**********The first email I sent to her:
BM1,
Before I get into this, I want you to know that FDH had NOTHING to do with this, in fact, he has NO idea I’m even writing you this email. I guess I just wanted to kind of clear the air, and try to make things better. First of all, I want to sincerely congratulate you and your boyfriend on your engagement! That’s great, and I’m so happy for you AND SD4! Your boyfriend seems like a very nice guy and SD4 talks about him a lot and really loves him!

I want to apologize for how you and I started out. That was not my intention and I sincerely apologize. That email I wrote you over a year ago (on my birthday) was VERY immature and something I truly regret. I’m very happy that you and FDH have a civil relationship now and are able to openly communicate on everything about SD4. I guess that’s why I’m emailing you, I want all of us to have that.

SS7 is a very nervous kid and I hate the fact that he has to go through living between two household that don’t really get along. Plus being at his grandparents house too, it’s a lot for 7 year old to handle. I don’t want SD4 to ever have to go through that. I’d like us all to be able to be friendly and talk to each other at events, and just make everything a much happier environment then what SS7 has to go through. All of us have SD4's best interest at heart and I believe that’s truly what’s important.

I respect you a lot as SD4's mother. I would NEVER want you to think that I’d EVER try and be a mom to her. She has a great mom, and I’d never, nor have I ever, even gone there. I’m just another person in her life who loves her and wants what’s best for her as do you, her father, and your boyfriend. She’s a great little girl and I just never want to see her go through anything that SS7 has.

I guess I’m just extending an olive branch here, if you don’t respond then I understand, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and really wanted to let you know. I’d really like to open up communication for the future and sincerely apologize for everything in the past.

***********Her response:
SM, I appreciate the email, your apology, and your congratulations on our engagement. It is a very exciting time for FDH, SD4 and I as a family. And although I have moved on and have let this go a long time ago now, you still need to realize what I was going through at the time things got off to such a bad start with you and I. I was losing a marriage, a husband, my child almost half the time, and what felt like my entire life. Although it was all for the best, you can see how I was feeling at the time you came into the picture. I sincerely hope you never have to experience anything like that in your life.

It puts my mind at ease to see how much you obviously care about SD4 and SS7. You are right, no child deserves to go through what SS7 has gone through, and I never want SD4 to feel like that about her parents and their situation. Her father and I have made great strides in our relationship when it comes to SD4 and I don’t see any reason why you and I can’t do the same. You and her father, and my bo boyfriend and I will be at many events and happenings with SD4 in the years to come so it would make it a lot easier for us and for SD4. My top priority in everything is that little girl. I want her to feel comfortable, taken care of, and secure in the fact that she has two parents (and families) she can come to with anything and that love her very much.

So again thank you for writing this and opening up the lines of communication.

***********My response:
Believe me BM, I understand where you’re coming from and I do realize that and that’s why I never blamed you for hating me. It was completely accepted and understood. And yes I saw how you were feeling and that’s why I let so much time go by before I wanted to contact you. I wanted to wait until I felt like it was the right moment and I felt like I could talk to you without you being mad at me for doing it

You have no idea how much I appreciate you saying that .. that it puts your mind at ease. I do care about them A LOT and have had a lot of stress over the past 2 years whenever SS7 isn’t with us. That’s the thing that I love, as does FDH, that we NEVER have to worry or think about where SD4 is or what she’s doing, if she’s being loved, when she’s with you. It’s such an amazing thing, which it shouldn’t even be that shocking as that’s what a parent should do but you know SS7's situation and the feelings that go along with that.

Yes, you and FDH have come a long way! I know it was a lot of work for both of you to get to where you are today and that’s why I wanted to let it go on longer before I contacted you too. I guess the thing is, there’s no reason for me not to like you! You’re a great mom to SD4 and she just idolizes you and FDH which is so great that she gets to have TWO awesome parents. I guess it’d be nice for everyone to just be on the same page. Of course it’s not going to be instantaneous, but this is a good start! I want to be able to communicate with you too! I know a few family’s who are in a similar situation and everyone gets along great. To the point where the step-mom & mom are talking about things with the kids and what not .. I don’t know if that’s something we’d ever do, but it’d be nice!

I guess bottom line, I want all the animosity gone! I know it’s not easy for you with everything that went on and I totally understand that. I just want a happy environment for SD4. She’s you and FDH's life, and is a big part of your boyfriend and mine too. I would love to see us all being able to sit with each other at events, have birthday parties together, and not have anyone separated or feeling awkward. Do you kinda get what I’m saying? I just want that happiness for SD4 and all of us. Because everybody knows it’s so much easier to get along with people rather than not. It’d just be such a breath of fresh air!

Also, please let me know if you feel that I'm ever overstepping my boundaries as a SM. I want to hear it from you, not FDH. It means more and is more understood when you tell me. Thanks!!

**************Her response:
I will be honest, there have been times that I have felt like you have overstepped your bounds a little, but I don’t know if that was just a product of the situation that was going on at the time and me feeling threatened or what. I do appreciate you being aware of that and not wanting to do it. I think if you have your own biological child you will understand where that comes from. You birthed this child and don’t want anyone else ever thinking that they are that child’s Mother!

I do understand what you are saying and I think everything you have mentioned is possible over time. I don’t want the animosity and my FDH and I just want a happy environment for SD4 too, so we are definitely all on the same page there.

It really is too bad about SS7 and I understand yours and your FDH's stress over his situation when he is with his BM. I am very thankful that I don’t have that situation with SD4. I also know she is always well cared for when she isn’t with me, which give me a big sense of relief when I have to be without her.

Thanks Again.

*******My last response:
I couldn’t agree with you more, and please just let me know in the future! Take care, and I’m sure we’ll see you soon!

SWEET SUCCESS PEOPLE! This felt so great!