I hate it when SD talks about BM
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It just makes my blood BOIL to hear, "at my mom's house..." or "my mom..." ANYTIME THAT B!TCHS' NAME is brought up AT ALL I want to duct tape my SD's mouth shut!!
It is SO HARD to not say, "at your mom's house everything is stolen. How wonderful" or "your mom is a lying cheating thieving b'tch and I wish she would drive off a cliff."
It is SO HARD to not just say "stfu, I don't want to hear that whore's name in my house ever!"
And another thing I can't stand is that when SD comes back from BM's house sounding JUST LIKE her bitchy, smart ass of a mother.
Oh yes. I'm ashamed at some
Oh yes. I'm ashamed at some of the things that have slipped out of my mouth regarding BM during heated moments with SS13 who is with us full time:
- You bet if I didnt have $5 for gas money to see my kids, I'd be off my ass and at McDonald's to earn some damned money.
- here let me show you your mother's sworn statement where she details her relationship with her girlfriend when you were only 5 years old and she was kissing the woman she says she is only friends with at your family home before she decided to leave you and your dad to go be a lesbian
- oh, your mom couldn't cine to your awards ceremony because of the restraining order... Or you think maybe that's just another lie do she doesn't have to go out if her way.
Not my best moments, by any means.
I can so relate.
The problem is the skids know
The problem is the skids know it pisses us off so they do it more. My SS used to run around saying his mom was the best mom in the world and I finally snapped on FDH about it. He lost it with SS and told him she abandoned them and what a POS move that was. He also told SS that she never shows up one time it was over 6 months for her EOWe. Then he pointed out all she ever does is take him for fast food because she can't cook and buys him crap at walmart. She doesn't have a house or even a room of her own let alone one for him. Nasty little skid still went around being nasty to me and telling me how much better his mom was because he knew it pissed me off and FDH when he heard about it later.
They wonder why we get so upset with them and they never want to acknowledge the crappy things they do to us.
I also have had my low points
I also have had my low points last year I got into a car accident with DBs vehicle it was a write off well during the winter time I go out to start our new vehicle SD6 says why are you doing that you cant drive..? I politely asked her who told her that. Of course SD says her mom said that. I snapped and told SD she should probably ask her mother why it is that she lies about everything... A few days later I got an apology from BM stating she had no told SD that I did not know how to drive... again not proud of it but man some things sure do get me fired up!
Ha ha. I have one of those
Ha ha. I have one of those faces where everything I'm feeling shows no matter how hard I try to hide it. So, I'm lucky that my skids have seen "the face" whenever their mother's name is mentioned and they know better than to continue harp on on about her. I try to smile and look interested, I really do, but I just know that my face is screaming "shut the f&*k up".
Ha ha, me too; I have The
Ha ha, me too; I have The Face. I get so tired of the BS coming out of my skids it must look like I want to puke half the time. It's their way of saying, "I know you're BETTER than my BM, but the h*ll if you'll ever hear it from me"
Comments like that made me just disengage and not want to spend any time around them and have to listen to what that gold digger was up to now.
It is difficult not to vent
It is difficult not to vent to the Skids about the toxic half of their gene pool. That is a given. However, by reigning in your tongue you actually are in a better position to give the Skids the example and support they need in dealing with the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool.
Stick to the facts and try to keep it as free of emotion as possible. If in fact BM is a thief when the Skids talk about something at BM's house preface it with a platitude then ask where it came from and when she got it. "Wow, that sounds really nice. Where did she get that?"
As the Skids get older you can introduct facts in an age appropriate manner. Some that we have used well over the years are "No son, your father is not struggling to feed you three younger (also out of wedlock half sibs by two more baby mamas). Your grandparents take care of them for your dad so you don't need to worry about them or about the money that your dad pays for your CS." Or .... "Son, there must be plenty of money. Your dad is always doing modifications to his low rider and going on snow boarding trips.Right?"
As our son (my SS) got older he would do his own research on the SpermClan in our Custody/Visitation/Support drawers in our home office filing cabinets.
Facts are not good or bad. They are just facts. Stick to the facts and the Skids will figure it all out in time.
one of the benefits my SD has
one of the benefits my SD has selective mutism is that we know nothing about BM...
We will never hear what happened at home, what they have done during the weekend, or holoidays, etc.
I just can't stand the fact
I just can't stand the fact that BM is even on this planet at all. I feel like she ruined my fiance's life and intentionally tries to do so all the time... she makes it her job, because YUP as you may have guessed she doesn't work. What a shock. She now has a second kid, what a shock... To ensure she will still be getting government bonuses.. She makes me sick honestly. And I know without kids its easier to judge. But I would do anything for my kids to have what they need.. And this woman doesn't.
My SD7 looks up to me a lot thankfully. Not to toot my own horn, but I am the closest person to normal that she actually has in all her family.. And she sees that I work hard and in ways I can tell she respects me.
Hopefully with all of your help out there I can hang in there and maybe one day it will get easier.