BM makes me very upset........any advice besides ignore her?
Here goes my rant......
I am a good step mom, I try to do all I can for sk and bio children...I try not to treat them different...but I also do not try to be sk's mom either, they have one of those. BM is a biotch....i have tried and tried to make nice with her so we all can get a long. I have met with her twice now for over 3.5 hours and every time i think all might be ok its NOT.
I added the kids to my health benefits when DH and I got married, to help with cost of medical for all involved. She is angry about that and says she has no intentions of using "Her benefits" (But yet she expects DH to pay 66.34% of all not covered medical expenses)
She will Not allow me to be added to the pick/up drop off list for school, because "she does not know me" (we are waiting on court date for this among other things as well)
I know I should just ignore it, its much easier said than done. It hurts my feelings and i am worried it will effect my realationship with sk's. She does all she can do to undermine me and make me always the bad guy. And the divorce was not because of me, she left and wasnt sure if she wanted to be a mom or wife and left kids with DH. Until she could figure out what she wanted. DH was nice in divorce and let her have anything and everything she wanted becuase he did not want sk's to suffer or their life style to change more than what it had already.
We live only 3 blocks from her, my husband goes to all school events with kids and never misses his parenting time and request more all the time but its denied. No drugs, alchol or abuse ever but she wants all the control. I am at my whits end and dont know what to do. she makes me sick to my stomach!!!!!!!!!
Help please.....my sk's are young 9 and 5 and have a really long way to go with the BS!!!!!!!
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they have to agree on school
they have to agree on school decisions and that is what that is considered. the funny thing is BM's own Step mom is on pick up list along with her step sister....such bs.....
Loved the blog you
Loved the blog you sent........
She is a nut also so I doubt it will do any good to sent it to her..
But thank you, I will look at blog more often and maybe find a yoga class or something that might help? something to relax
Make sure at your court date
Make sure at your court date your DH brings up that she's not using the insurance provided and if she does that then she's 100% responsibly. If she uses the insurance provided then your DH will pay his fair share.
In court, make sure your H
In court, make sure your H puts in a clause that he is responsible for the percentage of not covered medical costs AS LONG AS THE EXPENSES ARE SUBMITTED TO THE INSURANCE COMPANY (or something to that effect).
Another suggestion I have from past experience. Have it put in that he pays the PROVIDERS directly rather than reimbursing BM. My H has his CO set up to reimburse BM. She takes the skids to the doctors for EVERYTHING. And gets third and fourth opinions too for relatively minor things. H pays his portion DIRECTLY TO HER PER CO but whose to say if BM actually pays those bills. For all we know, she could declare bankruptcy and use that medical money as her personal increase in CS.
how long have you and your DH
how long have you and your DH been together? she is just trying to be a jerk and if you let her know that she is getting to you, she will continue and probably get worse as this is exactly what she wants. She is the classic didn't want her DH and kids until someone else did, then how dare he, I'll make his and SM's life hell BM. She is a control freek, she likes to feel like she has control over everything: extra visitation, pick-ups, insurance etc.
does she have another man in her life? I'm guessing not, and until she gets another man under her power to jump at her demands, she is probably going to continue making your life hell.
Stop meeting with her, she is loving that you are at her mercy, stop asking for extra visitation again you are at her mercy. Don't give her opportunities to weild her "power"
Sorry, I know this totally sucks, but unfortunately it's this dang step life
I think you hit the nail
I think you hit the nail right on the head here. No she does not have anyone in her life. And yes she is a control freak and so stupid about stuff. If we go to my parents house 89.9 miles away for our weekend with the kids she wanted notice 7 days in advance....That got squashed in mediation last week....she wanted "out of area" defined as any where she cant drive in 30 min...OMG sometimes you cant get across town in 30 min. so now out of area is defined as 100 miles from our house and all we have to do is send an email stating we are going and when we will return.
I will do my best to not let her know she bothers me...thanks for listening.
I don't know.. SS9's BM is
I don't know.. SS9's BM is kind of the same way. She is fine with DH's mom or DH picking him up from school, but I know she would NEVER allow me to be added to the pickup list.
I have always been friendly to her, even though I think she's a batshit crazy control freak. She has always ignored me. This is going on 7 years now. She has finally become ok with dropping SS off at our home if DH isn't home, but I can tell she doesn't like it.
Regardless of what she does though, I know I'm a good person, and by the way I have treated SS9 since he was 3, he knows I'm a good person too. That's all I care about.
I've let DH deal with her exclusively since I came in the picture, but have tried to remain approachable and open when she's around, hoping she'll see I'm not there to try and be SS's 'mom'.
It's a difficult situation. I have had my feelings hurt over the same things, but ya know.. you kinda just start realizing it for what it is after a while. Plain old b.s. It's not worth making yourself feel bad over. Hang in there :).
Thank you. Its funny my DD
Thank you. Its funny my DD has a step mom and I would never ever think of treating her the same way as I have been treated. I am greatful that she is a wonderful mother to my daughter and that she is loved my so many people. I would never make my daughter feel bad about loving her also...same with daughters step brother and sister.....I treat them all with respect and kindness and they give me the same respect. I guess maybe the difference is I dont want my ex back....I dont know if that is the problem or not.
It worries me because it doesnt sound like it gets better...YIKES!!!!!
Married almost 10 years,
Married almost 10 years, together for 12. BM FINALLY got married last summer and quickly popped out another crotch dropping to cement THIS guy's status in her life.
And, NO, it hasn't gotten any better. I thought it did for a few months but now she is the same old vindictive psycho she has always been, she just chooses to keep it out of court now that we nailed her on Contempt.
That's because you're a good,
That's because you're a good, SANE person who wants the best for your kid :). Some people can't see the proverbial forest for the trees. They are so bitter and angry at the possibility that someone else may have more of an influence on their kid than they do, that they end up making the kid suffer with their controlling behaviors. Sad, sad, sad..
But, as long as you treat the skids with love and respect, they will know the truth. That's all that matters.
I know the solution...... OWN
I know the solution...... OWN HER IDIOT ASS! My wife and I tried to play nice with the blended family opposition when we first got married. However, the SpermIdiot and SpermGrandMa would have none of that. They manipulated, violated the CO, tried to not pay CS and pretty much did all of the standard toothless dipshit manipulations to try to control my wife.
So, we made the decision to own their ignorant asses and we did from that day forward. When they failed to follow the CO we hauled them to court. Early in our marriage they had the financial advantage since SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa were the ones housing, supporting and coddling their idiot son and were paying his CS for my son. But, in very short order we took the financial lead and made every single step they took out of line hurt them financially. We also started the public humiliation and intimidation campaign. When they failed to return our son on time from visitation we had my wife's BFF's police chief dad collect the kid and put him on a plane home. The police collected our son from SpermGrandMa's church, her work, from family meals at restaurants, where ever we could show her community her true colors. We invoked payroll withholding of CS so that the SpermIdiot had to go to his parents to ask that they reimburse him for CS. We hired a PI to investigate and document the SpermIdiots under the table cash deals for plumbing work then we notified the DA and the IRS that the company he works for was violating labor and payroll rules.
We struggled with the impact our campaign might have on SS but decided that we would share the CO and official court records, investigation material, telephone recordings, call logs, etc..... with him in an age appropriate manner so that he knew when they were manipulating him. Facts are not good of bad they are just facts and in our case they are POWER!
Don't ignore BM. Own her ass. Share the truth, the facts and the official records with anyone and everyone she brings in to the picture. Particularly the SKids. The more info they have the better armed they are against her manipulations.
We started this campaign when SS was 2yo started informing him of the facts when he was ~8yo. He is now 18, in the USAF and far more successful than his SpermIdiot has ever been. He has written of the adults of the SpermClan and maintains contact only with his three younger also OOWL half sibs by two other mothers. I have counseled him to let his "Dad" :sick: and SpermGrandMa know where he is and what he is doing. He finally told me that he would appreciate it if I dropped that conversation since "none of them have tried to contact me since you and mom picked me up from my final court ordered visitation last summer. They don't need to know what I am doing with my life."
His comment broke my heart and made me swell with pride. No kid should have to deal with family that is as toxic and ignorant as the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool is. But I was proud that we won the 17+ year war with the SpermClan and were able to minimize the impact of their gene pool on my son. We did not win every battle but we definitely kicked their asses in the long run.
So, quit trying to be reasonable and reason with someone who is totally unreasonable and make your goal to own her ass. This is the only way I found to protect the best interest of a child from a toxic bio parent.
Oh yea, and do what Leah said. Ignorant evil Xs are like cockroaches who run for the dark corners when you turn on the light in the room. Be happy and any time you are in proximity to BM let her see how happy you are with YOUR family and with YOUR spouse. She will wilt and run for her dark cockroach corner.
You are your DHs present and future. You are likely going to be far more influention for YOUR kids (Skids) their their vitriolic BM is. All she has is your DHs past and her bitter crap life.
Enjoy yours and learn to leverage it to minimize her impact on your family.