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I'm selfish, and I know it.

livizzle's picture

Submitted by livizzle on Thu, 07/07/2011 - 9:11pm

I wish that DH didn't have kids.
I wish that we were able to spend this time in our marriage (we were married in April) as "newlyweds".
I wish that I didn't feel so abandoned when skids do something "amazing", and it's "kids this, kids that".
I wish that I wasn't selfish, and I could accept all of it better. After all, I knew what I was getting into, right?

SD9 has been with DH's mom this week at her church's revival. It's one of those fire-and-brimstome, "if you don't go here, you're going to hell" churches. SD called DH crying, saying that she'd been saved. DH started his "isn't this wonderful" crap and asked me how I felt. I told him that I thought it was great IF she knew what it meant. Why do I say this? Skids have never really been raised around religion. I took them to VBS last week, and at the end, SD didn't even understand why some of the kids were being baptized. Then, DH wants to get all pissy with me because I "hurt his feelings." Whatever.

I dunno. It just gets on my nerves. That is all.

Comments

SoTired1's picture

Submitted by SoTired1 on Thu, 07/07/2011 - 10:16pm

It gets on your nerves because (perhaps) truly deep down inside it's not that you're solely selfish, it's that you're actually jealous of his kids (jealous that you have to share his love). Don't be that way, those are his children & he loves them (unconditionally).It should make your heart feel warm to watch him get all excited about his babies, because if you have children with him it's indicative of how he'll be with your children. The love your DH feels for you is not comparable to what he feels for his children so you don't have a real reason to be jealous or to feel selfish (I mean really, he married you). Don't be mean . . . your DH got all pissy because of your apparent negative tone used about his daughter (that's not nice). Try to only say kind things about his babies (because no matter how old they become, they'll always be [his] babies & you don't want to get in the middle of that). You'll just make matters sour between the 2-of-you. Dirol
SN: I know I would never place anyone before my babies as they are my number one concern. There's no way this (mother hen) would tolerate someone making snide remarks about my babies, so try to be nice & treat your DH the way you'd want to be treated if the shoe were reversed. Wink

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 8:44am

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

joanie's picture

Submitted by joanie on Thu, 07/07/2011 - 10:27pm

it sounds like something I would openly mock...being convinced to hop to someone else's beliefs after only one visit?

at any rate instead of letting the resentment slip out here and there you could probably just sit him down and say that you want to be a newlywed, you want to enjoy your time with him, and express what you're feeling

I don't think you sound jealous at all more like you're holding back a lot of sadness and anger and letting it come out in says that aren't helping

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:52am

I agree with you livizzle, I would have THOUGHT the same thing, but probably wouldn't have SAID it to DH. It bothers me when these fire and brimstone churches have kids crying about "being saved" What the hell did a 9 year old girl do that she needed to ask for forgiveness and be "saved from her sins"??

I guess my point I wanted to get across was, let DH be proud of SD, even if you think it's ridiculous. Trust me there are times that DH will tell me something about skids and I just inwardly roll my eyes but outwardly smile and say "Hey, that's great!"

Funny thing, I actually saw a bumper sticker on a truck this morning that said "I was born right the first time" and it cracked me up. And seriously I am a Methodist, all for God and church and such, I just don't like the right wingers that (in my humble opinion) act all fanatic and crazy as I think they scare people away, rather than bring them to religion.

All righty then, I'll get off my religion high horse and get on with my day.. have a good one!

livizzle's picture

Submitted by livizzle on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 8:15am

I cannot stand MIL's church. Those people are the most judgemental people I have ever seen at a church. I was badgered by a woman there about if I was "truely saved" because I was brought up Lutheran. Wtf? It never bothered me as much, until DH and I were looking for someone to marry us. The preachers were all VERY open about not wanting to marrying us because DH has been married before. Heck, the members had a heated argument over getting an indoor toilet because some thought it was "too modern".

I know that I SHOULDN'T have said that to DH. I'm sorry for that, but I'm not sorry about thinking someone shouldn't be saved if they have no idea what it means.