SD8 spit dinner out in toilet
Okay, so I have a question, to see if I just have ridiculous expectations of how children should be reprimanded I suppose...
TOday we were going to the in-laws house for DH's father's birthday. Before we went, we cooked vegan sloppy joes (we are vegetarian over here & when the children come to visit, they eat vegetarian meals, and the sloppy joes takes almost identical to the real thing). DH cut SD8's sloppy joe in half since they were going to have food at the in-laws house too. SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE DAMN THING!!!
Anyway, DH took SS9 to the store to buy him a WII game for weeding the front garden for an hour (don't ask, i'm already pissed about this as well), and told SD8 to finish her food & go play. Well, the second he leaves, she shoves the rest of her food in her mouth & runs to the bathroom. I'm not dumb & 2 of the 4 Skids have pulled this trick on me before. So, I walked to the bathroom door, asked her if she spit out her food, she said "No." I had her finish going to the bathroom & told her not to flush.
She hadn't even went to the bathroom. She looked like a deer in headlights when I walked in (she had put her pants back on & was decent, of course). There in the toilet was her food. ARRRRGGGGRRRRR!!!! I told her to go to her room while I thought about a punishment.
In our house, if you don't finish your meal, you don't get any snacks. I told her as a consequencec, she cannot have any soda, she must skip a snack & must eat a full meal once we got to the grandparents house. She started crying & waited for her father to come back.
DH returns, agrees that she should not be spitting food out & agreed also that my punishment was in excellent taste. Once we arrive at the party, he has ALL 5 of the children eat a meal (within an hour of just eating at the house). Gives her water, but tells her she can't have BOTH cake & ice cream, that she can only choose one.
Okay, so to me, she didn't really get a punishment I don't think & here's why---
1. He made ALL the kids eat again.
2. They ALL had water with their food.
3. She still got to have cake. (She doesn't like icecream anyway...I've only seen her eat icecream once the entire time I've been their SM)
AM I OVER-REACTING HERE????? sooo irritated with his parenting some times...
- pseudo_stepmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't make them eat a vegan
I don't make them eat a vegan diet. They eat vegetarian when they are over. The sloppy joes are pretty much identical in taste here....they scarf them down like they're candy usually. The only reason they're vegan is because without the meat, there's no animal bi-products in the sauce I used, or the buns. They eat everything a non-vegetarian would minus the meat products. I make sure they have a nutritious, well-balanced diet when they eat here. I've been vegetarian for over 16 years & know how to prepare complete proteins when you have to twist around a recipe to make it vegetarian.
My DD prefers water over soda or juice any day. The only time soda is offered for a meal is when the skids are over, ironically. And when they go to my DH's parents house, the grandma gives them 10 pounds of sugary snacks, soda & junk food; whether or not they finish a meal.
**The issue here isn't the food..the issue is the fact that her dad wasn't there to monitor what she was doing, she didn't want to eat her food, so she spit it out. And then she lied. AND THEN she didn't even get a punishment for it. AND this is the second time I've caught her doing it. Who knows how many times she's done it without getting caught.
Well I guess our house is way
Well I guess our house is way different than others...if you spit food out or do not finish your meal, you get in trouble. You won't get a snack.
When his kids are over, there is a snack after every meal pretty much. When the skids are gone, if my DD doesn't finish her meal (and in the allotted time he sets) then DH sends her to her room.
I guess I just feel that if he's doing that with my DD, then I feel as though I have every right to know if his kids are actually eating their meals, before they get their desserts. And if they don't then they should get a punishment just as my DD does. The Skids are not any better than my DD.
My sister is vegetarian and I
My sister is vegetarian and I used to be the vegan sloppy joes taste almost identical, if you don't tell people they can't tell the differece so pseudo is right its not the food.
Thank you! I think people are
Thank you! I think people are getting hung up on the word "vegan" here & not the real issue I'm questioning.....
A. DH was not home. B. I'm
A. DH was not home.
B. I'm only following his suite, if he doesn't let my DD get away with spitting her food out, then I'll be damn sure his kids aren't getting away with it.
C. She didn't "throw it up", she spit it out so she didn't have to eat it.
D. DH prepared the meal, and told her to eat it. Not me.
E. If you're going to start taking personal jabs at myself or my parenting/step-parenting, I'd prefer that you didn't take up comment space on my blog posts at all.
I had to "interfere" because
I had to "interfere" because he left the house. I will not let SD get away with something that DD would not be able to get away with. No way. I don't care how "bitchy" or "controlling" i sound, it's not gonna happen.
P Since they were going to
P Since they were going to eat at grandma's why even bother with the burgers?
The punishment you put in place was enforced~ eat a full meal, no soda no snack.
I asked DH the EXACT same
I asked DH the EXACT same question....if they're just going to have a dinner at your parents house, then why are you even bothering with fixing a meal?
His response was: "because I don't want them loaded up on sugary snacks & dessert & sodas"
The food spitting issues was
The food spitting issues was at my house, and then we went to the party afterwards. And I don't really care what the skids eat when they're at their BM's home, I could really care less. My house does not have any eggs or meat. They eat vegetarian meals when they're at my home. That's the way it is and will always be. If they want to eat a greasy hamburger or something, they'll have to walk to the store and buy it with their own money & eat it there because I don't even like it in my house. I can't even stand the smell of it.
Of course they ate other stuff when they were at their grandparents house, I don't care one bit, and I never told them they couldn't eat meat when they're at their grandparents house. My DH, myself and my DD are all vegetarians. I don't expect them to grow up to become vegetarians, and could really care less about what they're eating.
The double standard is very strong in our home, if my DD would have even THOUGHT about going to the bathroom to spit out her food, he would have taken her snacks away for like a week. Her consequences for not eating are VERY strict, much more than for his own children...I usually refuse them going to the bathroom when they're eating for this reason alone, I tell them to go beforehand to avoid this issue.
**Again, I'm not sure why my personal dietary choices are the main topic of discussion here, she didn't spit it out because it tasted gross or because it was vegan/vegetarian, she spit it out because her dad went to the store and she wanted to be done eating so she could go play.
I guess I should have been
I guess I should have been more clear in the original post...my DH is not my DD's BF. He is extremely strict with my DD & his kids get a free pass when they come over. Worst part is, that when they come over, DD STILL has these expectations, when his kids don't.
I feel bad for my DD when these kinds of issues come up. He's always bitching at her at the dinner table. ALways on her ass about "eat your food" "eat your food" "DD, eat your food"
He won't even give her a drink now until she's half-way through her meal. And 99% of the time, she's drinking water. It's not like it's soda filling up her stomach....I guess I'm super picky about meals because he has made such a HUGE stink about them with my DD...
Why are you allowing this?
Why are you allowing this? Put an end to it ASAP. Tell him since he won't treat the kids fair, you will deal with your child he will deal with his.
If this continues, you daughter may grow to resent you.
I don't "allow" it to happen.
I don't "allow" it to happen. I consistently tell him, "if she doesn't want to eat then she can get down & go in her room, you don't have to sit there & nag at her the entire time she's eating". It's a constant battle between us.
When his kids are over, there
When his kids are over, there is a snack after every meal pretty much. When the skids are gone, if my DD doesn't finish her meal (and in the allotted time he sets) then DH sends her to her room.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have never understood the drama of forcing a kid to eat a meal. If they want a small snack after a meal, they will eat the meal. If they don’t, then they don’t get a snack. Why punish a kid that is not hungry?
I just don’t get it. My DH used to be like this with SS. SS could get in trouble at school, get suspended from school and so on and so on, and DH would not say a word. But, but gosh, if SS did not eat a full plate of food for dinner, you would think DH was getting on him for murder. It was very strange and he did stop once I pointed out to him how absurd it was.
I say if a kid is hungry he will eat, if not then he does not eat and will not get a snack. I think this is one of the hills “I” would not die on. Good luck.
I don't get the food wars.
I don't get the food wars. If you're hungry eat. If not, don't. Once you're full, stop eating no matter how much is left on your plate.
There's no way I'd give a kid their left over dinner for breakfast.
I feel bad for my DD when
I feel bad for my DD when these kinds of issues come up. He's always bitching at her at the dinner table. ALways on her ass about "eat your food" "eat your food" "DD, eat your food"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Then don't let him treat your DD like this! I see a lot of this on the site and don't understand it either. Tell him to back off.
Seriously, I picture the "no
Seriously, I picture the "no wire hangers!!" tirade coming next. You're DH needs to lay off, pretty much all experts agree that you should NOT FORCE children to eat, if she's not hungry, who cares? No snacks later. Aren't there days when your DH is not hungry, doesn't feel like eating? He needs a chill pill.
I'm not force-feeding anyone.
I'm not force-feeding anyone. I said, DH will make my DD finish her food in a certain amount of time. If she doesn't finish it, she doesn't get any dessert and goes to her room. He sets the damn timer on the stove. I have a problem CONSTANTLY with him getting on her ass about it. It's a CONSISTENT area of disagreements between my DH & I.
I am not "ALLOWING" anything.
I am not "ALLOWING" anything. It's a huge issue that is constantly in our arguments. He is too strict with her & when/what she's eating....it's a constant battle. When I feel he crosses the line, I tell him. He has issues because he has taken over the role of her "father" instead of Step.
I am not focused on his kids. But I will not let his kids slide with something that my daughter would be in trouble for.
As I read this, I can't help
As I read this, I can't help but have this come to mind. Everyone has different ways of raising children so I can't comment on how they feed the kids and when, its there household.
What I do notice that bothers me, and bothered me in my household until SS stopped coming around is the different rules for different children. AND the major thing that bugs me is, no consistency inthe parenting.
If a child, whether Bio or Skid spits out their food into the toilet and lies about - they need to be taught that that is wrong, especially the lying. Children need to be taught manipulative behavior is not rewarded, again whether bio or skid.
Inconsistent punishment, again whether bio or skid, these are children we are talking about. They need boundaries and consequences. Yes, there are different rules at different houses - different menus - different tv shows. they'll get accustomed to this. But the one thing they should know as a standard wherever they go is that manipulating and lying is not acceptable.
That is why kids are turning out the way they are today. I get so on fire about this. We have friends with children - only from their own marriage - that do this too. Their children are learning all sorts of behaviors that are going to kick them in the ass when they get into the real world. If children are our future - I'm scared to death. When we were kids, a good old fashioned come to jesus and an ass whoopin' was in order if you did this crap. Double if you lied.
I think you are one of the
I think you are one of the few people who actually saw behind the "vegan/vegetarian" diet and saw that it was a parenting/double-standard issue. Thank you for actually READING the post & commenting on something I was hinting about. It is soooo incredibly hard for my DH & I to get on the same page with parenting....it seems what his kids can get away with one day will make him freak out the next day when my DD does it.
Inconsistent punishment. Yes! That was the root of my frustration.
I would focus on that with
I would focus on that with him. Who cares if the kid eats vegan or not - they'll eat when they get hungry enough.
I wouldn't give a rats ass if skids eat or not - have food available, but not your job to make them eat their veggies.
I would be more pissed and talking to DH about the inconsistent punishments amongst the kids (which trust me, will bring bigger issues amongst the kids later). My issue would have been not much of a punishment for the bigger issue of sneaking and lying.
It sounds like you do realize that HE should be the one punishing HIS kid, but when you are the adult in charge - he should stand behind the punishment you lay out if there are any infractions in your care. Kids, I'll be redundant, need to realize, whether BIO or SKID - when an adult says something, you respect it and do it. They need to understand that sneaking and lying is NOT ACCEPTABLE, despite your mommy & daddy getting a divorce and now you want to manipulate everything to your advantage.
Aw I just want to hug you. I
Aw I just want to hug you. I feel like I've been defending myself for the past couple of comments I've had to put out there. You get it! Yessss...
I would love to get into counseling so we can get another person's perspective on our issues. I absolutely don't want a thing to do with punishing his kids. I barely want anything to do with them in the first place. They already don't like me telling them what to do, but when they get something taken away because I noticed it when DH was not at home (as minor as a dessert for heavens sake), it's just going to get worse.
I was simply asking originally if he had my back when it was all said & done...and I don't feel like he kept his end of the bargain. I feel like he shouldve sat her down & said "look, you spit your food out after I told you to eat it. You can skip the desserts at the party" That's it. That's all. I didn't want anything more from him.
A week ago, He made a huge deal about what my DD does when we're not looking is more important than what she does when we are. I think this is a prime example of that...but he didn't see it as that. He saw it as his kids are only over for a short period of time, so they don't have time to have consequences like DD does.
One thing I've learned - is
One thing I've learned - is NEVER defend yourself or say you're sorry if it's truly how you FEEL.
"He saw it as his kids are only over for a short period of time, so they don't have time to have consequences like DD does."
MY DH was just like this and honestly felt this way - flashback 2 years ago. Now, sitting here today with an 18yr old SS that we have not had contact with for a year, who was arrested at 16 for dealing and using drugs, my DH realizes the err in his ways and parenting. Every phone call could be the call where he has overdosed.
My DH and BM parented the same way - out of guilt and instant gratification and pacification. It started with the little things several years ago (sneaking, lying - about very minor little things). SS basically knew he could get away with murder and daddy & mommy would bend over backwords to be the "coolest" parent, to say - its OK baby, your only human. So, little infractions turned into bigger ones, and kept getting bigger and bigger. Lying about doing homework, etc. But because this child did not have consistent boundaries and consequences - he has no respect for rules, anyone or anything, including himself. He lies about everything and wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in his toothless ass head. Yes, he is missing teeth due to his drug use and drinking at 18.
I have seen it many times with SS and our friends' children - they have inconsistent boundaries and consequences, they push tin a little more every time - full well knowing they can get away with murder. The lines they cross get bigger the older they get and the next thing you know you have an out of control teenager with everyone sitting back going "maybe I should have been a little harder" - YOU THINK?????
I still am of the opinion, it's not about the food - it's about the frickin lying and sneaking. It's about if DD did the same thing, your DH would probably come unglued. What issues will this give to DD? Daddy doesn't like me as much?? So then maybe because I have daddy issues and want a mans positive attention, I do stupid things. Next thing you know, I'm a drunken teenage girl knocked up.
I know this scenario is extreme, but it happens every day because PARENTS ARE REFUSING TO BE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree. I wouldn't punish
I agree. I wouldn't punish for not wanting to eat the food - I would stress the "spitting in the toilet" then lying about it.
If the kid didn't want to eat - all she should have been able to say is I'm not hungry, or I'll eat when we get to grandparents.
Running/sneaking into the bathroom, spitting and lying - that would be my issue. But maybe I'm a little old school.
I didn't realize I was so
I didn't realize I was so confusing in my initial post with what the real issue was. I didn't realize I would have to repeat it over & over again either. Sheesh....
Exactly, if you read my post,
Exactly, if you read my post, what I was saying. Who gives a rats ass about the food - it was the sneaking in and spitting in the toilet, then lying about.
Then, no punishment what so ever, which taught her in essence - ha ha I can do whatever I want and run to daddy because he won't punish me, even when I lie - ha ha what else can I get away with.
Then....this turns into the other kids getting punished for things that she doesn't, then you have the kids resenting eachother - which will bring on a whole new ball game for everyone.
Her DH is thinking, trust me "food, so she didn't eat it - at least she ate at grandparents". He's overlooking the sneaking and lying because how could his precious little angel do that?
I don't think it's wrong to
I don't think it's wrong to tell the children that if you don't eat, then you're not having dessert. Is this like the new form of child abuse or something?
He uses a timer??? How do
He uses a timer??? How do you keep from knocking him in the head with it?
Does the timer come out when his kids are there?
The ONLY time he uses a timer
The ONLY time he uses a timer when the skids are over is when my DD is one of the last 2 that are taking over 45 minutes to finish a meal. It's pretty obnoxious. I would just LOOOOOOVE to go to counseling with him...
"I would just LOOOOOOVE to go
"I would just LOOOOOOVE to go to counseling with him..."
You're a better woman than I - because in your shoes.....
I WOULD JUST LOOOOOVE TO SHOVE THAT TIMER UP HIS A$$
OP are the kids free to say
OP are the kids free to say they aren't hungry or don't like something? Or are they made to eat no matter what?
(EOW) When the skids are
(EOW) When the skids are over, they can say they're not hungry or they don't like it & the response he gives them is "well then you don't have to eat but you're not getting any snacks."
When it's just us & the skids are gone, he'll say "you can go to your room if you don't want to eat & no snacks".
If they don't like it, they don't have to eat it when the skids are over. They just will be threatened with no dessert. And then lo-&-behold, he will magically forget to give them ALL dessert if it's one of his kids that didn't finish. If my DD really doesn't want to eat something, she won't but he'll have her go hang out in her room for the rest of the night.
My 2c worth is this..... The
My 2c worth is this.....
The child did not want to eat. So why force her? I would have taken her plate away and told her "Fine, you have finished. Not treat though because you didn't finish your dinner so you must be full."
And talk to your DH. He cannot have 2 sets of rules.
People get so tied up in the drama of mealtimes. Eat or don't eat. Nothing until the next meal. If you make a fuss you go to your room to cool down. Simple. I can accept that not all food is to someones taste for instance I would not actively choose asparagus. I have tried it and don't like it. Now my oss has decided thaty cheese makes him hurl. Umm no. You have mac and cheese and cheese on pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches. When I make a dish cassarole with breadcrumbs and cheese on top do not pick it off and say it makes you sick (he is 20 BTW) because that is a load of crap. I used to argue with him and point out the inaccuracies in his decision. But at the end of the day he misses out and if he doesn't want to have good strong bones, NMP (Not My Problem).
Forcing kids to eat meals becomes a control issue (as I found out). The next time you serve up food for her give her half the amount you would normally give her. And speak to your DH about how unfair it is if he doesn't have the same rules for everyone.
I didn't force her to do
I didn't force her to do anything. She ate a whole freaking hamburger at DH's parents house. If she wasn't hungry then she wouldn't have eaten then either.
I totally agree with you that it is becoming a control issue. My DH loves to control everything. It can get annoying. But it becomes a real problem when I have to tell his kids the same thing he tells my DD. Because then...it is getting real old real fast.
And I have spoken to DH about having the same rules with everyone. A plethora of times. We still keep coming back to the same issue that his kids aren't there long enough to have the same punishment that my DD would get...
I suppose in a backwards way
I suppose in a backwards way of thinking sometimes I enforce his silly rules with his kids so that eventually (one day), HOPEFULLY he'll see how silly some of them are.
I mean, I'm not going to let his kids get away with spitting food out cuz they want to go play when DD has to clean her plate the rest of the time (when the skids aren't here). That doesn't solve the issue either. And neither does trying to discuss it so far, cuz he just gets defensive and a huge fight ensues....
I dunno..what's the solution here? counseling? an outsider's perspective?
Your post made me laugh - 20!
Your post made me laugh - 20! My SS was 16 when this happened. Which is not 20, but old enough to know better.
We have a rule in our house - I'm not a short order cook. I will do my best to make something everyone will eat, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna' cook 2 - 3 separate meals.
My SS, at 16 also had issues with cheese. Couldn't eat my homeade broccoli,rice and cheese dish that he had eaten on multiple occasions without issue and seemed to enjoy as he had extra helpings. He requested that DH order him a pizza because he was "lactose intolerant" - hello assbag - pizza, cheese, hello? And you're drinking a glass of milk while you're asking for the pizza order?
Nice....real nice.....GROW UP JACKWAGON!
The issue....is your husband
The issue....is your husband is a control freak jerk. Bottom line. And he's nasty to your child-I agree that I'd be shoving that timer up his has. NO WAY IN HELL will a man mistreat my children with unfair rules and expectations.
My poor neighbor moved in w/her ahole boyfriend that PURPOSELY knocked her up-YES ladies it happens the other way around. He mistreats her kids w/unfair rules all the time and babies his 'princess'. Now, her 14yr old son wants to go live w/dad-who is ALWAYS been a troubled guy-because he cant' stand the obnoxious control freak jerk of a boyfriend mom has. Everytime I see that ahole I want to punch him in the face.
She's stuck, financially-with a baby and unhappy. Assholes like this should never be steps.
OK, I'm confused, please
OK, I'm confused, please enlighten me. How can a man PURPOSELY knock a woman up?
I know women can trick men by not taking birth control and fibbing about it. But how can a man trick her into knocking her up?
Didn't she know, unprotected sex = baby? Just confused.
I am thinking he could punch
I am thinking he could punch holes in the condom?
Didn't think of
Didn't think of that...thanx.
But as a woman, when I was single - I ALWAYS took care of the birth control. Because ultimately, it would be me getting pregnant, so I'll make sure. Maybe I'm a control freak, but I brought my own
Yes, but not all women
Yes, but not all women do-that carries responsibility but we can say the same for women that pull the "i'm on the pill or iud" and magically get pregnant. It's BOTH parties responsibilities. And lets face it-screw ups happens-otherwise we likely wouldn't have as many kids and skids to deal with
One life...unprotected sex
One life...unprotected sex doesn't necessarily mean baby....i've had unprotected sex for years now w/no baby
When I was married that was my main method also and always worked absolutely fine. Millions of people use withdrawal and charting, etc with success.
Millions of people also are negatively affected by artificial forms of birth control. Millions of people can have failure rates no matter what method they use.
There are tons of ways a man can sabotage...holes in condoms, it slipping off, not wearing one when they say they are... not pulling out in time when its the pre-agreed form of protection and not saying anything. She was definately stupid about it to trust him-but he did sabotage her. He wanted a woman to help take care of his child he has 50pct of the time....that now my FRIEND takes the slack up for while her kids are treated like shit.
'
Sound awfully familiar to tons of cases here....you really think women are the only devious ones when it comes to tricking men into getting pregnant???
Well, with unprotected sex,
Well, with unprotected sex, there is a pretty good chance of pregnancy. Most people don't chart as accurately as they should and there are different variables. AND YES, I know accidents can happen.
And I guess as far as men sabotaging, I can somewhat see your point.
But quite frankly, maybe I'm callous, but as a woman, it will ultimately be you carrying the baby and having the baby. As a woman, if you don't want children, take control of the BC so that you know that you know.
Again, both sexes can use the
Again, both sexes can use the same argument. I agree, I think she was foolish to trust him. But he did sabotage her. In the end it's the man that end up w/CS so HE should also take control of his fertility. It's really both parties responsibility.
And honestly I know this is off topic-but correct usage of withdrawal or charting in reality is no less successful then artificial birth control. It all depends on the users. I explicitly trust my man to know what to do and he knows this. Can it fail? Sure...so can artificial birth control. That is part of life.
Example-with my exh-we used
Example-with my exh-we used charting/withdrawal for years while dating and married. Never any issues-he knew exactly how to do things.
I did try pills, iuds, condoms etc-it went very bad. We did try for our first child, so nobody tricked anyone there. I then tried the iud and had it removed after some time do to severe complications. So again we agreed back to old methods. During this time our marriage and his abuse was getting worse-i had told him I wanted a divorce. I wanted him out! Yes on rare occasion we had sex still until the last year b4 divorce....he knew i was planning on out-so in the midst of a honeymoon phase he 'accidentally' slipped a 'drop' or so he says..after I'm late. But I had seen him pull out???
And he NEVER slipped up before-that wasn't overly excited.
Guess who wasnt' surprised or devasted? Him...guess who was surprised as hell and upset about it? Me. Kept me there around 2 1/2yrs...made it harder to leave for sure.
Did he purposely do this? My gut feeling is yes but I can't be positive, adn I take responsibility for it.
I agree with this. I have
I agree with this. I have seen kids take 2 hours to eat a meal, with their parents cajoling, threatening, begging. Not a good meal time for anyone! A timer takes all of that angst away, if you have kids that do this. No begging, no tears (from the parents at least) and the little buggers aren't going to starve to death. I don't get where it is so abusive to use a timer.
Ok, so the baby wasn't
Ok, so the baby wasn't planned. Why is she staying with a man who mistreats her other kids? I will never understand that.
Ok gotcha-I thought we had
Ok gotcha-I thought we had deviated back on topic. It was MY neighbor. Why she stays? Finances, quite simple. And overcontrolling men have a way of knocking at your confidence in yourself to make it on your own. BUT back on topic.
I LIKE the timer idea myself, I might even try it. My youngest kid will take forever to eat-I did too as a kid. But basically everybody else could get up and go play and I couldn't. That was MY punishment
I actually DO use a timer at breakfast so we can leave the house for school on time-might try it for dinner to see if I can speed it up. Even though his 'dessert' consists of a goghurt he also has that no dessert after dinner if you don't eat. I've always had power struggles w/him w/food. He does better each time. It's a constant work/process...sometimes you apply strongly-others you back off a bit. I try different ideas. I don't want him to have 'food issues'.
Rules need to be the same for all kids, the OP husband reasoning about not the same because they're not there as much is ABSURD.
This whole post has turned
This whole post has turned crazy-think about it LOL
I am going to go make dinner, and make sure that DH stays by my side the whole time and does not go to the store, so he can make sure that the kids eat because obviously I can't be trusted to manage the little darlings alone. Then I am going to set the timer to 10 minutes, because I am ready to clean the damn kitchen and get everyone out of there. If people aren't finished eating, they can go spit it out with my permission, but just to make sure everyone is ok I am going to make individual appointments with a therapist. I shall then proceed to have unprotected sex with my husband, who I may or may not have wear a condom with holes in it for the "danger factor" even though it doesn't matter because I have had a hysterectomy and he has had a vasectomy. I may also set a timer on the sexual activites also, but there will be nothing I will have to spit out.
Not making fun of anyone, really, it just struck me funny how we are all OVER the place on this thread. LOL
I know. I pretty much gave up
I know. I pretty much gave up trying to sort it out & keep it flowing logically.
This obviously a pure and
This obviously a pure and simple disciplin and accountability issue of a BioDad who will not parent adequately when the Skids are with him. Non punishments that are packaged as punishments are worse than no punishment or accountability at all IMO.
The kid who spit food in the toilet should have gone without for hte rest of the day and spent the day at GrandMa and GrandPa's standing with her nose in a corner while everyone else enjoyed themselves.
We are talking about an 8yo here, not a 4yo.
As for hating your skids. I don't see that at all. I see a situation where you hate their behavior and how your DH deals with it. I do not hate my Skid though there have been many times over the 17+ years that I have been his dad that I have not liked his behavior. Rather than ignore it I insisted on being an equity parent and parenting him in a responsible manner as his confidant, advocate, mentor and disciplinarian regardless of what his SpermIdiot thought about it and often even when my wife and I did not see eye to eye on parenting.
My marriage, my house, my Skid, my rules. Fortunately my wife and I are usually on the same page. When we do get to a point when we absolutely do not agree when we are both prestent of course as the CP BioParent she gets veto rights. When I am the only one present, I discipline as I see fit.
I would recommend that you take the same approach and when your DH refuses to disciplin effectively, you do it.
All IMHO of course.
Best regards,
LMAO, that is SO right, this
LMAO, that is SO right, this thread IS all over the place, good Lord!