It doesn't make you a bad person, but holding on to it will make YOU miserable. I know it's hard to forgive, but forgiving is for us, not the people we forgive. Usually they don't even know how upset we are. I had to buy a book about forgiving because of a work situation I was in a few years ago.

You can forgive and move on and still detach a little. This is HIS kid...where is HIS initiative? If he's usually unable to take her because of work, he should JUMP at the opportunity when he's able.

You need to set some boundaries. Stop doing all the things you usually do for a few days so he can see how much you do. He probably has NO idea. He'll get the picture when HE has to pick up the slack. But no, you are NOT a bad person!

I remember everything that was done to me. I can't dwell on it, but I certainly won't let it happen to me again.

These dads want it both ways, they want us to do for their kids naturally, but when we try to parent naturally we are admonished for it.

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
~Thomas S. Szasz

I'm with you and Jsmom, I remember everything that was done to me and while I can move on, I certainly won't be dumb enough to forget and open myself up it again.

He is her father. If anyone should want to take her to school, it should be her parent.

I think holding a grudge over no Mother's Day gift is silly. It sounds like there's more serious things that you could be upset about here.

I think that him expecting you to take care of his daughter when he is available is stupid. He's the parent. His daughter is his responsibility.

Do you communicate with DF about how you are feeling unappreciated? I mean effectively communicate? Holding a grudge does not help, but hurt you. Grudges also allow for you to keep a talley of what you do versus what he does/doesnt do for his child, and blocks effective communication. Have you tried sitting down and talking to him, feelings aside, and just let him know how his actions affect you and what you both expect from each other? This is definitely something to discuss before walking down the aisle, because it will not be any easier once married and the problem not nipped in the bud. I wish you the best!

Nope - doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. You were hurt by the behavior. It shows their immaturity and ungratefullness. But dad is a man. And men can be stupid and insensitive about recognizing you as a 'Mother-figure' and celebrating all that you do on the one day that he SHOULD recognize you. It stinks, I know. SD9 is young and at this age, I think would need to be reminded (and helped) to recognize you (or even her BM) on Mother's Day. Try not to take that one too personal. This is where dad failed. He needs to teach her how to show appreciation.

That all said, your fiance is a bonehead for expecting you to just continue what you are doing even when he is available. But I can tell you mine would probably do the same thing. As soon as you are doing something, they expect you to keep doing it. I guess you need to have a conversation with hubby about your expectations. That you don't mind doing things sometimes when he CAN'T but when he can, he needs to be the primary care giver.

To give you an example of a stupid, insensitive man... my own BS was 6 months old on my first Mothers Day, EH didn't do CRAP, not even a happy mothers day wish because he said "he's only 6 months old, you didn't DO anything yet." Whaaaat? I did everything for my son... I carried him for 9 months, I breastfed and he NEVER had to get up in the middle of the night, changed approx 1 diaper, never bathed him, never did squat (until he was around 2 or 3 yrs old) and I didn't do anything. a$$hole.

You said that he ASKED you if you were going to take her to school. That shows that he knew there was a damned good reason why you would not be doing it and that he should get his lazy ass in the car. Basic passive-aggressive crap. My FH does the same thing. Grrrr!