What about the other kid?

Ugh, this is a hard situation. So where would SS13 sleep? On a couch or something? I totally see your pain because the skids were mad when I gave baby his own room too. But the skids were already sharing a room anyway (because we had a roommate in the spare room until the end of my pregnancy). I explained to the skids that they don't want to sleep in a room with a baby who wakes up during the night and cries, so that made them feel better. I explained that when they're all older if we're still living in our house that we can re-evaluate it and maybe SS and Baby can sleep in the same room.

Depending on your skid, he might be really upset by it or he might be okay. I think he'll probably be disappointed and a little sad and feel like he's being kicked out. I think the best way to go about it is to be creative and make him a new "space" somewhere. Do you have a family room or something he'd be sleeping in? Is there a way to make a privacy screen and put a few personal things of his in an area for him to have that is all his?

You'll have to really "sell" it to the 13yo...that he gets a new space for himself. Don't just delegate a couch for him and that be all that happens.

This is a tough one...how big is the room your D is in now?

Personally, this is just MY opinion on what I would do ok? Because SS is used to having the room to himself all this time, AND he is a teenager...I would have the two younger ones share the room. They will get used to sleeping in the same room.

Can you have the baby sleep w/you guys for the first 3-4 months? That's what I did and eventually had the boys in the same room...they shared a room until just last year...when my oldest turned 11...and it was fine. Granted they are both boys-but I think changing things aroudn 13 years in is a little unfair to the teen-and the 3yr old WILL adjust to the sibling in the room. At least I would approach it this way and eventually think of a bigger place.

NOW-if your ss hadn't had his own room all this time and/or was younger I would have a diff approach to this.

Oh this is tough 1 and we battled the same thing. Sd is 4 and our bs is 8 months. We had the what if conversation about the bedrooms when we bought the house. I said if we have another baby and it's a girl she will definitely have to share with sd. Although at that point it would be more the new baby's room and sd would have her bed in there. But when it came to the ifit was a boy conversation.. things got heated. Fdh wants sd to have her own space and I understand that but is that a reason enough to cram 2 kids in the same room all the time? Tough call, but it ticks me off now that the larger of the bedrooms sits empty all the time.

She won't play in there and normally doesn't go in there until she goes to sleep. Guess well have to see what happens when and if there is another baby.

Can the baby and 3 year old share when SS is over? Or maybe have the baby sleep in your room when SS is there.

OH, and let me add....that I only say this because he's had the room this whole time, kwim?

In my case now-bf and I dont' live together so it's not an issue...and on the ocassion they spend the night when she's visiting EOW, SD takes the couch.

I personally even if we did get a new house together....I would be hesitant to give SD her own room...even if I had the extra bedroom-it would be a guest room/office w/a futon or perhaps a bed she could use when visiting us. We dont' even think we will be staying in the same state much longer.

My SS was 13 when DH and I had our first baby together. At the time we lived in a 2 bedroom home and the 2nd bedroom was SS's for EOWe visitation (which had been slowly declining as SS became more involved in friendships and activities). I felt very strongly that I wanted a nursery for my baby, but I also didn't want SS feeling like we didn't want him anymore. So we did a slow transition from SS's room to baby's room. First we painted the room, but we left SS's furniture. Then, when SS was visiting us near the baby's due date, he helped us move his furniture into the basement. We took him shopping for a few items (lamp, bedding, etc.) to make his space more grown-up (his bedroom still had kiddy stuff so he was happy about moving to the big-boy digs). The baby slept in a basinet in our room for about a month, and during that time SS adjusted to his new basement space.

IMO, it is not appropriate for a 13yo to sleep on the couch or other public space. They need a bedroom (even if it's shared) so they can have privacy when needed.

I am very for all kids that live full time in the home gets a room period! It is not fair that the skid get a room at their moms and room at their dads IF a child that lives full time at one house doesn't have a room!

I would be creative and come up with a space for ss13. B/c he still needs a space too. But EOW it's enough to have a room sitting empty while a kid is crammed into the parents room or somehting. This is what I would have done if I had a kid with my now dh, we have 4 rooms and 1 girl and 4 boys, the girl has her own room b/c she is the only girl the 4 boys each share the other 2 rooms. All for of our boys would be sharing a room. The reason is simple, the skids are here EOW and only on those days would my son be sharing his room anyway. Kinda like a sleep over with each kid having a bed. Then the baby would have a room next to ours b/c I would have to get up with it. Then when the baby got old enough to sleep through the night and stuff we would see about seeing wanted to share with baby.

If it were me I would keep the baby in our room for the first few months, and then gradually transition the baby to sharing a room with DD3. I don't think it's right to give the baby the 13 year-old's room at this point. I agree that if the 13 year-old didn't have a room to begin with, that would be a different story, but it's just wrong to dislodge someone that age from their own room. It seems like setting up the teenager to resent the baby. Besides, babies do not need their own rooms. Young kids often share rooms, so it makes more sense for the 3 year-old and the baby to share. By the time the two little ones will want their own rooms the older boy will be over 18, then it's no problem.

The first year might be a little rough, and the 3 year-old will probably wake up in the beginning when the baby cries. However, the baby will eventually quiet down at night and the 3 year-old will probably get used to it before then. As a plus, in my experience it's good for kids to share a room. They complain and they fight, but it teaches them more complex social skills.

"The first year might be a little rough, and the 3 year-old will probably wake up in the beginning when the baby cries. However, the baby will eventually quiet down at night and the 3 year-old will probably get used to it before then. As a plus, in my experience it's good for kids to share a room. They complain and they fight, but it teaches them more complex social skills."

I 100pct agree with this...having had my sons share their room in their early childhood, it really helped develop a bond between them, as well as sharing and social skills. 3yr old light sleeper will adapt. Since when is it required a 3yr old or a baby have their own room anyways? A teenager is a different story IMO. I understand that he isn't there all the time but he's had this room this whole time. I'd make sure i grabbed the biggest room for the younger ones to share. You can also make the whole room kid friendly...vs having a teenager have to sleep in a winnie the pooh room kwim?

Ok here is the thing ss is 13 right? Your dd is 3 right? That only gives your ss 5 years to have this room right? Now we all know that more then likely he will slowly not be coming as much as he gets older right? Here is my suggestion, either keep the baby in your room for the first few months or so and then transition the baby to dd room. Then once your ss starts to not come as often slowly transition your baby or dd in his room as he is slowly transitioning himself out.

I think that would be a great way to get your baby it's own room and to keep ss from feeling like he has no space.

Not to be the voice of dissent - but when I was a kid I got the couch-bed at my dad's place and it never bothered me. I had my own room, but he ended up needing to rent it out for a little extra money. I was there about 3 months a year between summer and other school breaks. It was like that from about 9-14 or so when I stopped travelling to his place for the summer.

I could tell it bothered my dad for that to be the case, but I really didn't mind. It helped that he sat me down and explained the situation. 13 is old enough to participate in the discussion, I would think.

Lay it out: Your room is empty all week, and we have a baby on the way. We don't want to make you give up your space, but we are also concerned about DD3 getting sleep with a baby in the room. What do you think a solution might be? If he clearly hates the idea of giving up his space, then respect that. Otherwise he may have a compromise that works out better than expected.

I'd keep the baby in our room for the first several months, and then it would share with the 3 year old.

Yes, my skids have always had their own rooms at our home. FT and PT.

oi vey I have a question, does that mean that your skids always had their own rooms at your house even if they were PT while YOUR kids had to share?? Just wondering b/c I will have to disagree with that if my skids were pt and my kids had to share that would be so wrong as that is their home that they live ft at. To me it only matters is if that kid is ft living at that house they should get a bed room period. No sense in having a room sitting empty when I have a child that REALLY needs a room that lives there full time! Makes no sense.
See here is the thing that skids have a room at their moms and it is only fair that my kids would have a room at their moms house too.
But I also understand that skids need a space at their dad house as well but that doesn't mean they can kick kids out that live there full time it only means that the parents should be creative and come up with a space for them.

With us what we did was this when we moved into our current home it was only a 3 bed room however there was a storage room that could be easily turned into a bed room. So we turned it into a bedroom and put my son in there. The reason for that is b/c the 3rd bed room had the washer and dryer in it so we gave that room to the skids why? B/c there are only here EOW no need to have an empty room that was not being used 90% of the time. And YES all 3 of my skids SHARED that room. Did they mind no b/c they know they have their own rooms at their moms and at least they had a space here. They all have a bed and space.

My point is that it is not fair to make kids that live full time at one house to share a room if the skids all have their own rooms that are not being used but maybe 10% of the time. The skids are the ones that should share a room not the kids that are living there full time. makes no sense to have rooms empty most of the time when other kids are sharing most of the time nor is it fair to those kids that do live there full time. But at the same time we should find a space for our skids as well weather they share with their each other or not.

I turned my SD's room into a craft room. Before that, though, when she came in on a semi-regular basis, she shared a room with DD.
Personally, I think it's silly to set aside a whole room for a kid that is there only 4 days a month, when they can share with someone.

I don't have any bios, so I'm not facing the same issues as you. But we recently contemplated moving to a smaller place (in a house, considering apt to cut costs) and realized how difficult it is to find a 3 bedroom apt. A 2 bedroom yes but not a 3 bedrom (need an office).

So for the next two years, nine months (yes, I'm counting) I'm stuck with having an extra room that only gets used EOWE.

None of us ever had our own room . Not me growing up, not my DH, none of our kids. Having your own room is a luxury, not something that anyone needs. I'd say baby in your room and later with the toddler. If that does not work, maybe toddler and SS share and baby gets own room..?
This has come up before and got controversial, but I stand by what I have said previously, which is that no one will be damaged by sharing a room, not the bio kids and not the stepkids. In my opinion, a baby should not displace a 10 year old, no matter how many days they are there. Age should have priority here.

I just read some more and see that you are thinking of moving your toddler with SS and I think that is fine. I thought you were thinking of not having a room for him, as some other poster did a while back. Sorry.

Kind of O/T but i can't WAIT To turn what was once Prince Hygiene's room into my sewing/computer lab room/workout room!!

Prince Hygiene has been gone for two years now (come this Monday) but it's almost like I have to keep it open as a "shrine."

Can't wait to get that PH smell out of the room; lots of paint, fresh clean paint!!!

To start with we had a 3 bed house and 5 SKids visiting EOW and one night in the week. 3 older girls shared one room, youngest SS and SD shared a room until youngest SD was 8/9 when she moved into the older girls room as the older girls had reached an age where they visited less on schedule. This transitioned into youngest SD having one room and SS having the other when they were about 9 and 11. When my first baby arrived she slept in our room for a year. I would have done this anyway for the first 6 months as here in the UK they recommend that you keep the baby in your room at night as it decreases the risk of cot death, and actually it makes it a lot easier tending to the baby in the night if you haven't got to tromp into another room. We kept her with us for a year as we hadn't managed to move house yet.

In a way because SD and SS were not resident I was more sensitive about wanting them to feel they had their own space and that our house was their home too, not somewhere they just stayed so they could see their Dad. I would also have worried about creating negative feeling about my baby if DH's children had been displaced and relegated to sharing or a sofa bed when they had been used to having a room. Age is a factor too - I think children reaching puberty really need their own space - SS and SD could not have continued sharing. I would not have put DD in with SS or SD, because DD was my and DH's responsibility and it would have seemed unfair to inflict sleepless nights and early starts on them because we had chosen to have a baby. In the end we began putting DD in SS's room in a travel cot on the nights he was not with us, until DD was 16 months and we moved house.

I am now expecting my third baby. Currently SS13, SD15 (who now lives with us full time), DD4 and DS2 have their own rooms. When baby arrives he will be in our room for 6 months, then DS will share with DD, and new baby will have DS's room. I think sharing is great for younger children once their sleep patterns are settled and DD and DS will love sharing a room. I shared with my sister till I was about 9 and she was 7 even though there was another bedroom available. Overall I think that my children with DH have the overwhelming benefit of having their parents together, so any compromise involved in sharing a room is no big deal, whereas my SKids have all the politics and unsettling back and forth of divorced parents so that actually feeling they have their own place in our home is much more important to them. The only way we reflected PT/FT residence was in room sizes - DD4 has the largest bedroom because we always planned to put DS in with her, and because she is here all the time and is young she has the most stuff. SD15 and DS2 have the next largest rooms, SS has the smallest room.

Lots of luck with your new baby and I hope you come up with a workable solution.

Hi,

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