom freaked out the week before when she saw my signature on it. I am lost. I want to do what is best for this little girl but we feel helpless.