Wondering what our life will be like when the massive CS$$$ to BM ends
Hello to everyone here at STalk. It has been quite a while since I've posted on here, but I've been reading and commenting on posts from time to time. I just thought I'd share some thoughts with all of you (and get some opinions/feedback) on what is a type of "universal" topic for many of us here.
I was just thinking to myself how being a Stepparent (or a future stepparent, like myself) is very comparable to running a very, very long marathon. It takes endurance - a lot of it. It takes a strong person - a very strong one. Funny thing is, I've never personally run an actual marathon myself. But I have to wonder if this is what it feels like to run one.
I was also just updating my FDH's massive CS$$ to BM "countdown clock" in my own mind - and my mind started to wander with all the wonderful things we could do with an extra approx. $1,600/mo. to spend on US once the fskids age out.
Wow, FDH pays BM about almost $20,000/year. That's what some people earn after working a whole year (granted, this is a low-wage earner I'm picturing, but still....). So BM gets almost $20,000/yr simply for taking care of her OWN children only 50% of the time. Not a bad part-time gig, huh?
Countdown to the end of the massive CS $$$ (translation: legalized extortion) is as follows:
FSDstb17: 1 more year, unless she goes to school full-time after graduating high school, then it's 4 more years
FSSstb14: 4 more years, unless he goes to school full-time after graduating high school, then it's 7 more years
I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is faint, but it is there. I remember thinking that the CS$$ gravy train would NEVER end back when I thought about CS a few years ago. Fskids were FSD9 & FSS6 when I met my FDH back almost 8 years ago.
I can say with 100% honesty that I absolutely, positively cannot WAIT for the day that my FDH has to make his LAST AND FINAL CS payment to BM. That will be one of the GREATEST MOMENTS in my life - and in my relationship with my FDH. I know we will celebrate. We will probably WANT to celebrate for a few days or a few weeks...not just a few hours. I know this makes me sound like a callous, selfish, heartless bitch...but I don't care. What is that saying I read on STalk way back? "MY GIVE A DAMN'S BUSTED!!!" LOL!!!!!
I have a mental picture of what it will feel like when FDH makes that LAST CS payment to BM. It's like getting to the "finish line" of a marathon that you NEVER thought you'd be able to finish...but you did.
Anyone else care to share their feelings on this topic? Has anyone else out there actually experienced what it's like for the FINAL CS$ payment to be made to the BM/exW? What was it like? Was it as monumental as I am picturing it to be?
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Of course I do I have 2 years
Of course I do I have 2 years and 2 months for ss15 (I doubt he will go to college, bm will push for him to go but he won't)
ss14 we have 4 years left and he will go to college I'm sure however in our state we do not have to pay for it. YAY!
ss11 has 7 years even though he will be 12 next month he started school a year late.
I can't wait til it is over as it takes half of my dh's income. We will believe me go and party for a long time when that time comes. '
I can tel you that I will be partying even more when bm calls and wants somehting or just tell us about the boys when ss11 is 18. Why might you ask b/c my dh will tell her where to go and never to call again!!! This is his words, they will be adults and can call or some over and let us know if they want us to. This stemmed from when bm had a flat tire and she called her dad he told her he didn't have the money to help her. She is turn called her mom and her mom called her dad and chewed his ass...he told her to stfu and to never ever call him again! She has NO right to guilt him into anything.
See the reason the her dad won't help her is b/c of her attitude she thinks that the world owes her and she refuses to get a job. Her aunt and her mom give her money on top of CS and then try to make dh pay it. Her dad is a very nice man which is why he left her mom he couldn't stand her.
Yes, stepmomto2, I can
Yes, stepmomto2, I can TOTALLY relate to your situation!!!
I loved the term that you used "getting the SKs (or in my case, BM) off of their PAYROLL" - I say that ALL the time about BM here. I absolutely cannot WAIT for BM to be off of my FDH's payroll.
It's so frustrating to watch - BM just gets this automatic check every 2 weeks and has absolutely NO appreciation of or understanding of how HARD IT IS TO GO OUT AND WORK FULL-TIME AND EARN that money!! I cannot WAIT until she is not receiving this money anymore and has to TRULY BE SELF-SUFFICIENT. She has NEVER, not ONE DAY, EVER supported herself in her ENTIRE LIFE - and she is almost 45 years old!!!
I can so relate to this also
I can so relate to this also 5 more years for us and 1600.00 is back in our budget!!! I can't wait the best part is that my BF is finally putting up boundaries with the BM. So her entitlement that he must take care of her is ending as well. That is happening now and I love it as well!!!
I am also a BM and got child support but I always worked and could support myself with out it. My kids enjoyed us having the extra money and I now help the older two out with college. You can use CS for what it is intended to help the children if you don't solely live off of it.
My DH looks at it like a
My DH looks at it like a prison sentence... since SD is 13.5 and SS is 12.5 he says he's already served 1/2 of his term and is looking forward to his release (from CS and scumbag BMs that is)
I think about it sometimes too and it almost boggles my mind to think that we won't have to deal with the crap forever!
LOL stepmomto2!! They did
LOL stepmomto2!!
They did something similar on an episode of "Two and a Half Men" - did you see it? Alan (played by Jon Cryer) had a LARGE check made - like the "Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes" check you referred to - when it was time for him to give his final alimony payment to his ex-wife, Judith, because she was getting re-married. He hand-delivered the check to her house and his brother Charlie (played by Charlie Sheen) went with him, so that he could take a picture of the momentous event!!! Alan held it up with a huge smile and a thumbs-up, I think, when Charlie took the picture. Alan was also dancing around singing "No more ALIMONY" during the episode. It was EFFIN HYSTERICAL!
That episode, to this day, is one of the FUNNIEST ones I've ever seen - IMHO, of course!!!
Yeah, we thought it would be
Yeah, we thought it would be super-terrific-great when the last skid turned 18/graduated in June.
I kept telling DH that she and her mom would cook up a plan to keep the money flowing.
Guess what? I hate being right.
Super-stupid-low-IQ SD wants to attend a private 8 month course for $20K...and WE get to pay for it. (Don't ask.) So... we'll be paying about double the CS amount monthly to SD/BM because...wait for it... SD is getting STUDENT LOANS to cover the tuition and we just get to subsidize her. Our payments "should" go against the loan amounts, but we all know where it will REALLY go...
Ugh.
June was DH's last payment.
June was DH's last payment. What are we doing with the money? Adding to savings cause retirement is right around the corner, built a deck onto the back of the house, bought a new washer & dryer and going on a cruise in January! How does it feel? GREAT! We are helping both skids with college costs but nowhere what CS and medical were costing a month.
I am also shopping for new furniture. Still Have Hope is going to have a very nice Christmas after 16 years of scrapping by. Hang in there fellow SMs. It does end and it feels soooo good.
Ahhhh Still Have Hope!!!
Ahhhh Still Have Hope!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't WAIT to be in your shoes!! Just reading "June was DH's last payment" in your reply...I was like O.M.G.!!! So happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!! How does it feel? Do the skids know that the "Gravy Train" has ended for her??
16 years of scraping by, huh??? Yep, it'll be a little less than that in total for me, but still...
Mind if I ask you - what is your BM's situation? Is she self-supporting without the CS or will this termination of monthly embezzlement money destroy her??? If she's a good BM, then she likely used the money for the kids and had her own income & finances and knew how to financially plan, etc.... BM here...not so much. So I can't help but hope she "drowns" once the CS stops, figuratively speaking, of course.
All too happy to give you a
All too happy to give you a report on BM. She married 4 weeks after the divorce was final. Her DH has never held a job for more than 3 months running. A few years back her 24 year old stepson was living with them and not one of the 3 had a job. So DH's CS was the only $$ coming into a house with 3 adults and 2 kids. This went on for over a year.
Apparently when her DH worked it was under the table so he doesn't even qualify for Social Security or state disability which he tried unsuccessfully to get when he "hurt his back." BM is working a minimum wage job,has no health insurance or retirement (despite getting a 6 figure settlement in the divorce). Their house is getting ready to be foreclosed on. Phone, cable & internet service have been cut off. And smart one that BM is, she cancelled her auto insurance. Then totaled her car 6 weeks later. All this in the 2 months since CS ended.
I do feel sorry for her sometimes. Then I remember the vacations, new cars, new electronics, limo rides to Chuck E. Cheese. for skids birthday that she used the CS for and my sympathy evaporates.
"A few years back her 24 year
"A few years back her 24 year old stepson was living with them and not one of the 3 had a job. So DH's CS was the only $$ coming into a house with 3 adults and 2 kids. This went on for over a year."
^^^^^This is my WORST NIGHTMARE (other than FSDstb17 getting preggo) - and it is absolutely INSANE that something like this is even ALLOWED by the state to happen!!!^^^^^
Isn't it FUNNY how, if a father loses his job or whatnot, the state will not suspend or lower his CS payments without making him jump through hoops, etc...and the process takes YEARS and it is usually unsuccessful (in NYS anyway)? Yet a BM can literally just sit home, take on OTHER PEOPLE in the household who SHOULD be making an income, and use the father's hard-earned money to support OTHER ADULTS (instead of using the $$ to SUPPORT THE FATHER'S CHILDREN, like it's supposed to) and absolutely NOTHING is done by the state about it to punish HER or make HER correct the situation??? Can anyone say SEXISM and DOUBLE STANDARDS?!?
Yep, when you described your BM's current financial status - sounds EXACTLY like what will happen to our BM here, too. She is a financial disaster, her life is a mess and she has spent her entire 45 years on this planet being a BURDEN to others. 45 years old and she has NEVER, EVER in her ENTIRE LIFE worked a full-time job, obtained a degree or any advanced education (only finally got her GED in her mid 20's, after dropping out of high school preggo at 16 out-of-wedlock BEFORE she met my FDH, because FDH made her help him support HER child!!). She is truly a waste of a human being, is DEPENDENT upon everyone else but HERSELF and does NOTHING productive with her life - another shining example of the "entitlement" generation being raised in this country today.